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#101
Apr 17, 2014, 01:08 PM
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Woke up very late in the afternoon, but i'm slowly getting used to the routine back home. I'm still struggling with an important decision - one that has no clear solution/preferred outcomes. I might have to accept that it's time to leave mental health services altogether and battle even harder on my own to retain a life of sorts. A very sad and confusing time.
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#102
Apr 17, 2014, 01:10 PM
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soaking up some sunshine, hope it stays this way
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
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 Withered-Rose79
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#103
Apr 18, 2014, 06:57 AM
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Constantly on the verge of tears. Really should see the doctor. Really, really don't like that idea.
Why do I continue to cry over someone I don't trust and fear? Feeling so desperately pathetic. |
 trying2survive
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#104
Apr 18, 2014, 10:19 AM
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Either this drug hangover isn't over yet, or I'm feeling depressed because of how little I've been doing in the last week and feeling bad about myself. I still don't have my motivation back. I had the craziest dreams I've ever had all night last night and woke up in a total daze. Waiting waiting waiting...
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#105
Apr 18, 2014, 11:49 AM
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The bf has a large portion of his stuff moved out. He took his alarm clock and phone charger, so I guess he's planning to sleep at his new place tonight. I'm having a mixture of emotions about it. I think sleeping alone is going to be the hardest part. However, it's been much easier since we didn't outright breakup; we agreed it is best for him to move out, but to continue to work on the relationship. Even if it doesn't work out, doing this in baby steps is easier for me than there being a sudden end to everything.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| Anonymous200125
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#106
Apr 18, 2014, 02:01 PM
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   Hi. I need to check in much more often here as you all understand the awful issues and problems with BPD. I've just come out of a 6 month suicidal depression. I'm a Jeckle and Hyde, I'm either really great or really awful. Either hiding away and not even washing myself and planning suicide or being right out there getting in peoples faces promising the world to everybody! What a dreadful roller~coaster and it's been that way for the last 30 plus years ~ tiring to say the least and absolutely terrible for my family as you can well imagine. HUGS to your all. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 
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| Bill3, Britneigh
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| Bill3
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#107
Apr 18, 2014, 03:50 PM
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I feeling a bit irritated and impatience and some grief going on too maybe.....
so, itook my pup for a walk, but still a bit bluesy..... |
| Bill3
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#108
Apr 19, 2014, 12:21 PM
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Horrible day. Sat down and just cried. My arm hurts still but I'm working like normal because my coworker is a useless dog turd. Boss is being extra hard on me with things I can't fix over night. Still have nightmares of max dying. It was so brutal. Another horse died and I found the missing dog dead in a ditch. I can't handle this. I'm drunk/high and its only 130... Right now in hiding in my room because I'm just freaking out.
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
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#109
Apr 19, 2014, 12:50 PM
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Quote:
((Hugs)) can you sit down and speak to your boss about the pressure your under as the co-worker isn't pulling their weight? I still think you should take a vacation or go sick for a few days, I think you've got burn out x Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
Verity 
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| Britneigh
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#110
Apr 19, 2014, 06:51 PM
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I feel as if i have turned a corner a bit today. I had a conversation and honestly expressed myself w/o self doubt and remorse afterwards.
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#111
Apr 19, 2014, 07:27 PM
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My boss is aware she isn't pulling her weight, she's actually been given her notice. I talked to my boss today for a bit and she understands, we are all pretty burnt out eight now. Though she is pretty awesome and gifted me a beautiful 3 day old filly who I've named Ginger. I had a moment and just sat down and cried. After I went over to see Ginger in her stall and she was sleeping and all I could do is smile and feel better. I've never felt so much love for something so quickly.
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| waggiedog
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| Bill3
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#112
Apr 19, 2014, 07:29 PM
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My beautiful baby
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| JadeAmethyst, waggiedog
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#114
Apr 20, 2014, 05:58 PM
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   ummmmm the old grief spiral is back right now, feeling partly cloudy to chances of rain.....
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| Bill3
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#115
Apr 20, 2014, 08:45 PM
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Things ended with my FWB guy because he was mad at me for not sleeping with him when I was feeling depressed. He said he's "aggravated." I liked him, so I feel sad. Trying hard not to text him and apologize. I have nothing to apologize for, but I feel like doing it anyway. I'm mad at myself for wanting to apologize to him.
And my one friend is not talking to me as much as he used to. |
| Bill3, JadeAmethyst, waggiedog
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| Bill3
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#116
Apr 21, 2014, 11:31 AM
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better at the moment, making sure to eat healthy, and drink more water today.
also, made a doctor appointment, and calling the dentist also..... Last edited by JadeAmethyst; Apr 21, 2014 at 11:32 AM. Reason: added |
| Bill3, waggiedog
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#118
Apr 21, 2014, 07:53 PM
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What a strange day...it was so up and down and just odd...
there were moments when I was feeling down right suicidal...and others when I was super happy and thrilled...others I was miserable. I honestly think in the last 12 hours I felt every single emotion a person feels...I even cried over the dog and horses that died again and its been a bit...and they weren't even mine. Ugh....I don't know whats wrong with me.
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| waggiedog
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#119
Apr 21, 2014, 08:01 PM
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So down tonight. Thinking about everything and just feeling it but trying not to.
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| Bill3, Britneigh, JadeAmethyst, waggiedog
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#120
Apr 22, 2014, 11:22 AM
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Feel like my life revolves around everyone else and am fed up. Seriously wanna be selfish! Maybe I don't wanna be ****ing reasonable and accommodating!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
Verity
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| Britneigh
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| waggiedog
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#122
Apr 22, 2014, 01:38 PM
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Today is quiet. I'm not raging out or crying hysterically. I am just here. So tired of my mind.
__________________
People love me... I hate myself. I'm a celebrity in my own mind... |
| Bill3, lynn808
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#123
Apr 22, 2014, 03:00 PM
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At the moment, I feel a bit more motivated and able to see some of my own decent traits. That all I am processing right now is a breakthrough this time around. I didn't like my "part" in it, but I'm ok. Better day today. Constructive and productive outcomes, and feeling myself, my life.
Jade |
| Bill3, lynn808
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#124
Apr 23, 2014, 07:40 AM
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meltdown since last night.
I want to go away. I called my T . Called crisis. If it werent for my children i would have went to the hospital. Last time i went it made things worse. ironic |
| Bill3, lynn808, SkyWhite
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#125
Apr 23, 2014, 09:00 AM
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Tired and emotionally and physically drained. The roller coaster has begun again.
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| Bill3, lynn808, SkyWhite
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| Closed Thread |
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