[HD7970GHZ]

I haven't ever considered trauma in my life. But its starting to make sense. It has a role to play in the how, what, when, where and why's.

I cry each day and night. Reminded to stay alive. And I will try.

[Britneigh]

My boss's dog is dying. It's leaving me feeling so sad and empty. That dog has been my saviour so many nights. This job is so draining with all the death.

[Britneigh]

She's gone. I went to bed a few hours ago and just woke up to go to the bathroom and she's gone. Before I slept I got her to eat a bunch of chicken and we snuggled and I laid with her for a while and told her how much I loved her and will miss her but I'd be okay and I'd look out for my boss for her, and told her if she had to go it's okay just like my boss did. I didn't let her see me sad and was strong for her, but ****kk. She's gone. Just...gone.

First time I've seen this doctor and she seriously looked at my records noted that I was on the highest dose of seretide and that despite that I still needed prednisone to get through the last two springs and then decided that it would be a brilliant idea to lower my dose of seretide without telling me.

FML.

Doctors are useless. Ima have an asthma attack and die just to spite her.

[Britneigh]

Trigger warning I guess. I can't find the little icon on my phone.

I'm posting a stupid amount. Sorry if I'm annoying anyone.
I'm struggling majorly. Nothing makes me happy. I want to SI really badly but its been a few months so I'm trying not to throw that all away. My boss asked the other day if I was alright because she was worried, I lied and said there's nothing to worry about but truth be told that day she didn't. But now maybe there is reason to worry. I dunno. The "s" word is on my mind but I can't even muster the energy to get out of bed so I don't think that's any danger. I just feel like an awful person. I probably am.

[Britneigh]

How's everyone lol. This thread is pretty quiet lately.

[shezbut]

I am chugging away here. Working on Thanksgiving Day plans with my girls. I don't work on that holiday, so it will be a bit different than last year. Crossing my fingers..

[SeekerOfLife]

Feeling discouraged. Hoping I feel better after my meds kick in.

[cryingontheinside]

I had my first therapy today. I feel good but also drained. He expects me to answer really personal questions on our first ever therapy session, this could get really deep and i hope i dont fall in love with him, oh wow. I am really confused, happy but drained.

[Astridetal]

I feel very sad, but don't know why. I had this really bad outburst over my husband forgetting the candies at home when he took me back to the institution. I had really planned on having a binge. I feel the anger started over more than just the candies but I'm not sure and it would not be something I'd want to discuss on a public forum.

[Britneigh]

I want a drink really badly. Like really bad. I'm not really doing all that well right now.

[SeekerOfLife]

Britneigh, coffee always helps my moods.

[Britneigh]

I drank. I'm drunk. I'm kind of a failure

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

I drank. I'm drunk. I'm kind of a failure

Nope. Just are. Tomorrow is a new day to make new choices.

[Espresso]

I feel like I've wasted my life.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Today I got two HUGE trash bags full of clothes that either don't fit or that I only wore to please my ex. His shower crap, half empty and rusty... trashed. The broken pans that he wanted to keep for some reason... gone. I am feeling more and more liberated every day. Go me! Now, time to smoke a bit. B-)

[Angelique67]

Wow, that's amazing ATA! I have a bunch more stuff in here now that I have to deal with. Unfortunately.

[Blue_velvet09]

All these group projects I have to do for school make me feel so isolated and suicidal. It's a constant reminder that I have trouble being around others

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Blue_velvet09

All these group projects I have to do for school make me feel so isolated and suicidal. It's a constant reminder that I have trouble being around others

Don't let this get you down.

Remember this won't last forever.

Concentrate on the final goal.

Be well.

[Crazy Hitch]

I see my T today.

Thank goodness.

I need to vent to her.

Even though I've just seen her last week.

[cryingontheinside]

Feeling low, deflated, useless.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I live on champagne, valium, cigarettes and chocolate.
I spend my time reading in between crying.
I'm not going real well.

[cryingontheinside]

I feel even worse today. And i had terrible nightmares like i do every time i manage to sleep.

[Britneigh]

Feeling a bit better. Have been in a major slump lately.

[XSleepingSiren21X]

I've had some good news and bad new
Good news:
I had a good thanksgiving, had a few anxiety moments here and there, but after some people left and I stayed around my cousins for the meantime I was all good.

Bad news: I lost my job, I was told they thought I took too many days off, so they let me go. I'm kind of glad and not. I'm glad because I had really high amounts of anxiety sometimes and mostly everyday I did my routines, but I still liked it in someway because of the nice co-workers and the fact I'm finally making money.

Now I'm back on the grinder again with finding a new job, which sucks because finding a job for me is impossible practically and when I do get a job, I can't stick to it very long because of the anxiety.