[Britneigh]

Meh morning turned into a decent day. Got some new jea ns and 4 new books. Kinda excited to sit down and read tonight and ignore my phone.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

I don't have fb xx I'm happy tho my borderline for dummies bookm come thru

You will find the book helpful, one of the resources it mentions is PC

[shezbut]

I feel emotionally & physically lonely. I can see now, how my ex-bf (Eric) filled that void in me so well. Dammit ~ I just HATE being alone and I feel hopeless for my romantic future!

[isntlifewonderful]

Going to see Pixies tomorrowwwww, so exited :3 but also sorta empty and scared... the girl I love, who's also a Borderline and I pendle between "We should be a couple because we love and care for each other so much and the urge to kiss you is SO strong all the time" and "We should probably not risk anything. Friendships last longer and I couldn't live without you."... I want her so badly but I CAN'T loose her. Ever. I'd kill myself. I'm only trying to recover for her. Trying to resist drugs, selfharm, alcohol, suicide attempts and talk in psychotherapy... although I don't always succeed, she gives me motivation. But I'm also so in love... which allows me to feel genuinly happy for a while... I'm 17 and I feel like I could spend my life with this girl. I just suck at relationships... and I'd ruin everything. I just know it.

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[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

Home from a morning in work. Stressed out. Put a mask on in work as I am self
Employed ... I can't work full time cos I think
If people get to know me they think am weird so I don't bother anymore anyone else feel this way???? Someone please help x

I'm working for like 3 weeks this summer and I'm terrified aswell. I know I'll have to put on a mask, which I'm good at by now but an emotional outburst IS still possible. When it comes to others, like you, I do believe it's better to be yourself. Start off slow with working part-time and once you become more comfortable with the people around there, maybe you could start working full-time.

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[janinso]

I'm doing really well today. Let's see if it'll stay that way...

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

I'm working for like 3 weeks this summer and I'm terrified aswell. I know I'll have to put on a mask, which I'm good at by now but an emotional outburst IS still possible. When it comes to others, like you, I do believe it's better to be yourself. Start off slow with working part-time and once you become more comfortable with the people around there, maybe you could start working full-time.

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Prob is I've done the same job for 10 years x I'm only easels employed now xos I job hop due to bullying or perceived bulling. Maybe I'm too sensitive xxx

[Verity81]

Been anxious today, cried on way to work...I'm sick of fear controlling my life!

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Anxiety attack this morning due to late train hut got there ok !! Dentist working with is nice

[Britneigh]

Don't want to get off bed... So much to do... Sigh

[detachedangst]

First day back to work after a week at the beach and I feel worse than before vacay. If I can get inventory done and make it through the day without cutting then it will be a success.

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[Espresso]

I hate music that has more than a second or two of screaming. Not that that's relevant to anything at all.

It has been a roller coaster today. I was depressed going to bed last night. Then I had a nice conversation with someone and I was in a good mood. And then I was reading something that made me contemplate how hopeless my life is, and I was depressed again. But then I went outside for a minute and my mood lifted a little bit. Is it normal for your mood to be completely dependent on outside forces? I don't seem to feel anything unless something is triggering an intense emotion.

[porcelain_pain]

It's been 2.5 weeks since a huge BPD melt down caused my partner and I to break up, and tomorrow we're meeting with a relationship counselor to see if we can work it out. I am nervous as feck. I really effing miss him and I super regret everything that lead to this, but at the same time I think it was a good wakeup call. I've actually been coping really well. I stopped all drug use/abuse (except a bit of alcohol here and there), have been trying hard at my new job, no self destructive behaviour. I think if we don't end up getting back together I'll be able to deal with that, but I'm nervous about the mess of emotions I'll be confronted with when I see him tomorrow.

I stopped using my drug of choice and drugs in general because it was clearly messing me up and I needed to be able to see what my natural mood patterns are like. I've noticed that around the time I get off work each day I feel empty, depressed, and hopeless. However, morning/early afternoon and later in the evening are fine. It's just that 5-9PM time frame where I've nothing to do with myself and everything just feels too damn real. It is really bizarre experiencing everything from elation, excitement and joy to frustration, worry, sadness, and utter despair all in one day. Eh, you know, I'm not complaining. I lost my partner but life is good. I'm doing all kinds of activist projects and getting closer to being the person I've always wanted to be. If I can stay away from drugs I can keep it up, but if not I'm screwed.

well my mother's fiance said i don't treat my mother right and he wouldn't even tell me what i did and i'm sobbing in my room by myself

[porcelain_pain]

Awe man that's the worst feeling. I hate being criticized vaguely for something and then having to do the guesswork, always ends up making me feel so bad! Just remember no one is perfect, and if you have made a mistake but people won't tell you what they think, that's not your fault...you can only change what you know..

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

well my mother's fiance said i don't treat my mother right and he wouldn't even tell me what i did and i'm sobbing in my room by myself

[ifst5]

Just another long, horrible, totally useless, self esteem annihilating, misery inducing crap fest of a day.

I'm not a bad person. And i know the universe is indifferent anyway. But when i see some of the ********* on this planet and the luck they have - it makes me so irrational. Can i not once, just ONCE, catch a break? I don't step on others, i don't try and destroy as many lives as possible in order to get what i want so please pleassssssseee shoot some of that consideration back if you can, world. It's sorely needed.

[isntlifewonderful]

Pixies were ****ing amazing and life's ****ing beautiful right now. I don't even feel like triggering myself to have control, I know the pain'll come back but I don't even care. I love everything right now. After Pixies went off the stage, they put David Bowie's Heroes on and me and A just stood there and held each other, both stuck in that amazing feeling of genuine happiness. We were heroes just for one day.

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[janinso]

Another good day.

[waiting4]

Not so good today. ('he' messaged. They really never let go entirely, do they??) Maybe tomorrow it will be better.

[JadeAmethyst]

Hospital procedure tomorrow....liquid diet....but ok.

[detachedangst]

Pdoc visit tomorrow. Going to try and be honest about suicidal ideation/thoughts. I have a hard time talking to him, but he is the only sliding scale/income based pdoc around that I can afford.

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[Espresso]

I think I had a pretty good day. I'm a little frustrated with myself, but besides that, things went well.

[BeautifulDisaster67]

Lonely and sad...

[shezbut]

I am confused, sad, and lonely to the nth degree.

[Britneigh]

12:50 and I'm just finishing work. Exhausted as eff