envy...

this is HUGE for me. i have so much envy, it's ridiculous. im envious/jealous of pretty much everyone i know for some reason or another. everyone else seems to have what i wish i had. i dont know how to be happy for anyone without thinkong "i dont have that/cant be that/cant do that"...of course i act like im happy for them. i dont want to seem rude, but my usual response to other peoples good news (when i finally get alone) is to cry. so many talented, intelligent, beautiful people...and some who are all of the above and im not any of them. i just feel like theres nothing special about me. nothing useful to the world. i see people raising families, owning homes...having friends who love them...and i dont think those things are possible for me.

i just wish i could be geniunely happy for other people without comparing my sorry life to theirs.

i feel like such a jerk, but i dont mean to.

((((hugs))))

Whew! I sure can relate to what you're talking about. I have the same tendency, and it's a really difficult habit to break!

I am unsure of when I started, but it was back sometime in my early childhood. I know that much. And all throughout, I had people telling me that I should be happy with what I had, otherwise I'd be miserable. Very true, I was aware of that already, but they also didn't know how rough I had it either.

In retrospect, perhaps part of it is plainly feeling sorry for ourselves. I abhor having to come straight out and say it, because it's painful for me too! I'm a lot older than you & have been feeling sorry for myself for 35 years or more!! I've also kicked myself and suffered self-hate for just as long. Great combination.

Tips that work sometimes: comparing your life to those who have it worse than you do (like in foreign countries); volunteering to help those in need (there are LOTS of great volunteer organizations, both local and worldwide); looking in the mirror every day and smiling at oneself; reminding yourself to focus on your good traits, ones that you currently have (not ones that you're hoping to someday attain).

I think that DBT made me feel most positive about accepting things that I cannot change. It didn't cover ways to make myself stop putting myself down, other than focusing on the fact that feelings aren't facts. It was very difficult for me to apply that in my daily life however.

As you can see, I hope, you aren't alone. It sucks ~ but it is where we are right now regardless. We just have to keep on trying to find the healthy way to boost our self-esteem and outlook upon our lives.

Yeah......I to can not be genuinely happy for others and the jealousy is what keeps me from socializing.

thanks for the reply, shezbut. honestly, i also am jealous of people who have less than myself materially...or physically/healthwise...people tend to love them and want to help them and be their friend.

example...when i was in 2nd grade (23 years ago yeesh) one of my classmates was in a wheelchair. she had cerebal palsy. everyone looooved her. i couldnt handle that. i dont even remember what i said to her, but i said something unfriendly because i was jealous of the positive attention she was getting from everyone. some of the kids overheard and of course told the teacher.

another example from when i was young...everyone seemed to be getting the stomach bug and thus having to take days off school. i should have been happy i was still feeling healthy, but nope! i was crying because i wasnt home lying in bed like some of the other kids. its pretty ridiculous and i knew it even then, but i still felt the way i did. i ended up catching the bug and being sick on the weekend (which seemed to happen a lot in my life...still does).

like i said, i can find something to be jealous about in pretty much everyone i meet. some people might see them as being less fortunate, but to me there are different types of "fortunes"

i know all the things to say to myself and do...and ive tried some of them. i just havent gotten to the point where i believe what im saying is true. i feel inferior to everyone i see.

work has been on vacation for about a week now...we get about 2 weeks off during the holiday season...we'll meet back at work on friday for breakfast and secret santa gift exchange. the director emailed us the other day telling us all to think about something special to share about ourselves. i still havent come up with anything. i have no talents. i cant solve intricate math problems. i cant twirl a ribbon whilst dancing and doing gymnastics. i dont have any special items to share because items are meaningless to me. so now im worried that i either wont think of anything to share/bring...or that what i do come up with wont be as good as what others share/bring (see, theres that jealousy again...and i dont even know what people will share yet)...i guess i just want to feel like im significant in other peoples eyes.

and i havent gotten my secret santa gift yet because i dont know what to get and feel like anything i get will be useless to the person. i always end up giving the crappiest gifts. i see everyone elses and dont even wanna share mine. this particular person had the same gifter two years in a row...both years she made him whole meals. i cant compete with that.

Maybe you can bake a small batch of cookies as your gift? You can put them in a basket or tin, bow on top & voila! People love homemade cookies!

For sharing something special about yourself, that is tough. I would share something about my personality that is kind of cool. {Like, I have a passion for educating general public about epilepsy & I've adopted a highway to bring that up in people's minds.} We all have some emotional passion, and that's a special thing to share about yourself. Maybe educating others about mental illness? Or being there for those who have been through similar difficulties in their lives?

Just some ideas for you to think about...

thanks again, shezbut.

i wish i were good at baking...i mean, ive gotten better at it recently LOL...but not sure. it's something to consider, though.

i dont want to bring anything too heavy...my coworkers tend to be criers/very emotional and i dont want to bring up anything that might stir up too much of that. i do love my job and the people i work with...it's an amazing place with amazing people and probably the first place ive really felt comfortable and truly wanted in.

but i still find myself being afraid that i wont impress them.

i'll keep thinking and considering things.

Sounds just like me.

your not alone theres plenty of us just like you. try writing a list of all the things great and cool about yourself and read it whenever you get the urge to compare yourself to others.