[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

That moment you realize you're nothing. Nobody gives a crap. You're just crap. Maybe my thoughts of the s word aren't so off base. It's feeling more and more like a viable option.

Ok. That is a big decision right? I'm wondering if you would consider buying a home right now? How about a car? Anything else that you'd want to put some thought into? If not, then why would making this big decision right now be a good idea? Do I make any sense? Oh, and I have no clue who you are but what I do know... I love.

[BlueWhisky]

Today I feel lost, incurable and ready to just go to sleep.

[Tsukiko]

I find myself slightly slipping back into a couple of bad relationship patterns that I believed were taken care of and part of the past. Reverting to the behaviors I've fought hard to break is a terrifying thought. I'm almost in a panic.

[LiraBallet]

Nightmares... The reason I wish I didn't have to sleep.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Britneigh... Are you okay?

[Espresso]

Drunk, but not totally suicidal. What an improvement, right? I hate society, the government, stupid people. but not myself too much at the moment. You know what's strange? 'Stupid people' is relative.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Spoke to a 'friend' today and she said some hurtful **** for no reason. Was upset earlier but sort of feel okay now, well I feel sort of calm but like I'm about to break and make stupid choices. I often have a strange calm before the storm.

[Mindful55]

I am SO tired of being strong...

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[technigal]

Long day yesterday... finally have a final diagnosis for my son - autism, adhd and anxiety. Now to learn all I can about autism and autism combined with adhd... Feeling overwhelmed!

[dancinglady]

((((((((((Technical)))))))))))). I am so sorry about your news. This has got to be hard to take. I read in the Internet "you have just won the negative gene lottery". I hope you have a great support system to help you and your son through this. Is the school personnel helping????

[Espresso]

Today is a bad day for some reason. I hate myself.

[Mindful55]

I am feeling so thin skined emotionally my heart is breaking

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[Achy Turtle Armor]

Not doing a good enough job at faking it. Need to keep everyone in my life in the dark about the way I am feeling. Except for my T of course. I don't want the attention. I don't want anyone to try to help me. No one understands that feeling the way I do is just the way I am.

[Mindful55]

Originally Posted by technigal

Long day yesterday... finally have a final diagnosis for my son - autism, adhd and anxiety. Now to learn all I can about autism and autism combined with adhd... Feeling overwhelmed!

Technigal..

Both of my daughters children have Autism.
My grandson was diagnosed at age 10. ADHD / Tourette Syndrome diagnosed at an earlier age.

He was in public school until 7th grade, along with therapy. The autism was not being addressed in school.

My daughter fought the system for him to be in residential. At this point she is in process of him moving to one that will be teaching life skills.
Every child is different for what they need to survive independently. He is 18, and legally can stay in school.
In others words..fight for what your son needs.
I wish him the best.

How old is your son?



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[mommyto3furballs]

bad day. don't care anymore.

[tigersassy]

I'm just lost and confused. Everything has aspects that fit me. Treatment varies based on diagnosis. Like if I'm bipolar meds. If it's PTSD or borderline therapy. PTSD and borderline are so deeply entwined. Do I fit anywhere? My moods are everywhere even when predominately one there are still sharp bursts of others. I have abandonment issues. I know that and admit. Boredom... I should be working, but my brain is running crazy. Treat the symptoms. I keep getting told don't worry about the diagnosis. Treating the symptoms is the fix. I don't believe that. Black white. I don't like gray. Fact fiction. Truth lies. Ummmmmm......

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Mindful55

Technigal..

Both of my daughters children have Autism.
My grandson was diagnosed at age 10. ADHD / Tourette Syndrome diagnosed at an earlier age.

He was in public school until 7th grade, along with therapy. The autism was not being addressed in school.

My daughter fought the system for him to be in residential. At this point she is in process of him moving to one that will be teaching life skills.
Every child is different for what they need to survive independently. He is 18, and legally can stay in school.
In others words..fight for what your son needs.
I wish him the best.

How old is your son?
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My son is 9. He is very intelligent and very verbal, his problems are in areas of social construct. He tries to be social but he just doesn't get it, but with treatment and practice he will. And believe me when I say that I go into 'momma bear' mode very easily.

[Mindful55]

Originally Posted by technigal

My son is 9. He is very intelligent and very verbal, his problems are in areas of social construct. He tries to be social but he just doesn't get it, but with treatment and practice he will. And believe me when I say that I go into 'momma bear' mode very easily.

You fo girl he is a lucky boy!!

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[Britneigh]

I've decided to sell my horses and tack. it's probably not the best move. But it is what it is.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

I've decided to sell my horses and tack. it's probably not the best move. But it is what it is.

Why, Britneigh? Are things that bad? What's going on?

[Britneigh]

I just make a mess of things and am bothering others and imposing. I shouldn't be here. And the first step of not bothering people anymore is getting rid of the horses. they're better off with someone else anyway.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

***TRIGGER***SI***SU***
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I saw my T today and I was completely honest with him about my suicidal thoughts, my cutting, & the pills I've been using to numb and punish myself. The hardest thing that I told him though was that he feels like a father figure to me while at other times I get aroused seeing him, listening to him, or thinking about him. I told him that it is f***ing with my head.

I recorded the session as usual and he said some really important stuff at the end. He told me to listen to it over and over until I get it. In the end though I somehow only got the 1st 15 minutes of the session. I am a bit bummed about it but he would say, "It wasn't the right time."

Feeling relieved that I only have to wait 2 weeks to see him again instead of 4.

[Britneigh]

I dyed my hair a few days ago. Nobody has said anything. I really am invisible.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

***TRIGGER***DRUGS***SI***

Night has arrived and I'm already getting anxious. I'm getting anxious and I want to do something. Something I shouldn't do. I want to hurt myself. I want to take some pills. I want to get drugged up. I want to numb myself. I want to disappear. I don't want to be here anymore. This happens almost every night. Why is it at night? Why is it that it night time I totally lose my mind? I'm not going to do any of that s***. Instead I'm leaving the house. I'm going to an NA meeting. in a part of town that I don't want to go to just so that I can be around people. I won't do something stupid for at least a couple of hours. This is the way my life is now. The spend way too much time on the internet looking for ways to f*** myself up. But there's never an answer. And my therapist, he says, "The answer is not out there. It's in here," as he's pointing to his chest. I guess he means I'm not going to find the solution to my misery in any drug. I know he's right. I think I'm the only one that's going to be able to stop this but I don't know how yet. He tells me stuff but I just can't get it.

I gotta go.

[dancinglady]

I am out getting drunk again. Nightly occurrence now. It relieves the pain. No more aloneness when you have a beer in your hand.