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#751
Jul 11, 2014, 12:44 PM
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So ... My Friday started out bad.
Just when I thought I had this calm thjng going cracked  how wrong was I! Woke up to a txt off the bf n he told me he loved me etc as usual but I always pick something negative ? I duno why but I do??!! Then I get to train station and it was cancelled so I was over a hour late for work. Just finished work now n have 3 hour journey home thanks to ****** trains not being on. fuming. Oh n 4 panic attacks in one day.... Exhausted c.
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 sideblinded, waiting4
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#752
Jul 11, 2014, 01:28 PM
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Not leaving my bed...giving my liver a day of rest after a 4 day alcohol bender. Nobody needs me anyway so nobody will notice I'm not around. I only matter when I'm useful
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| Bill3, Lefty_Mac, sideblinded, waiting4
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#753
Jul 11, 2014, 02:23 PM
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Bits of B moments seeping through today.
Going to do some mindful meditation shortly. |
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#754
Jul 11, 2014, 03:28 PM
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Sad and angry at the attitude of some ppeole at a music forum I visit, simply because I voiced what I like and what I dislike about the band. So am I supposed to like everything? it's a fans.com bord not fanboys.com board. And coping with personal attacks froma member there there everybody strongly dislikes who decided to get a rise out of me when he knows I'm having a hard time. I first contacted the administrator of the board, deleted all my history and cookies from the site in advance, and was prepared to leave if this guy didn't stop - that was yesterday. Today, I returned there and he still retorted at me, although not offensively, but still in a mild sarcastic manner so I sent him a private message. It's too bad, cos depending on how things go, I'll have to leave a place where I had fun, nice true friends and could speak casually. But certain things I just don't accept anymore.
__________________
"Did you ever wake up to find A day That broke up your mind Destroyed your notion of circular time? It's just that demon life that got you in its' sway..."
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| sideblinded, waiting4
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#755
Jul 11, 2014, 04:32 PM
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Quote:
 just for you! And a 
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 detachedangst
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#756
Jul 11, 2014, 04:44 PM
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I feel like a hyperactive kid in an adult body.... Not in a lost sense, but my body feels like a motor that won't turn off. I wake up moving a body part and go all day with too much energy and I have to move my feet or rock my body back and forth to get to sleep....then it starts right in again as soon as I wake up. It is frustrating!
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| detachedangst, shakespeare47
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#758
Jul 11, 2014, 08:25 PM
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Sorry liver
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| sideblinded
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#760
Jul 11, 2014, 08:45 PM
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Still thinking whether my birthday present was good enough, and if the helping I tried to do had any results. But listening to good music and much more tranquilized now.
__________________
"Did you ever wake up to find A day That broke up your mind Destroyed your notion of circular time? It's just that demon life that got you in its' sway..."
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| Achy Turtle Armor
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#761
Jul 11, 2014, 09:47 PM
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Quote:
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
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#762
Jul 11, 2014, 09:49 PM
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Quote:
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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#763
Jul 11, 2014, 09:50 PM
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Quote:
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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| Lefty_Mac
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| Lefty_Mac
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#764
Jul 11, 2014, 10:29 PM
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Enjoying a break from from my constantly high anxiety.
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#765
Jul 11, 2014, 10:30 PM
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starting a bender 2 nite..
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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#766
Jul 11, 2014, 11:46 PM
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Was good...now...the pendulum swings...afore...mentioned...hurt...and ... wow, I need my T so much right now but I'm ...gonna be strong and wait...it's only a week.
FFS...why do I let people hurt me so much???? Why do I believe the ugly that is my mind when I know I'm not a bad person......why can't I just give the fuk up??? I just want to give the fuk up. 
__________________
 Sometimes the opening of wings is more frightening than the challenge against gravity. Both make you free..............the secret is perception. |
| Anonymous100165, Anonymous100185, Lefty_Mac
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#767
Jul 12, 2014, 01:57 AM
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Quote:
__________________
"Did you ever wake up to find A day That broke up your mind Destroyed your notion of circular time? It's just that demon life that got you in its' sway..."
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| waiting4
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#768
Jul 12, 2014, 02:01 AM
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Quote:
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| waiting4
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#769
Jul 12, 2014, 06:34 AM
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I'm doing okay so far.
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#770
Jul 12, 2014, 07:49 AM
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I had a friend on here... Skies something, and now it says anonymous for them and I can't message them. I hope everything is ok.
Anyway, my hours are effed again because I took a super long nap... exhaustion/heat hit me I don't know. But I am on the upswing.
__________________
Wifey, artist, daydreamer. |
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#771
Jul 12, 2014, 08:23 AM
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Trying to stay present
__________________
...In the darkness I will meet my creators And they will all agree, that I’m a suffocator
 -Daughter |
| zombie paloma
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| detachedangst
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#772
Jul 12, 2014, 08:58 AM
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Me too, Achy Turtles, mee too. It is so d*** hard though.
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| zombie paloma
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| Achy Turtle Armor
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#773
Jul 12, 2014, 09:07 AM
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Four panic attacks ..... When will it end
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| waiting4, zombie paloma
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#774
Jul 12, 2014, 10:10 AM
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Thank you for kind words, previous, those who did.I guess the thing that hurts is that people I thought mattered, really don't matter, except to themselves...and for too long a while, I made them matter to me. And the crash into the reality of that....makes me need to hurt myself.
Because I can't deal with the reality of the ones I wanted to matter.....not. I actually realized I can manage 'alone'.....how do I manage disappointment? The clinging kind that never quite brushes off.... I've really GOT to stop saying, if only in my mind "I wouldn't have done that to you!" because...they don't care...they're used to doing it...have gotten away with doing it...and claim their reasons are valid --except they would be MY reasons if I chose. BUT I WON'T. Ever. I would NEVER have done that to you. That doesn't make me better. Or well.
__________________
Sometimes the opening of wings is more frightening than the challenge against gravity. Both make you free..............the secret is perception. |
| Anonymous100185, zombie paloma
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#775
Jul 12, 2014, 01:04 PM
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Gonna get drunk and forget everything tonight. Been binging a lot lately... and I miss A. God I'm lonely, scared and empty.
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| Espresso, waiting4, zombie paloma
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| Closed Thread |
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