The other thread has almost reached 100 pages so here is thread number 2.

I have therapy this afternoon and I so hope it is better than last week.
I am going to be honest with my T today though and tell her how I have been feeling instead of me saying that I have been "fine" all week.

[beautifulfreak]

Well, it's just past 2pm here now. Still feeling pretty much the same with the thoughts and urges. Trying my utmost to not succumb to the urges today. It's difficult, however, I am trying.

Got 3hrs sleep this morning, so that is something at least.

Partner at work so I have yet to see him since the massive argument yesterday evening. So, will see how that pans out.

[beautifulfreak]

Originally Posted by Buttercup..

I have therapy this afternoon and I so hope it is better than last week.
I am going to be honest with my T today though and tell her how I have been feeling instead of me saying that I have been "fine" all week.

I think that is great, no point sugar-coating things and it does take great courage to tell therapist how you are truly feeling. At least then,those real feelings can be addressed. Best of luck.

am buying my wonderful kids $600 worth of backyard awesomeness. yes, i am compensating. but we're not spending all summer inside this year, oh no. plus, planning on staying where we are until we get money for our own house and build up our credit.

anyway, pretty excited. just waiting for Walmart.com to start working again so i can hurry up and get the stuff on its way.

daughter will LOVE it. we'll have her very own personal little park in our backyard. she'll have a tricycle, a fort with a slide and rock wall, an outdoor playhouse with all kinds of awesome stuff in it, and a water/sand table for sensory play. she's going to love it.

we've been meaning to get her all this stuff for the past year. but we have had the money since tax returns. just hadn't made up our minds if we were staying in this house for long enough that we could make use of all the stuff we wanted to get. but now, we can and we'll set it all up and i'm going to look into setting up a pea-gravel base so husband doesn't have to mow all weird around her playthings...

Hanging in there. Been in front of the computer all day on a day off which is not the best thing to do for my own stability, particularily since I'm working the next 7 days straight..but I have goals to meet today or I'll have to work even longer in front of the computer during those 7 days. Hate my work ethic sometimes, but when I stop working, I think about other things, things that get me anxious and all out of sorts, so it's probably better this way.

I'm lonely.

Think I took a major step today in therapy I actually told her how my week had been but I didn't like the questions she asked like "what emotions I felt"? I couldn't answer her properly.....She was asking how my relationships had been with my siblings especially with my sister (my only sister) Need to talk more about this next week, she thinks I have suffered mental abuse from her.

[Ultra Darkness]

Headache, eyes hurt, chest hurts, spent half the night tossing and turning.
I hurt.

I'm ok but tired. I dont' know why. went to bed earlier than usual last night. I did get up multiple times in the night but that's typical anyway so overall I still should have gotten more sleep and I feel more tired!

I know others have gotten this feeling here and it's not the first time for me either, but I'm starting to feel as though I don't belong here. I'm too empathetic and opinionated and have too low of an esteem to deal with the consequences when I knowingly express my opinion when the opinion will be poorly received. Sigh....

[Ultra Darkness]

I don't belong, because I'm a faker. I don't like giving out my option. Hey, Mara, we should start a club!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

***TRIGGER?***

I posted to the old thread today.

Sorry. If it's still open, you can look at it.

I think I broke a tooth again. Hard peanuts.

But I did not break. Just my tooth.

My life is LUDICROUS.

I'm bored with life, lonely, and worried. Worried about all kinds of things: what if something happens to me, my home, car, cats, blah, blah, blah...I have no one to call, no one to help if something happens and I need help. I don't know how to alleviate this worry. There is no way to alleviate it--I'm alone and I can't do anything about it.

[greentires4me]

I think the other thread is going to have abandonment issues...

I got up was late for an appointment but its okay my rent isn't going up so I am proud of that... then I went back to bed before I realized I had to be at an appointment so I got up and flew out the door.

Hey green, when a thread reaches 100 pages it gets closed by a mod that is why I opened another thread

I am going out with kids and hubby for the day hopefully mu daughter can cope with it all as she gets so anxious.

[beautifulfreak]

Hey everyone…feeling pretty much same as I have been feeling last number of days. Getting progressively worse. Still trying to not succumb to urges…it is draining. I'm getting angry too. Maybe I am fooling myself and just postponing the inevitable i.e. Psych Unit. If I tip over the edge I will have to make a choice.

I hate making hard decisions and I detest my dependency.

Life or death…it's not easy.

[poptart316]

Woke up bright and early, I'm in a fairly good mood today and am going to try to be productive.. make myself some breakfast, shower, get some laundry done, maybe even clean out my car like I told my T I would do. I'm trying not to cave into the boredom and the "life is meaningless" panic feeling. I hope everyone is having a good morning.

[greentires4me]

got up way to early couldn't fall back asleep started downloading songs...and applying for jobs you think I would stop I have 3 job offers on the table but no I need more...

Starting work in two hours and working fairly late. Working the next seven days. Tedious, but I need the money. I'll be fine as long as I don't go stir crazy.

I can't shake this worry I feel. I'm worrying over everything. Now I feel worry over whether I'll be able to handle going back to school. I'm starting to think that I won't be able to do it, that there is no way I'll be able to. I wish I had someone to talk to. Every time I post to this forum I feel like I'm virtually ignored except by a few people.

Originally Posted by misskeena

Every time I post to this forum I feel like I'm virtually ignored except by a few people.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm not purposely ignoring you or anyone. I've been getting on edge and upset very easily lately and have avoided most threads out of necessity. Feel free to PM me if you'd like. I'll be here a lot the next several days and I feel more comfortable talking one-on-one.

Originally Posted by Maranara

I just wanted to let you know that I'm not purposely ignoring you or anyone. I've been getting on edge and upset very easily lately and have avoided most threads out of necessity. Feel free to PM me if you'd like. I'll be here a lot the next several days and I feel more comfortable talking one-on-one.

It's okay. It's not you or anyone in particular. You know how it is, you post something and see that a lot of people read it but only two people actually replied. I think we all know how it is. I'm not sure what reply I was looking for anyway, I think I just needed to know that someone understood what I was talking about. I'm on edge too, and I'm not sure I understand exactly what I'm edgy about. Just anxious overall, I guess.

I'm not good at PM-ing. I feel like I'm bothering people.

[gayleggg]

Had a therapy session yesterday and feel a little lighter today. Have been feeling very depressed now for months so any glimmer of it lifting is a plus. Trying to stay grounded in the now and not let my negative thoughts run rampant.
Gayle

ha, seeing a lot of posts on here where people are over-analyzing themselves and things like that...feeling the same way at work. feels like i'm being singled out somehow (which i sort of am) because i know everything about the store as i've worked there before and so even though i've only been back for a week they're sort of putting me in charge of the people who were hired at the same time i was rehired and so i feel bad because although i am a take-charge kind of person i don't feel like i've earned being in charge??? i think that makes sense, haha. but i'm just hoping i don't seem stuck up. all my life my parents would say the other kids wouldn't play with me because i was quiet and shy so they thought i was stuck up. so now, since i'm not talkative to people i don't know, i'm afraid they might think i'm stuck up, and it makes it worse because all the managers like me and we talk and i already know what to do...

as for posting in this forum...i don't feel like i belong either and have trouble voicing my opinion too. i haven't gotten many positive reactions (if any) either. still upset about something that happened last week on here. don't appreciate being told i shouldn't post something on here just because it doesn't directly relate to BPD. that's kind of ********...but whatever.

Originally Posted by DreamAddiction37

don't appreciate being told i shouldn't post something on here just because it doesn't directly relate to BPD. that's kind of ********...but whatever.

I think that would upset me as well. I've probably gone off-topic tons of times (like I am right now, ha). I just feel more comfortable posting here in the BPD forum because I have BPD and feel like everything relates to that for me. That, and I know this part of the forum best. I understand that there are rules to follow though, and I try to do so...