What keeps you from giving up?

I'm feeling really discouraged today. I saw my primary doc. I tried telling her how I'm doing better with my mental health and I've avoided being in the hospital for over a month! Her response: "If you don't change your diet, you're going to wind up in the hospital anyways from a stroke or heart attack". Gee...thanks!

Just 3 months ago, I was isolated from everyone for 6 years. Through a series of events, I finally got out of the house. I have changed everything from my sleeping schedule, my diet, my exercise, medication, seeing doctors, doing "homework" for therapist, stopped cutting, lost 25 lbs., etc. Even my blood sugar test came back today saying that it's in the normal level and is not affecting my organs anymore! But, no, that's not good enough.

Sometimes I really wonder what is the point of all this effort to try to improve myself. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel, or am I just fooling myself?

Your doctor sounds like a jerk. Sorry he was not more supportive.

You have made a lot of awesome changes in your life. Celebrate them. I know what getting blood sugars down, I just got off metformin about 6 weeks ago. What are you doing for exercise? I need motivation on that front.

Hang in there! It's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it IS there. I'm sorry I can't find something more profound to say!! Do you otherwise have good interactions with your Dr.? Because if not maybe you should consider finding a new one with a little more tact! (I once had a doctor ask me if I was a heroin addict because I have poppy flowers tattooed on me, I wasn't and after a few more tactless comments on her part I switched to a better Dr.)

Your Dr. at least displayed a better bedside manner; maybe they were having a bad day or moment. Nonetheless it is only one person. You have made some great strides on your part and you need not let one person suck the proud of yourself out of that. It's nice to get a pat on the back from someone we admire, trust, etc. But when we don't, we are entitled to toot our own horn and let it feel good as we are doing these things for ourselves and our health and not for anyone else!

I don't give up because I have support. Is there.anyone you can lean on when you feel like throwing your hands up and saying, f*** it? If I didn't have my boyfriend and family there would be no way that I could go through this. You also need to be able to congratulate yourself on even small victories... it seems like you've had a lot of larger victories too. I lost 40 pounds and it was so hard, 25 lbs is a HUGE accomplishment as is getting yourself to a healthier environment. Don't give up, you have so much that's good.

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Why would you care what your primary dr. thinks? Have you ever noticed how primary care doctors always seem to be fat?

Thank you all for the support!

I don't expect everyone in my life to be supportive, but I guess I would hope that the professionals could see progress even if it's a baby-step.

For exercise, I'm simply walking outside my house everyday (up and down the street). I started for 20mins, now have increased to 30mins. On top of that, one of my "homework" assignments every week is to leave my house, and go to a park and stay there for an hour. I usually just sit there, lol, but at least I'm out of the house.

And no, my doc wasn't having a bad day And no, she isn't fat or old. I actually have to bring my fiance with me because my doc scares me so bad. She does not like to talk about mental health at all. When I saw her 1 1/2 months ago, I asked her to put me on metformin because I also have PCOS. Her response to that was: "I don't really want to give you a medication that will help you get pregnant...I mean, do you really think you should be pregnant right now due to your mental health?" For me, getting pregnant would be a blessing as the chances of it happening are slim to none, so why wouldn't I do anything to increase that chance?

I stick with her because I'm so scared of new people. Plus, she does run all the tests I request, refers me out to specialists, and prescribes me almost any medication I need. I just get a lot of lip from her too. The only other good thing is that she always tells me these things with a smile and the cutest Wisconsin accent, so I don't process the negative right away

I laughed at your last line. I think you should search for a different pdoc though, you need an advocate, not an adversary, right? Maybe take your fiance with you while you're looking for your new pdoc for support?

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It looks like I was lazy with my response, because doctors are either old, fat, a**holes or all the above..

I don't think you should allow her to influence your day when you're aware that she doesn't like discussing mental health. YOU can't change her.

So you either need to just accept you're not going to get that kind of support from her or try to find a new doctor. Your current doctor really isn't doing anything special, other than her job, by having tests performed. I get the fear of meeting new people, but with the support of your fiance I think you could find a much better doctor who will meet your needs and performs the same tasks as your current one.

Darn too icy here to be walking outside. I hate living so far north at times. I got some walk at home dvds from the library but took them back unopened.

You lost 25lbs with PCOS!!!! I know how hard that is. I have had severe PCOS since I was 16. There is a good chance you could get pregnant on met, that is all I was on when I got pregnant or you could need fertility drugs, it just depends on your body. Personally, I think you should be seeing an OB/GYN about the PCOS instead of your family doc. It was my OB/GYN that put me on the met. I am now off the met although at this point still considered diabetic. I have at least 100 lbs to lose but I would love to start even with a 10lb loss. Also, I was on prozac while I was pregnant with my son, they even upped my dosage, and he is fine. Also, don't wait too long to try, I was 35 when I was pregnant with my son and 42 when I was pregnant the second time. I went through fertility treatments after that and still no second baby. I am 44 now and have given up.

Yeah. I have a wonderful list of medical conditions on top of my mental health issues (what happens when you neglect yourself). I have type 2 diabetes, pcos (and a non-functional cyst), a pituitary adenoma, and a few other things. But even with all of that, all my docs think I'm ok.

I will def talk to my ob/gyn about metformin. I only have seen her once trying to figure out the cyst. My fiance and I have been trying to get pregnant for 7 years (yes, 7). So I am taking what my primary doc says with "a grain of salt", but words still can be painful.

I also have about 100 lbs left to go. My best advice to you, mags, just move around for X amount of time. Do chores, can ride a stationary bike, walk around your house, dance, etc. I don't push myself to walk fast, but I make sure I'm moving for the time period I set for myself. One day we'll get to our goal weight, and that day doesn't have to be tomorrow!

It took 5 years for my son and another 5 years for the baby we lost. My first pregnancy I got the positive the day before I had my appointment for fertility drugs. The second came after an HSG, apparently them putting the dye through your tubes often results with a pregnancy.

In regards to the last line of your post, I wonder the same thing. Will things ever get the way I would like them to be?
If it were me I'd be changing primary care doctors. That is a pretty blunt and inappropriate response to that, IMO. You may still have needed to be made aware that you aren't quite out of the woods health wise, but she could have been gentler about it and not timed it to be after what you said.
My primary care doctor delivered both of my children, and pretty prescribes me most things I ask for. but he's kind of closed minded. and I don't think he's gone to a medical conference updating him on stuff since like, the 1990's.

Well your improvement and growth is relative to what you've done and how far you've come. Any shmoe out there isn't going to have any idea how much you've already changed and their frame of reference is only from their perspective of where you are at.

With relation to the doctor, well aside from being blunt, I don't think it was intended to defeat or hurt you. I'm not excusing the bluntness of his opinion or anything but that from his view he's just, in his mind, telling you the truth as he sees it. You know where you are now in relation to where you were so just rest in the idea that you know you're doing things and no big life changes happen overnight.

Sometimes the statements that people make to us make us really feel like all we've done is meaningless but the truth is, it matters very little if anyone sees, or acknowledges our success. Success in anything stands on it's own, whether in solitary or before the masses.

Firstly, kudos to you for committing to change your lifestyle - it's downright hard work but you're already reaping the benefits so you know the good it's doing and hopefully that will inspire you to achieve even more.

As far as your doctor goes, they sound downright unprofessional. It never ceases to amaze me how those who have so little people skills or even a professional attitude - end up in that kind of role. I don't buy the whole work bearing down on them sort of thing, at the end of the day there's always a way out when you have that sort of education. If they're not happy it's their responsibility to do something else, not take it out on patients. Nevertheless i wouldn't let their attitude discourage you, maybe a firmer hand would set things straight next time. If you continue to feel unhappy with their care though have you considered a replacement etc?

I'm more than aware of what it's like to be on the receiving end of a not so pleasant doctor. I loathe hospital visits these days. There's only so much control we have so i can only suggest you change what you can and learn to accept what you can't. Often a good approach. All the best.

I do really appreciate all the responses and the support. It has def helped me put things into perspective a little better.

The simple solution is to, yes, find a new doc. But the situation is much more complicated and finding a new doc could have some consequences that might hurt me more than dealing with my current doc attitude (i.e. could affect my fiancé (he has same doc), could affect my psychiatrist because they work for the same company, etc.). I know I can’t change the way she is, and I do know that as harsh as her comments might be, there is some truth to it. I have tried to tell my doc that I feel like she judges me simply for having a mental health diagnosis (she denied it, of course). The only solution really is to put up with her or to find a new doc (and I’ll be working on that with my T tomorrow).

I also do look to my fiancé, my family, and other professionals in my life for support and advice. Again, the relationships are much more complicated (i.e. my fiancé can be my biggest supporter or he can be my biggest trigger…he alone has caused me to be in the ER about 10 times...NOT for physical abuse btw).

But that’s not my issue. This situation was just the latest of me feeling like I keep running into walls. I have finally chosen of my own free will to make an attempt to take care of myself. But it feels like every direction I turn, oops, there’s another wall. I don’t want to give up because I already know where that will lead me. I’m just tired of constantly feeling hopeless and like I have to fight the world around me just to live.

Update:
Just in case this advice can help anyone...

I talked to my T. She wants me to stay with my doc for now, but she wants me to practice staying logical with her instead of focusing on the emotions. She told me to focus on processing what my doc is saying while at the app, even if I have to delay my responses and even if my docs gets mad. And if my doc ever stops medically treating me, or if her responses trigger me too bad, then I should switch.

I'll see how well that works out in 3 months...till then, out of sight, out of mind