BPD Birthdays..

Sep 21, 2013, 06:46 AM

A trigger for any of you? A day to feel happy or does it really get to some BPD people?

allme · Sep 21, 2013, 06:55 AM

I HATE my birthday! This is really pathetic and stupid but I fear getting no cards which just proves how little I'm liked. I mean, it's a real major anxiety for me and yet it is so stupid, I know it's stupid but I am the same at Christmas re the card thing. My last birthday I told everyone I wasn't doing anything, got a load of drugs and sat in getting high by myself

So sad....so pathetic.

Although I want loads of cards to come flooding through the door, I don't like the way it makes me feel, I feel under pressure in some way and feel as though I should see ppl, I don't want to see ppl but I want to know I matter to them by sending me a damn card!
SO no I HATE birthdays! It's just a day to remind me I am getting older, with no real prospects and no one that really cares enough to send a fricking card. Ok, 2 or 3 ppl but that's it.

Trippin2.0 · Sep 21, 2013, 07:44 AM

I don't think hating or loving your birthday is a symptom

Me? I LOVVVVED it growing up. Then my brother moved overseas on my 16th and I HATTTED it, then I kinda liked it again, and then I ignored it for 2 years after my dad passed because he was birthday guy, and this year I LOVED it because my bf made it über-special. It just really depends on the circumstance surrounding the year, like most people in the world I would guess.

allme · Sep 21, 2013, 07:46 AM

No it isn't a symptom lol but elements of my BPD contribute to me hating my birthday personally.

HealingNSuffering · Sep 21, 2013, 09:19 AM

On most birthdays I feel depressed or anxious depending on the circumstances. I feel like I don't deserve to celebrate so I isolate myself and hardly tell anybody about it. There is no point to tell anybody because nobody will show up anyways. I think I'm more hated in the real world than online, which really says something because I kill every thread I type into.

I think its more of a sign of depression or anxiety than BPD. Or maybe because we have no sense of self we don't know what people are celebrating when they do celebrate it. Usually I would just sit around and get drunk/high on my birthday to help forget about my woes. Last birthday I took some anxiety medicine and ate some pizza with a friend. The rest of the day was spent by myself and nobody from my family even bothered to come see me or even wish me a happy birthday.

Sep 21, 2013, 09:27 AM

I hate my birthday too just a bad reminder of my brothers death.

allme · Sep 21, 2013, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HealingNSuffering

On most birthdays I feel depressed or anxious depending on the circumstances. I feel like I don't deserve to celebrate so I isolate myself and hardly tell anybody about it. There is no point to tell anybody because nobody will show up anyways. I think I'm more hated in the real world than online, which really says something because I kill every thread I type into.

I think its more of a sign of depression or anxiety than BPD. Or maybe because we have no sense of self we don't know what people are celebrating when they do celebrate it. Usually I would just sit around and get drunk/high on my birthday to help forget about my woes. Last birthday I took some anxiety medicine and ate some pizza with a friend. The rest of the day was spent by myself and nobody from my family even bothered to come see me or even wish me a happy birthday.

Sounds like my birthdays and feelings too!

Sorry they are just as hard for you

And no, you don't kill every thread you type into, I for one enjoy reading what you have to say

allme · Sep 21, 2013, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liverbird

I hate my birthday too just a bad reminder of my brothers death.

Oh that's so sad

Sorry it's such an awful day

HealingNSuffering · Sep 21, 2013, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by allme

Sounds like my birthdays and feelings too!

Sorry they are just as hard for you

And no, you don't kill every thread you type into, I for one enjoy reading what you have to say

Thank you for the support.

It feels like I do, maybe I talk too much, possibly from the ADHD, I used to be known as motor mouth when I was younger. It really takes effort for me not to "talk" too much. I have been sleeping poorly lately because the weather changes more than my mood this past week. My T helped me have a decent birthday this last one, she suggested I focus on the positive aspects of it, so rather than dwelling on what its not, appreciate what it is. I think my hatred of my birthday also stems back to deep seating feelings I have about myself, wishing I'd never been born for the majority of my life. Telling my mother repeatedly she should've just had an abortion, so I don't have to endure all this suffering.

allme · Sep 21, 2013, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HealingNSuffering

Thank you for the support.

It feels like I do, maybe I talk too much, possibly from the ADHD, I used to be known as motor mouth when I was younger. It really takes effort for me not to "talk" too much. I have been sleeping poorly lately because the weather changes more than my mood this past week. My T helped me have a decent birthday this last one, she suggested I focus on the positive aspects of it, so rather than dwelling on what its not, appreciate what it is. I think my hatred of my birthday also stems back to deep seating feelings I have about myself, wishing I'd never been born for the majority of my life. Telling my mother repeatedly she should've just had an abortion, so I don't have to endure all this suffering.

So sorry you feel that way about yourself, but you know, you have just as much value as any other person living

We all have our own individual purpose, you just haven't been able to see it. Be kind to yourself

and know you are just as worthy as any other person.

GeorgiaGirl413 · Sep 21, 2013, 12:26 PM

I generally don't like my birthday. Either no one remembers and I am ticked. Or they do and I am embarrassed. I don't like being the center of attention. So there you go, like most things, black or white. In general holidays/birthdays are not times to which I look forward. Through the years I have learned not to over expect and that has helped some, but I could easily just skip them all.

dumburn · 02:49 PM

Hate birthdays, suspect it's because it was a time when the whole family felt like they had to spend some time together (never ever a good thing), inevitably it ended up in in a screaming match between my father and whichever of my siblings had failed to live up to his expectations that day.
and then a screaming match between me and him because I was being unreasonable and ruining everyone's day by hiding in my bedroom crying - it would take him a good hour to notice i had slipped away though.

Actually not sure if i like them or not now as the last few years the birthday fairy (if that is actually a thing anywhere) has brought me the flu so have had little choice but to ignore it spend the day in bed.

As an aside, none of my family are able to "do" Christmas either

Lmats · Sep 21, 2013, 02:45 PM

I hate my birthday so bad that I deactivate my Facebook account on my birthday, then get upset about it because no one remembers my birthday.

I swear, I always think that people will judge me if I don't get enough "happy birthday" posts on my wall. And it upsets me if I don't get that many, as stupid as that sounds. It feels like no one really cares enough to take the 5 seconds to say happy birthday to me. So to solve my problem? I deactivate my account for the day.

However, Facebook is the one thing that reminds everyone that it's your birthday. So now it's like, you get upset because no one is texting you or calling you to say happy birthday. And then that just triggers this huge depressed episode, followed by some serious rage because you know, you say happy birthday to everyone and no one even bothers to say it to you, but then you kind of realize that it's not their fault because like, you can't remember everyone's birthday, which leads to you getting super upset because you realize that you're being an asshole and God I just hate my birthday!!!

allme · Sep 21, 2013, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lmats

I hate my birthday so bad that I deactivate my Facebook account on my birthday, then get upset about it because no one remembers my birthday.

I swear, I always think that people will judge me if I don't get enough "happy birthday" posts on my wall. And it upsets me if I don't get that many, as stupid as that sounds. It feels like no one really cares enough to take the 5 seconds to say happy birthday to me. So to solve my problem? I deactivate my account for the day.

However, Facebook is the one thing that reminds everyone that it's your birthday. So now it's like, you get upset because no one is texting you or calling you to say happy birthday. And then that just triggers this huge depressed episode, followed by some serious rage because you know, you say happy birthday to everyone and no one even bothers to say it to you, but then you kind of realize that it's not their fault because like, you can't remember everyone's birthday, which leads to you getting super upset because you realize that you're being an asshole and God I just hate my birthday!!!

I totally get this!

greentires4me · Sep 21, 2013, 08:55 PM

I don't hate my birthday there was some years I didn't celebrate it but this year I celebrated with family. I always forget other peoples birthdays except for facebook it helps me to keep track.

I hate Christmas its like I am always expected to show up with a great attitude and bring presents...its all to commerical

Sep 22, 2013, 05:32 PM

I feel indifferent on my birthday.

Mustkeepjob32 · Sep 22, 2013, 07:03 PM

I never celebrated birthdays and so it doesn't affect me usually. Sure I get freaked out that like 10 years have gone by and I've progressed none in my personal and professional life, but those are realizations I have regardless of whether it's my birthday or not.

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BPD Birthdays..

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