Jealousy.....

So I'm sure regular people and people with other PD's may get jealous sometimes...but how do you handle it? Even with BPD, I don't rage over it but I do shut down...hard. Over perceived things or obvious things and I'm not sure which is worse....thinking it MIGHT have happened, or knowing it DID happen. In any case, I just ..... quickly turn my back and walk. And then ruminate for hours and days....until the inevitable cry. And THAT can last for months.

So how do YOU handle it? (or not handle it?)

Well when I start thinking it might happen I look at my situation logically. Do I have any proof? Am I just being paranoid? I usually am able to understand that my BPD is what's causing these thoughts and not actual facts. It's all about thinking rationally.
If something actually did happen, well of course you're going to feel sad or jealous but you walk away from that person because no deserves to be treated like that.

I totally agree...but I think it's the 'looking at it logically' that sometimes is beyond me. I guess, because sometimes the more illogical it looks, the more certain I am it's logical, because my mind wouldn't trick me like that, right?? And that's when the lack of self-esteem duals with my innate certainty no one could really want Me.....so proven or not, I run like a rabbit.

i think it is a bit harder for us with BPD because everything is so much more intensified, so right away it's not a picnic..then you throw in a bit of paranoia and our minds are off to the races.

i have the jealous thoughts from time to time(even now over little things that i shouldn't be) but i tell myself i am being insecure & if i have no reason to believe anything is going on..then i need to calm down.

i think i do a good job of controlling it...i don't want to run anybody away, so i know that i have to so i don't have to deal with being abandoned, so that forces me to keep a lid on it.

i get these thoughts in my head and i just do my best to ignore them, sometimes i don't ask certain questions because i know they will reveal my jealousy and create problems so i "shut down" too...sometimes i think it's better that way, this way i don't f*** it up( i'm pretty good at that!)

IMHO the best thing to do is to realize the feelings for what they are just feelings with no substance or merit..not easy to do but gets easier with practice, so when they pop in i say to myself "ok i am being jealous, let me stop , think about what i am about to say to make sure i am not about to ruin everything"..so far it's working!

IMHO that's about all you can do, i don't know that jealous feelings every go away...i imagine they mean that we fear someone we want is being taken away from us/ability to be together is being threatened, and of course we don't want that so those feelings crank right on up!

i hope this helps

All of it well said, but this last is the truth behind all of it, I think.

i couldn't agree with you more...that is probably what it all boils down too, the fear your know.