Originally Posted by hawthoerne

My dress and accessories are being shipped today.. i showed them to my mom and she said they weren't appropriate for the wedding *rolls eyes* i guess i'll wear them some other time. so she bought me some other dresses. (i'm nearly 22 and she's still dressing me >.<) but at least they're cute. I'm pretty bored now, and anxious for all the things i've ordered to arrive. i spend way too much money. i really gotta get myself under control. i have a "purchase plan" so i don't spend over $200 a week (that's my budget from my bf) but i keep wanting more more more........ i need to stop this compulsive shopping. i always end up asking him for extra money, and since he's a softie he gives it to me..... Gotta get this compulsive shopping under control. but i feel like its stuff that i NEED! like the dress for the wedding i NEED. the jump rings i NEED to make my jewelry.the tablet i don't need but that was worked into my budget for this month already... ugh i just..... shopping and buying stuff calms me down...... i'm using it as a coping skill and its kinda unhealthy i guess

Sorry for ranting............

My compulsion is also impulsive spending. Or, rather, it was. I looooove shopping online, filling up my online cart, getting stuff in the mail... But I had to go through a credit counseling service because my spending got so out of control. Take it from me: stick to a budget now before you allow yourself to get lax enough that your spending gets that out of control. It's too easy to rationalize it. I'm in debt and I can still rationalize my spending. I still buy s--- I don't need that I can rationalize to myself I really do need (though I'm much better than I used to be). PS Imagine how much you'd have if you saved $200/week. $200 is more than my grocery budget per month.

Let's see, how do I feel today? I guess I'm fine. Worked another 12 hour shift. It was boring, then really busy. Feast or famine at that place. I'm looking forward to tomorrow off. I was feeling good when I left work but I'm in a weird mood right now and I'm not sure why. Sort of antsy/moody/heading toward depressed. I wish there were more people to talk to on here, more people who responded to what I had to say. I've felt this way for some time now but I just...don't feel like I belong or am wanted here. I'm sure it's my imagination, in fact, I know it is but you know how the BPD imagination tends to feel like reality. Feh...crap.

[hawthoerne]

Originally Posted by misskeena

My compulsion is also impulsive spending. Or, rather, it was. I looooove shopping online, filling up my online cart, getting stuff in the mail... But I had to go through a credit counseling service because my spending got so out of control. Take it from me: stick to a budget now before you allow yourself to get lax enough that your spending gets that out of control. It's too easy to rationalize it. I'm in debt and I can still rationalize my spending. I still buy s--- I don't need that I can rationalize to myself I really do need (though I'm much better than I used to be). PS Imagine how much you'd have if you saved $200/week. $200 is more than my grocery budget per month.

I'm paying all my bills currently, I am budgeting the $200/week is my spending money, a gift from my boyfriend. $560 monthly goes to various bills, meds, the cable, what i'm in debt with my dad for, college bills, and groceries. I am paying off my debts slowly (mostly medical bills). I have this big file with my spending laid out for the next few months, and i STICK TO IT! its to make the most of my money and get what i want, so i still get the satisfaction without overspending!

Don't worry, i don't have a credit card to go nuts with! nobody will give me one as i have no credit score

Originally Posted by hawthoerne

I'm paying all my bills currently, I am budgeting the $200/week is my spending money, a gift from my boyfriend. $560 monthly goes to various bills, meds, the cable, what i'm in debt with my dad for, college bills, and groceries. I am paying off my debts slowly (mostly medical bills).

Don't worry, i don't have a credit card to go nuts with! nobody will give me one as i have no credit score

I used to have an almost perfect credit score. A couple of nice companies gave me cards with really, really high limits back in the day. I'm talking limits of over $10,000. Yeeeaaahhh, I'm still paying those cards off. Almost done though, hope to be done paying them off by the end of the year. Aaaannnd then I have student loans. We won't talk about those. Ugh.

[hawthoerne]

Originally Posted by misskeena

I used to have an almost perfect credit score. A couple of nice companies gave me cards with really, really high limits back in the day. I'm talking limits of over $10,000. Yeeeaaahhh, I'm still paying those cards off. Almost done though, hope to be done paying them off by the end of the year. Aaaannnd then I have student loans. We won't talk about those. Ugh.

ewwww student loans.... i was warned against those so i never took them. but i had to quit school because my antipsychotics crapped out on me and now i owe my school some money... (i was on fafsa and they cut their support down to $600some) so i gotta start adding that into my 560, but i'm pretty much done paying my dad, so i'll have about $100 a month to give them! I think i'm never going to get a credit card because well...... you should've seen what i did with overdrafting my debit card for fake money on an online game when i was 16 . Now i don't allow it to overdraft! though it still will on some automatic withdrawals (wth? ?_?) i've been pretty good about it now, only had one overdraft incident in the going on 3 years i've had the account.

And good luck

Originally Posted by hawthoerne

And good luck

Thank you.

I'm up and working on the computer before I officially start working. Been having a really, really hard time, much more than usual, staying focused and alert at work lately. Was actually called on it yesterday. It bothered me a bit but I knew it was true. Just trying to make it through the workday.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Maranara

I'm up and working on the computer before I officially start working. Been having a really, really hard time, much more than usual, staying focused and alert at work lately. Was actually called on it yesterday. It bothered me a bit but I knew it was true. Just trying to make it through the workday.

[greentires4me]

I haven't slept in 48hours I feel like a zombie from the walking dead...

I had a shower...so now I am all clean

the cold is still here but not so much sinus pressure right this moment thank-god!!!

I wish it was 9:30am in the morning and not 7:33am so then something is open I can get some proper cold medication from like some neo citron...and get my morning daily dose of reality I mean effexor...then hop by the grocery store and pick up some camomile tea...

I just feel weird today. Weird and weepy, though I haven't been crying yet (I think I will be soon). I don't know what's wrong. I have a major headache and didn't sleep very restfully last night. Maybe that has something to do with it.

[Britneigh]

I'm having a rough day at work; I've been laughed at, yelled at, told to eff off, hung up on. Etc. I know it comes with the job, but I'm having a hard time not taking it personally. In good news it's sunny out and warm, and two of the horses are possibly sale pending. Yay money to pay debts off

I have three more hours work and can barely keep my eyes open. I know I'm falling behind in my work and I can't concentrate on it. I just hope I'm not called on it today.

I was hoping I could keep my chin up and not get down tonight and tomorrow. I can tell already that it's not gonna happen.

Woke up very depressed. Can't eat anything.

Not doing very well that numb feeling.

I feel like the only way for me to get over her is to hate her. Is that normal?

I feel better than I did this morning.

Well never mind. I'm not okay anymore. I'm okay one hour and then the next hour I feel horrible.

I feel like, no matter what I'm doing, I'm always just waiting for my day to end. Like, I'm just waiting until it's time to go to bed only to get up and do it all over again. I feel really bored with my life. I'm even feeling this today when I have plans to do something with my friend--I'm still waiting until I can come home and go to sleep. I don't want to feel this way...

[greentires4me]

I am blowing my nose and coughing...I say I am sick.....acccccchhhhhhoooo!!!

just spreading the love around....

over all I am boreddddddddddddddddddddddd...................

[BrokenNBeautiful]

My tooth is feeling much better. I t hink it was just a stress pain from biting.

I had to cancel my dentist visit though because now I have a sinus infection. Oh, brother.

I am going to follow thru with the visit next week, or later, but NO later than May.

I never know when I am avoiding and when I am honestly needing to back out of something temporarily. My bpd has ruled me forever. I think this is for real---dentists don't like working on stuffy-nosed people---they need to breathe thru their noses while being worked on. I can't; also I don't want to make the dentist sick.

I hate going. But I will be glad when it's over with by June. I will have to figure out how to pay for the work. I usually have cavities.

Be safe everyone. bpd is something else!

Carol

[Luctor]

Hi there, I'm new here.

My girlfriend broke up with me just over a month ago. She abandoned me because my BPD traits got too much for her to handle.

I am in abandonment hell. Overwhelmed by loneliness and worry that I'll be alone forever.

I just have to keep reminding myself that these feelings will pass in time. For now, that's the only consolation I have.

on the one hand, I'm thankful for the things that are going right at the moment. I now have a car, although I still can't drive it due to the ticket I had for the accident.

On the other hand, I'm kind of sick of it all being so dragged out. All I want is to have my driving ability back, to get back to work regularly and get a real place to live.

[Ultra Darkness]

Angry. My brother trashed my good mood in less than a minute.

[greentires4me]

today I feel like death hit me with zombie...

I am coughing everywhere and hacking up a storm I went the pharmacy to buy some cough medicine damn their all pricey I think I will just resume coughing hacking up a lung...

Got into it with another member of a gaming site. Corrected him on his grammar after he'd corrected someone's spelling when all the while writing without punctuation or capitalization.

Ummm got a little more fired up than I should have