A little bit ago, I did something that I found very upsetting, and as has become more and more common, my mind decided it was "outta here....not gonna put up with that *****". So now I'm nice and numb, not to the point I can't function, but still. This is a coping mechanism that appears to be largely beyond my control and happens way too often anymore. On the one hand, it's nice. It saves me from some harsh emotions. On the other hand, it's not the right way to cope. I think I got this way because I'm often in situations where I can't show my emotions, so my head has nearly perfected this way....but it just isn't right.

I need some techniques/ideas to keep myself from disassociating, or ways I can bring myself out of it once it starts. I need to learn other ways to cope with stress. I need to work on the distress tolerance stuff for sure. It's definitely my biggest weakness.

[Ultra Darkness]

I wish I could help, but my own stress tolerance is near zero lately. I've been deliberately hiding my emotions which, in retrospect, may not be a great idea.

I started disassociating when I was only 8 or 9 years old when home life became intolerable and I couldn't show it and when I was severely bullied in school and couldn't show it or tell my parents about it.

It's just gotten really bad this past year. It seems almost any anxiety or upsetting event sets it off. It can get bad to the point where it interferes with my being able to function. It happened in class one day last year where I couldn't remember what I'd been teaching all day or my students' names.

Usually, however, it's more of a dull numbness that takes the anxiety or pain away. I just want to get over this and come up with a more "normal" way of coping.

[shezbut]

Kudos to you for discovering this tendency that you have to misuse the distress tolerance techniques! That's a big part of the battle in itself. really!

A big favorite distress tolerance skill that I now use daily is to Improve the Moment through Imagery. I use it in stressful and non-stressful times, just to get myself into a better state of mind. Specifically, I imagine myself in the mountains ~ totally alone, other than animals, and completely safe. I imagine every sense being stimulated: vision, hearing, scent, taste, and touch by all of nature surrounding me. It is a very comforting, relaxing and stimulating experience, all rolled up into one. It takes about 15 minutes or so, to really get into the Imagery. But, as I come back into the present moment, I feel SO much better! Significantly more relaxed and closer to "wise mind".

Perhaps you may want to try using that technique more often, to ease yourself away from depending upon dissociation too much? I do still dissociate from time to time, but those are moments in which I don't actively make that decision. Rather, it's an instinctive response to major stress that overwhelms me.

Gentle hugs to you!

Originally Posted by shezbut

I do still dissociate from time to time, but those are moments in which I don't actively make that decision. Rather, it's an instinctive response to major stress that overwhelms me.

Gentle hugs to you!

I've taught myself to dissociate. When I first started meditating, I'd start dissociating instead, and at the time, I didn't complain, actually welcomed it because I was actively going through a lot and it was an escape.

Now, I realize when I dissociate...almost instantly. The anxiety, tension, pain that I feel instantly vanish and the numbness takes over, but for the most part right now, I'm not actively choosing to do it. It just "happens" when the tension becomes too much, even though, to me, I've felt worse and if I don't "feel" it, how can I work on controlling it? I have to realize it's going to happen before it does and work on other techniques. The imagery idea is a good one.

I think it's great that you recognize you're doing it. I don't really have any advice to offer as I'm trying to work on my own distress tolerance with the anxiety, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm listening...

[beautifulfreak]

. At least you are working on it, that is a start. I know the dissociating can be scary too. Good luck with that Maranara.

Good luck

[Fuzzybear]

I think it's great that you recognise this and are working on it!

I've been able to recognize it for a while, but what good is it if you have no control over it? Once it happens, I know of no way to reverse it; I have to wait for it to go away on it's own, and it frequently happens when I'd rather attempt to work out the anxiety in other ways.

[adam_k]

I do this sometimes and I find it disturbing. Not so much distrubing as it makes me feel less than alive. I was having a really bad couple of days Monday and Tuesday and then by Wednesday I didn't feel anything anymore. It was good in a way that I started to be able to function better and I got some school work and stuff accomplished at work, but I was emotionally unable to feel anything. My wife called me and told me her mom had a stroke. She is ok, but at the time I should have felt at least sad and worried, but I didn't feel anything.

Then on the way home, I did something I am not proud of. I just got the impulse to drive fast. It was raining pretty heavily and I shouldn't have done it. I could have killed myself or hurt someone else. I just wanted to feel something, even if it was an adrenaline rush and fear. I wish I knew how to control those feelings, or I guess I should say control lack of feelings.

Originally Posted by adam_k

I do this sometimes and I find it disturbing. Not so much distrubing as it makes me feel less than alive. I was having a really bad couple of days Monday and Tuesday and then by Wednesday I didn't feel anything anymore. It was good in a way that I started to be able to function better and I got some school work and stuff accomplished at work, but I was emotionally unable to feel anything. My wife called me and told me her mom had a stroke. She is ok, but at the time I should have felt at least sad and worried, but I didn't feel anything.

What you're describing is not the disassociating...it's the emptiness. In disassociating, you're not quite there, your mind is in a fog. I always look at it almost as one of those "out of body" experiences you hear about when people are dead. You're there, you're able to function kinda, but it's like nothing is connected together.

I have the emptiness you're describing but not as often. The last time I had it, and it lasted several days, was after a heated argument with my husband where he called me a few choice words. I broke down at the time and woke up "all there", but feeling....nothing.

[adam_k]

Originally Posted by Maranara

What you're describing is not the disassociating...it's the emptiness. In disassociating, you're not quite there, your mind is in a fog. I always look at it almost as one of those "out of body" experiences you hear about when people are dead. You're there, you're able to function kinda, but it's like nothing is connected together.

I have the emptiness you're describing but not as often. The last time I had it, and it lasted several days, was after a heated argument with my husband where he called me a few choice words. I broke down at the time and woke up "all there", but feeling....nothing.

I don't think I ever disassociated then. I don't know what to make of things recently. I used to just shove everything deep down, and put a mask on for everyone. I was talking to my T about this recently. I was talking about how I used to handle things, and how I am trying to handle things now. I find it difficult to get anything done at work, and I am worried about failing some classes. Hopefully I am handling things better, but it feels like I am on a downslope. Maybe things get worse before they get better, I dunno.

Sry, I don't mean to hijack your thread with my own issues.

Originally Posted by adam_k

I don't think I ever disassociated then. I don't know what to make of things recently. I used to just shove everything deep down, and put a mask on for everyone. I was talking to my T about this recently. I was talking about how I used to handle things, and how I am trying to handle things now. I find it difficult to get anything done at work, and I am worried about failing some classes. Hopefully I am handling things better, but it feels like I am on a downslope. Maybe things get worse before they get better, I dunno.

Sry, I don't mean to hijack your thread with my own issues.

No, that's cool. Disassociation is a feeling of numbness that spreads through your body. It's hard to explain. It's like I'm getting really anxious or upset one minute and the next I'm numb and most of the pain is gone. Unlike the emptiness, however, it does affect how well you think and your memory. It usually takes the sharpness out of my memory, makes me forget details, but there's been a few times where I'd had problems recalling much of anything...like the time it severely happened in the classroom. I forgot what I was teaching....in the middle of a lesson as well as my kids names. Pretty ridiculous, and that's an extreme case. It's usually not that bad.

[adam_k]

Originally Posted by Maranara

No, that's cool. Disassociation is a feeling of numbness that spreads through your body. It's hard to explain. It's like I'm getting really anxious or upset one minute and the next I'm numb and most of the pain is gone. Unlike the emptiness, however, it does affect how well you think and your memory. It usually takes the sharpness out of my memory, makes me forget details, but there's been a few times where I'd had problems recalling much of anything...like the time it severely happened in the classroom. I forgot what I was teaching....in the middle of a lesson as well as my kids names. Pretty ridiculous, and that's an extreme case. It's usually not that bad.

That sounds difficult to cope with.

Originally Posted by adam_k

That sounds difficult to cope with.

It can be very scary particularly when it's a thick numbness that you can't function with. Most of the time, it's not that bad and it happens fast...one minute you feel like you're about to lose it and the next you're numb and and a weird sense of calmness comes over you. I'd prefer not doing it or having more control over it, but it has also saved me from many serious issues. Last year, when the event that brought me to PC was occurring, I disassociated the better part of the day for a month straight. It was better than the alternative: SI and thoughts of suicide. But since then, my body just seems to do it whenever it feels me get anxious over anything and I need to stop it.

[adam_k]

It almost sounds like a self preservation mode for you mind. A way to stop your mind from overworking and self destructing.

Originally Posted by adam_k

It almost sounds like a self preservation mode for you mind. A way to stop your mind from overworking and self destructing.

That's exactly what it is. A type of coping technique. I starting doing it when I was really young though I didn't know what it was at the time and have done it my whole life when things get rough. It's just that it's gotten worse lately and I wish I could control it so I can learn to cope with things "normally" a little better.

[TheRealFDeal]

Usually, however, it's more of a dull numbness that takes the anxiety or pain away. I just want to get over this and come up with a more "normal" way of coping.

I don't think I dissociate, but I think I relate to the feeling numb. Weekends are typically very bad for me, for instance, but lately when my thoughts get to the point where I think I can't take it for the whole weekend, I'm able to just shut it off. There's still a heaviness there, knowing deep down that my life is s***, but somehow I turn the feelings off. It does feel like self-preservation.

Anyway, what would be a "normal" way of coping? I know I can't let myself feel the feelings, or I'd have to kill myself.