I've Dinged!

Ok so most of you non-gamers won't get my title. In gaming it means you've leveled up and you have new skills, and are able to move further into the higher levels of the game.

Well I found that appropriate this morning as I've realized I've come to a new level in my life and it's a whole new phase.

The other night I talked to a friend. One that I had been romantically attracted to for quite awhile. Then things went south with her and we hadn't spoken for a good while. She happened to connect with me the other night and we talked for a bit. Thing is, with talking to her again I realized a few things. I had been missing her a lot lately but I realize now that I was basing that on the fantasy-like memories I had of our relationship. it was never very healthy and I was very needy at the time. Feeling like I needed a lady to be attached to, needed companionship (romantically) and all.. I was obsessed with this one too. As usual that's how I've been in the past with women. Well as we talked I just knew that what was there wasn't based on healthy feelings or needs but insecurity, neediness and obsession and having been out of touch all this time I've been able to move on and detach, so to speak. I'm still friends with her, I still have a fondness for her but not overly so. I'm glad I got to talk to her.

over this past nearly year and a half, I have been through a lot. This has been the first time I've had to do everything alone, without a wife, SO or anyone. It's been me and my boys getting by without anyone directly in my life. I've had help, mind you, please understand I've had friends that have helped me a lot, and I dont' mean to minimize that. I just mean in the sense of having someone IN my life like a lover, gf, and such. Since I was married the first time, I've pretty much been attached to someone for the past 23 some odd years, married most of that time. pretty much straight out of my parents' house, I was married and have not been on my own but in short periods before that. I am now at a point of being content with my singlehood. I do not "need" anyone to be there in my life 24x7 or be married or attached anymore.

I told my good friend about the event with my friend and he said that it's interesting and shows how much I've grown.

Thing is I hadn't realized all that until he mentioned that.

While I still struggle, I don't do everything right, in spite of that, I am surviving, I am getting along and moving forward slowly. I realized today - more than ever, I know I can do this on my own.

So in essence, I've "dinged" and reached a new level in the game of life.

Thanks for listening.

Thanks for sharing that. I think you hit on one important thing (well many but one that jumps out to me) ... I did that so much in the relationships that were most unhealthy. In fact I would also fantasize how they could be, but not in the normal daydreaming sort of way I don't think. When things would end I would be losing not who that person actually was but who I had made them out to be.
Anyhow, congrats on leveling up. And thanks for sharing that --- it gives lots of hope to others.

yes I am a perpetual ideallist if not a dreamer. I think of the ideals of everything rather than how they really are. it's kind of disruptive in relationships.

I used to do this all the time as well. I would lose track of who the person actually was in the midst of the fantasy I had woven around them, you know? And then I would feel crushed when they went away because I no longer had this fantasy life where I could retreat. It's tough to explain and so dysfunctional. Now I can't even imagine doing it because I can barely think of even wanting to date, let alone fantasizing about someone the way I used to.

Anyway, congrats on your realizations and on "leveling up."

Well one of the traits of bpd is idolizing someone. I know I've done this in the past and I have to keep myself in check and watch myself now. Problem is in relationships the splitting comes into play a lot too where the person of my attention goes from being diety-like to being the daughter of the devil in a flash.

I can so relate to you saying the fantasy-like memories, and I can relate to Tree as well.

Yep. One of the first things that the psychiatrist focused on when I was rambling on about myself. I had no idea what bpd was at the time. Though I have moved from a severe hate for people when I split so a simple 'death by disassociation' they fall right out of my mind and I don't care at all. A tough existence for my husband I'm sure.

Congrats on your level-up. HP+++

Congratulations! Here, have a 1-up.

I just heard Mario music in my head when I read that.

Well, I envision a 1-up to look like a green mushroom. Between us we have the whole experience!

Your post really moved me. The moment of realization one can do it on their own is huge. I know it was for me.

Congratulations! I sincerely mean it.

Thank you for saying that. It means a lot.

::: chasing after the damn 1up mushroom still:::: I'll respond later

:rotfl: If it goes off a cliff, don't follow it!

I'm mario not a farking lemming! o.O

What do lemmings have to do with...? FYI, I've chased mushrooms over cliffs. Does that make me a lemming?

Oh shoot. I forgot your age. :/ yeah lemmings (the game) are known for just following a path straight ahead regardless of certain death ( as in cliffs, obstacles bombs etc..) the goal of the game was to get as many lemmings to the other side or point of exit without letting too many die. They would just keep walking forward and you had to put things in their way to create ramps, things to turn them around etc... hence the reference to that

come to think of it by that description maybe I am a lemming! o.O I keep walking forward and going on no matter how much ***** keeps getting rained down on me hahaha.

You know, I think I've played a game like that, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was.
That must be a popular game type. SEGA released a similar one called "Ivy the Kiwi" a couple years back (the bird, not the fruit).

Oh I loved the Lemmings game! Would stay up all hours amused while the household slept. Early signs of OCD that slipped through unnoticed.

I relate to and appreciate your comments about realization of the fantasy relationships. I'm not there yet. A current struggle. The hardest thing is mourning over a lost relationship in addition to coming to terms with the realization it was fantasy based, our dreams and expectations of the dreamy potential. It is double mourning of a loss. But we learn as we go. Thank you for sharing.