[Maranara]

Yes, we all focus on the negatives and rightfully so, but BPD is not all bad and I think it's important to remember that, particularly in light of the new year. We've done this one before but it's nice to think about and remember that BPD is not all bad. You can add or expand on the thoughts I start. Either way, but let's keep this thread positive.

BPD's tend to have a higher than average IQ (how else could we do all that thinking). Most of us also have a large creative side, whether it be as an artist, writer, or musician. In addition, we are empathetic to other people's feelings and emotions due to our own issues with them.

[Truth in Ruin]

As a NON, I don't get the sensational excitement for someone new, or special in my life. You know? Like when you fall in love, and have the happiest feelings of excitement. I can and do fall in love, but I don't get as excited about it. So as a result, I'm kind of jealous in a way, because the in love feelings I get are not quite as intense. I'm truly unable to put someone on a pedestal. It would be a beautiful feeling if I could feel that way about someone. So I guess that would be another benefit you have.. that feeling you can get about someone.

I apologize if I'm having trouble explaining myself, but I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say.

[monochromatic]

Truth, maybe in some ways that is a blessing.

I constantly use that initial love feeling to compare to my reality later in a relationship, which makes me feel empty and alone, because nothing will ever feel that way again. Even though things are fine, it constantly makes me feel like things are not good.

[hawaii04]

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

As a NON, I don't get the sensational excitement for someone new, or special in my life. You know? Like when you fall in love, and have the happiest feelings of excitement. I can and do fall in love, but I don't get as excited about it. So as a result, I'm kind of jealous in a way, because the in love feelings I get are not quite as intense. I'm truly unable to put someone on a pedestal. It would be a beautiful feeling if I could feel that way about someone. So I guess that would be another benefit you have.. that feeling you can get about someone.

I apologize if I'm having trouble explaining myself, but I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say.

I understand!! What you said about being a NON and not experiencing the same intense fall in love feelings made me realize that that is part of why I always end up wondering and worrying where my intensity goes in the love department after a while. I am not supposed to have that in the first place! Lol. All joking aside, it is helping me to put mine into some perspective and know that it's okay that those feelings won't stay that way and that it isn't necessarily an indication that something's wrong with the relationship (that maybe I am not in love anymore). Look at the bright side, Truth ... you cannot miss what you never had. And I will try to be grateful that it has been a part of my life. . .

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by monochromatic

Truth, maybe in some ways that is a blessing.

I constantly use that initial love feeling to compare to my reality later in a relationship, which makes me feel empty and alone, because nothing will ever feel that way again. Even though things are fine, it constantly makes me feel like things are not good.

Although I think you're right, the thought of me being in "la la land" over someone that could do no wrong sounds very euphoric to me, even if it was shortly lived. But of course nobody should be placed on a pedestal, and I know it can be very dangerous idealizing the wrong person. I just try to emagine what moments of ideation would feel like. It sounds like it could be a good feeling to me.

[Angel of Bedlam]

A few things...

I love that my BPD allows me to feel things so intensely because it makes me better a better writer. I also find it easier to express myself through words this way.

I thinky BPD makes me better with young children. I love babies. I think I have a way with kids.

My BPD allows me to love in intensely passionate ways that are some of the best feelings I've ever had. There is a flip side, but I am grateful for the ability to experience it.

I think it's good that I'm sensitive. I have the ability to tap into wells of empathy and compassion for others. This is easier with those who aren't close to me, but I'm learning to apply it to those who I are closest to me.

Learning how to recover, I've found that I am able to be much more insightful.

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[River11]

Originally Posted by monochromatic

Truth, maybe in some ways that is a blessing.

I constantly use that initial love feeling to compare to my reality later in a relationship, which makes me feel empty and alone, because nothing will ever feel that way again. Even though things are fine, it constantly makes me feel like things are not good.

Wow, monochromatic and Truth : thank you both so much! That really helps me see ...

I'd spent most of the last 4 months following my wedding to the man I've always known (even in our frighteningly 'dark' times) to be the one I belong with, being crushingly convinced that because I could barely get even a glimpse anymore of the feelings of overwhelmed-by-in-loveness state our marriage was going to be a hollow shell...that we'd burnt out our deep and passionate love...that I had to either become a resigned shell or keep swinging between depression, anxious hopefulness and bitter fighting ...PHEW!!

It sounds quite basic and I feel quite foolish ... but I'm still fairly new in recognising my BPD and coming to understand all that it is (my greatly helpful T doesn't help with that cos has other beliefs - but I'll make that a separate post). And I don't know if you can understand why, but what you two shared has really helped ground my improving perspective and my groundedness on this relationship that means almost everything to me!

And thanks, Maranara, for the excellent idea of exploring and sharing the positives of BPD. Because it's so important to not just experience it as a 'curse' and to find gladness for what we happen to be.

If you'll excuse my ramble...I'll add that I am also glad that I do feel things so deeply (and highly and widely) - and I hope that I will again, like the admirably eloquent Angel in Bedlam, be able to create worthy writing from it - and that I can feel others' needs and states also.

Bowing out now, finally ...

[Aphrodites_Muse]

My therapist says that I should focus more on my book smarts. My emotional smarts is what needs tuning.

[shezbut]

I am very compassionate towards others hurting ~ particularly those who don't have much community support.

I am very keen to other people's moods....and usually try my best to help them out.

Originally Posted by Maranara

Yes, we all focus on the negatives and rightfully so, but BPD is not all bad and I think it's important to remember that, particularly in light of the new year. We've done this one before but it's nice to think about and remember that BPD is not all bad. You can add or expand on the thoughts I start. Either way, but let's keep this thread positive.

BPD's tend to have a higher than average IQ (how else could we do all that thinking). Most of us also have a large creative side, whether it be as an artist, writer, or musician. In addition, we are empathetic to other people's feelings and emotions due to our own issues with them.

Everything you said.
The only thing I can think to add is that I can relate to my young children on a deeper level then I feel nons can.

[joeyalias]

I make an excellent first impression, I have an instant understanding of who people want me to be, so I adapt to that which makes me excellent at interviews and perfect at short term social interactions.

I'm quite poetic and once I get my confidence back I'm really going to go places with my writing.

Its been said a few times but yeah I'm great with kids, probably because they dont scare me as much as people can

Positives?? Well - I am definately NOT artistic (writing, poetry, art, any of that stuff). So - I see NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO positives at all.

BPD is just my excuse for being an a__hole.

[joeyalias]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Positives?? Well - I am definately NOT artistic (writing, poetry, art, any of that stuff). So - I see NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO positives at all.

BPD is just my excuse for being an a__hole.

I doubt you're an a__hole

you have the whole self deprecating humour thing working for you thats a positive in my book, I think to be self aware is a very strong place in which to be.

[deleted] nevermind

[lynn808]

I constantly use that initial love feeling to compare to my reality later in a relationship, which makes me feel empty and alone, because nothing will ever feel that way again. Even though things are fine, it constantly makes me feel like things are not good.

These statements are so true...and so me also.
I have been sitting here and reflecting on this topic....As that is sometime I do well....rumination.
But, I am one of the best on this topic, as I am sure the rest of you are too... No offense meant to anyone, Just goes with the territory

I was told this by a therapist many years ago...he showed me how to spin it....Taught me how to try to spin everything....because my take on things was flawed....always take a moment...think...adjust...rethink......smile inside (never show them)... I don't know if I am saying this right...

I do doubt myself, but am learning through my friends here, that I do have much to offer and I really am not that bad person I always thought I was.

Some days, I even feel like I can conquer this and walk out on the other side a better and happier person...maybe whole again...As the broken and fractured pieces are melded through new love and happy experiences in my future and leave the past in the past. I have even gone as far with T to get trunk, fill it...lock it up and chain it...bury it....walk away and feel cleansed. its a hard exercise and does work for the most part...for most things.

I will be trying to make a friend again this year...maybe an old friend...maybe a new friend... maybe more than one???

sorry I rant on.... thank you for at least reading and maybe chucklin' too

[Maranara]

I'm generally a good listener when it comes to other people's problems. I'm the proverbial bartender that everyone tends to visit to talk to. Don't know why or what about me makes me easy for people to talk to, but I've experienced this on a number of occasions.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by joeyalias

I make an excellent first impression, I have an instant understanding of who people want me to be, so I adapt to that which makes me excellent at interviews and perfect at short term social interactions.

I'm quite poetic and once I get my confidence back I'm really going to go places with my writing.

Its been said a few times but yeah I'm great with kids, probably because they dont scare me as much as people can

I am great at interviews as well, and you are right on the money with being great with kids, for me it is babies and toddlers. My son scares me, he is way too smart for an 8 year old. In almost every picture of me growing up I am holding a baby. I had friends call me a baby whisperer as I could calm any baby, I can still do that.

[monochromatic]

Originally Posted by Aphrodites_Muse

My therapist says that I should focus more on my book smarts. My emotional smarts is what needs tuning.

lol, I love this. I need to write it down somewhere.

[Elektra_]

i think is quite paradox. there is no good side, if there were they wouldnt be symptoms of a mental disease!

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

i think is quite paradox. there is no good side, if there were they wouldnt be symptoms of a mental disease!

I wholeheartedly disagree. There are positives to it. You have to look inside yourself and find what's positive about you. I'm sure it's in there.

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[liz1104]

I've always loved a positive from a negative. but how to express all those intense feelings to someone, anyone if never could before? Even I'm happy,I never come out and just say ,"I feel happy" or anything related to my feelings or emotions. how does one break that wall down and express how one truly feels?

[hawaii04]

I sometimes feel as though if it wasn't for the BPD I wouldn't have to try so hard to find the positive. But it is there . . . in each one of us, perhaps more dormant at times and more difficult to surface, we fail to realize it at times, or forget it somewhere along the way. I finally understand why other people struggle to fit into society, maintain a job, have a violent side, have rocky relationships, find it difficult to be motivated, etc. I finally understand what my own children have been faced with in their lives. I can finally empathize like I never could before.

[Maranara]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

i think is quite paradox. there is no good side, if there were they wouldnt be symptoms of a mental disease!

There is no such thing as "normal". You can take the healthiest person out there and dissect their behavior and find "traits" to MH issues. Some of us just have more than others. It's important to look at the positive side, of anything. Nothing and no one is completely bad or completely good. That's the black and white thinking talking.

[BarelyMakingIt]

Originally Posted by Maranara

I'm generally a good listener when it comes to other people's problems. I'm the proverbial bartender that everyone tends to visit to talk to. Don't know why or what about me makes me easy for people to talk to, but I've experienced this on a number of occasions.

I feel like I am the same way, I'm also a very forgiving and understanding person. I also believe that I am a very altruistic person. There are a few things that I've done in the past that have really been bothering me that I've done that I've never owned up to. I am considering fessing up to them, I think that will be something to go over in therapy I guess. I guess it's just really hard to look back and realize I was in such a dark place and not knowing how long I was even there. I'm finally starting to feel alive again (sometimes). I would like to give closure to those I may have hurt or confused in the past with no intention to, but I will blindly forgive those who have hurt me. I am generally a good person just like most people and if I wasn't I don't think I would be lugging around so much guilt lol, so the good news is I guess I'm not a sociopath lol.

[Elektra_]

oh there is normal.. dunno why people with MI always come with "whats normal?" normal for me is someone that has equilibrium in their life and have skills to deal with their problems, therefore dont have MI. of course a person can have some "trais" of some MI but that doesnt achieve the level of MI, is just considered a flaw.
what u are doing in this thread is viewing a BPD person as a whole. OF COURSE u have good qualities. u arent the BPD. there is a PERSON PLUS BPD. and the BPD consists in symptoms of things that are wrong and need to be changed/controlled!
if we only had the BPD we would be screwed.

Originally Posted by Maranara

There is no such thing as "normal". You can take the healthiest person out there and dissect their behavior and find "traits" to MH issues. Some of us just have more than others. It's important to look at the positive side, of anything. Nothing and no one is completely bad or completely good. That's the black and white thinking talking.