Trigger***

I feel like ****. I broke my coffee maker this morning out of sheer rage and agitation. I hate myself. I'm so angry ask the time. I self harmed this past weekend
I'm so disgusted with myself.
I feel alone and used and abused.
My boyfriend has been extra nasty to me. I have 14 messages of him calling me names and threatening me because I went to my friends house instead of going home.
He was screaming at me on the phone and I just didn't want to argue again. Just wanted to cool off. When I came home he took some of my belongings and a puppy he brought me in Dec. I was loosing my mind all weekend.
I just can't anymore. I can't deal. I'm due to start school again at the end of this month. I feel like I'm not going to keep it together to go! It freak me out. I just want to be productive and finish what I started.
I have been a mess on and off for as long as I can remember. This is the worst and longest stretch of the.
Being with him and dealing with so much crap has left me much worse emotionally.
The lies the verbal abuse the manipulation the cheating just broke me even more.
I can't deal. I just can't deal.
I can't stick up for myself anymore. I feel weak emotionally and physically.
I need to be sedated. I feel out of control.

sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't. (but mostly I Do)

Originally Posted by Imalooney

...sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't.

Now you went and made me hungry for an Almond Joy......

[Trippin2.0]

Sounds like your relationship is not healthy for you. Sounds like it exacerbates and feeds your illness instead of nurturing it and helping you be the best version of you. Our relationships have a HUGE impact on our quality of life and I hope yours hasn't decreased drastically, because this sounds very much like a relationship I was in once upon a time, gawd he brought out the worst in me...

I wish I could make you feel better, I wish I knew what to say, but all I have to offer is that I've been in your shoes, and I also know its possible to get a new pair.

I hope things calm down for you soon.

its so not healthy. I know that. I know should know better than to put up with such bs.
I dont know why i have hung on for so long
Things are really bad right now.
Part of me feels bad because i know that he and we can be better.

I keep trying to convince him to get help. He wont.

He just finished having a screaming fit 10 min ago.

He keeps taking the puppy out without a leash thinking that she should listen to him.
shes 3 months old.

he had a hard time getting her in, again, And he slaps her behind and she comes running in. My kid was sitting right next to me. I told him that you cant expect a 3 month old dog to walk and listen! Especially when all you do is scream!

He lost it. Snatched her away. Came back to yell some more about how its his dog and he can do whatever.

he snatched her food and her up and left .
phone is going off non stop. Im just doing everything I can to not get upset, yell cry anything.

Im shaking. ughh.

I know this is his bs. Its not my fault. His behaviour is unacceptable. repeat. over and over.

He is agitated moody restless. He manic. I have seen him go through this before. He gets so out of control.
God knows I have tried.

I feel like leaving him is giving up on him....

[hawaii04]

Everyone has their limits; Sometimes I don't know how my b/f puts up with me and vise versa. No one's behavior is anyone else's fault ~ we're all responsible for our own actions. I have broken things in my rages and I get so disgusted with myself, it's not something I've ever done before or want to do again. But we need to be forgiving of ourselves as that is pertinent to our being a work in progress and we still maintain our better qualities too we can't forget about.

[Brandon_Empty]

Your situation reminds me of my ex wife and I. She was very emotionally abusive and she took advantage of my often weak emotional state. I eventually had to let go. I begged her to get help but she never would agree. It definitely sounds like your relationship is unhealthy. It sounds like he's being emotionally abusive to retain control over you. That isn't fair to you. Nobody should have to be treated that way. I hope things work out the way you want them to, but it sounds like he needs to start being more supportive and more respectful to you. Your feelings are just as important as his or anybody else's feelings. Hope you feel better soon.