[LadyCat]

First off hi all. I just joined since I really wanted to talk to people who are in similar situations like me.
I am confused as to whether or not my boyfriend (we're in a stage discussion whether or not to break up ._.) is right for treating me like a sack of waste.
Basically my BPD has gone from bad to worse in these past years. I am under 18 and none irl knows how I truly behave and feel. (Me and my boyfriend, of 4 years, are in a Long distance relationship by the way !) So basically he stopped caring whenever I rage. He ignores my rants and I end up cussing him like mad. I end up in tears afterwards and he just mocks me saying to get therapy and that he doesn't loveme anymore. He knows I have mental problems he used to help me but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't care if i say hurtful things to him. I lie a lot and many times hes been begging to leave me but I have panic attacks when I imagine myself being without him. He basically repeats ''I'm staying because you're forcing me too''. I said worse stuff to him, threatening to blackmail, threatening to hurt him and his family, etc. I regret all that but I can't help myself when all he does is ignoring me and goes afk when I'm desperate for his attention. He said to take a break for a while and see how it goes away from me. I really want therapy but I can't do anything. The times i went to one i didn't say the truth i just kept lying because i don't trust people and fear they will tell my parents. I really need help and maybe just talking to someone whos in a similar situation like me will do. I'm so alone .___.

Thank you for reading this long paragraph but I had to let my feels out.

[Kimaya]

Hi LadyCat, welcome to PC

It sounds like you are struggling, and not in the best situation. I really hope you give therapy another try, it might take some time to trust your therapist with your issues, but I believe you can find hope.

This is a good place to talk to people who you can say your crazy stuff and not have to worry about being judged.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by LadyCat

First off hi all. I just joined since I really wanted to talk to people who are in similar situations like me.
I am confused as to whether or not my boyfriend (we're in a stage discussion whether or not to break up ._.) is right for treating me like a sack of waste.
Basically my BPD has gone from bad to worse in these past years. I am under 18 and none irl knows how I truly behave and feel. (Me and my boyfriend, of 4 years, are in a Long distance relationship by the way !) So basically he stopped caring whenever I rage. He ignores my rants and I end up cussing him like mad. I end up in tears afterwards and he just mocks me saying to get therapy and that he doesn't loveme anymore. He knows I have mental problems he used to help me but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't care if i say hurtful things to him. I lie a lot and many times hes been begging to leave me but I have panic attacks when I imagine myself being without him. He basically repeats ''I'm staying because you're forcing me too''. I said worse stuff to him, threatening to blackmail, threatening to hurt him and his family, etc. I regret all that but I can't help myself when all he does is ignoring me and goes afk when I'm desperate for his attention. He said to take a break for a while and see how it goes away from me. I really want therapy but I can't do anything. The times i went to one i didn't say the truth i just kept lying because i don't trust people and fear they will tell my parents. I really need help and maybe just talking to someone whos in a similar situation like me will do. I'm so alone .___.

Thank you for reading this long paragraph but I had to let my feels out.

well, where do i start

ok i will deal w/ how you are being treated first, if you care about someone..you just don't treat them like a sack of waste..this tells me he cares nothing for you( i know it's hard to hear, but i'm going to have to present the facts here).

LD relationship..bad idea & it's been four years? have you guys EVER seen each other? kissed each other? held each other? done things together..in the flesh, made love?

i'm not one to recommend a LD relationship at all, very problematic and even worse for us BPD's..if you have BPD a long distance relationship is just a bad idea..we need attention and affection too much for that..you are not getting your needs met & it's making your BPD worse and worse.

one of the things my T told me (when i WAS going to therapy) is that we tend to go for/fall for/deal with people that are emotionally unavailable.
your bf obviously falls in this camp..he just isn't there for you and it's just not healthy.

idk why we get attached to these people that just don't give a s*** about us..i'm trying to do better..but man i have a terrible habit of doing that too.
maybe it's about the thrill of the chase for us BPD's, wanting something we know we can't have, i don't really know or understand it..just trying not to do it any more.

yes it will hurt like hell to leave him alone, it always does for us BPD's..but you need to. also you should find someone local who you can be with and meet your needs( us BPD's can be quite needy, at least i am)

the longer this goes on the more damage it will do..it is plain to see he is at a mindset that he can walk away at any time & i get the impression he is toying with you.

he is mean
he is insensitive
he is treating you like a "sack of waste"

time to end the self torture, you gotta get outta this..i hope this helps

[Lefty_Mac]

Agreed with Trying2Survivea and Kimaya wholeheartedly. There's not much I can say other than: be yourself here - you're absolutely free. And dont feel bad about lying to people: most of them are judgemental PRICKS, who don't want to know nor care about our problems, so might as well. But seek a therapist and spill your guts out - that's the best thing you can for yourself at the present moment. And a good psychiatrist too. Just dont lie to THEM. I don't trust people either, but at least I no longer fear being judged - just look at my profile and posts. And you WON'T be judged here as well, so open up and I wish you much love and happiness. Sent you a friend request, you can count on me.

P.S: DUMP THE CHUMP.

[LadyCat]

I will get therapy but he said he doesnt love me. At times when we don't completely fight everything goes perfectly fine and we're both happy as if we just started dating. But for this past month we've done nothing but fight and i refuse to let him go because i've known him for 6 yrs and hes my first bf. he was never like this 2 years ago. Hes mean he mocks me and ignores me when im raging but i want his attention. He is an amazing guy, he used to care a lot for me, tried to help in many ways, gave me a lot of chances, stood by my side..I don't want to go i can't imagine him being with another girl and enjoying life and there is none in the world like him .-. while im here cutting myself crying and do other crazy stuff ;-;

[Fuzzybear]

[lovesdogs99]

Don't hurt yourself.

I really think that you guys have an unhealthy relationship... a break would be for the best. You seem to be extremely dependent on him which is unhealthy.

[LadyCat]

I may be a control freak sometimes lol but he threatens to block me if i keep bugging him. Btw to previous questions I skyped with him and what not but i find sex to be a waste of time so does he. He really is amazing when i'm not in ''bpd mode''. I'm trying to trust him since he said we'll meet again in few weeks but i get the feeling he lied and blocked me not for few weeks but forever. I have hopes up that this relationship will work. I'm positive that even if everyone said we should break up we still can do it. Or am i wrong :S?

[shakespeare47]

Most of my relationships were a mess when I was in my teens and twenties.... I wish I had some advice... but, I'm afraid that I wouldn't know what the hell I was talking about.... All I can say is, I've been there... it's confusing as hell.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by LadyCat

I will get therapy but he said he doesnt love me. At times when we don't completely fight everything goes perfectly fine and we're both happy as if we just started dating. But for this past month we've done nothing but fight and i refuse to let him go because i've known him for 6 yrs and hes my first bf. he was never like this 2 years ago. Hes mean he mocks me and ignores me when im raging but i want his attention. He is an amazing guy, he used to care a lot for me, tried to help in many ways, gave me a lot of chances, stood by my side..I don't want to go i can't imagine him being with another girl and enjoying life and there is none in the world like him .-. while im here cutting myself crying and do other crazy stuff ;-;

he is causing you a lot of pain...him telling you he doesn't love you is like an atomic bomb..that's just awful.

seriously..i know it hurts..but it;'s time to move on.
you have got to worry about you so you can start healing

[Lefty_Mac]

Originally Posted by LadyCat

I will get therapy but he said he doesnt love me. At times when we don't completely fight everything goes perfectly fine and we're both happy as if we just started dating. But for this past month we've done nothing but fight and i refuse to let him go because i've known him for 6 yrs and hes my first bf. he was never like this 2 years ago. Hes mean he mocks me and ignores me when im raging but i want his attention. He is an amazing guy, he used to care a lot for me, tried to help in many ways, gave me a lot of chances, stood by my side..I don't want to go i can't imagine him being with another girl and enjoying life and there is none in the world like him .-. while im here cutting myself crying and do other crazy stuff ;-;

I told you dear...when he stood by your side he didn't really understand what was going on. WHen the **** hit the fsn, his demeanor changed. "Ahhhh....so she's sick. What to do? Hmmm....."

In this case I think that he thought it would best to do is to take advantage of it. As those people do with all of us. My third gitlfriend and nearly fiancée, would use me like a rag doll, when she found out I had ''something wrong''...she ruined my life and left me pining and suffering for six years until I could finally let her go. And I still didn't let her go completely.

You have a kind, caring and sensitive heart and he's not good for you. Don't insist in that. I will help you..allblock_box_v1{border-style:solid;border-width:1px;border-color:#ff5500;}

[Trippin2.0]

Why do you insist on forcing a relationship to work with someone who admits he doesn't love you?

Seriously, what's in it for you? Being able to say you have a bf?

Because other than relationship status, I don't see what you're gaining from this at all. Unless you're obsessed with him and you're feeding your obsession. That's the only other honest angle I see.

Pearl of wisdom: The longer you waste your time and effort on someone who doesn't love you, the more opportunities for meeting the right person you miss out on.

Don't hold onto this bf just because he's your first bf. That's not a good enough reason to continue a relationship. Not at all.

Honestly, your relationship sounds nothing short of toxic, its clear even to you (because you're here posting) that its bad for you. So you may as well admit it to yourself.
Do something good for yourself and move on.
You're flogging a dead horse that's emitting dangerous toxins. Stop it, or stop complaining about it.

You know that saying, "you've made your bed now lie in it" ... well if you choose to stay with your bf that pertains to you. But the truth is that's a bullshyt saying at best, because you can unmake the damn bed and even change the covers.

It all comes down to choice.
The choice is all yours.

Please be advised that I'm not Willy Wonka, so I don't sugarcoat shyt I'm blunt and direct, but in no way do I intend to be mean. I'm just not a mean person, well ok when I feel attacked I am but generally to random strangers? No. Definitly not.

So... Please pretty please don't think I'm trying to be anything except helpful. I really do want you to start making GOOD choices for yourself. The younger we start, the better.

[Lefty_Mac]

Yep, that pretty much sums me up too. If I'm gonna help people here I'm not gonna feed their ego to make em feel better anymore, or perhaps make em fell WORSE so they can wake the f---k up and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Three days have passed since my last post here and I regret immensely posting this bull here.

Yeah, you're a nice, senditive with a good heart etc, person LadyCat but I forgot to tell you you're also stupid if you insist in that. I will help you, but after I took a walk from out last convo cuz I couldn't stand anymore the 5-year old mentality you were portraying there, concerning in insisting on the same s--t all over and over again, I've decided to close the site after back from the john. FOR GOOD REASON.