[HD7970GHZ]

Embarassed myself in front of family during easter dinner. Can't even hold a conversation with anyone, projecting all kinds of bad on everyone... I am a wreck. I left our family dinner and I am currently hiding in my room under the bed sheets. My mind is racing and I am considering suicide. Thoughts are rampant. I can't socialize anymore. I want to just disappear! I see everyone doing well and I can't even get out of bed.

Life is NOT fair. I hate how everyone can be so happy and I am stuck miserable because of all the **** I've gone through. My recent abandonment has destroyed me...

[Mindful55]

Been a very painful mentally day. Very emotional. I just want to be alone I and cry. Waiting to pick up my refill rx tomorrow for Effivor...that stuff is nasty..

I am tried of being strong too much ****.

[Mindful55]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Embarassed myself in front of family during easter dinner. Can't even hold a conversation with anyone, projecting all kinds of bad on everyone... I am a wreck. I left our family dinner and I am currently hiding in my room under the bed sheets. My mind is racing and I am considering suicide. Thoughts are rampant. I can't socialize anymore. I want to just disappear! I see everyone doing well and I can't even get out of bed.

Life is NOT fair. I hate how everyone can be so happy and I am stuck miserable because of all the **** I've gone through. My recent abandonment has destroyed me...

We are here HD..

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[Espresso]

I'm searching for answers. I'm desperate for something to change. I can't live like this anymore. I reached my breaking point a few weeks ago, and I've been holding there, trying not to actually break, trying to find a way to take a step back from that ledge. I feel like I need to kill myself, but I desperately want to be saved from this misery. I want there to be hope for the future even though I can't see it now. But like I said, I'm at my breaking point, and I'm also weak. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Does anyone have any suggestions? What can I do? What should I do?

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Espresso

I'm searching for answers. I'm desperate for something to change. I can't live like this anymore. I reached my breaking point a few weeks ago, and I've been holding there, trying not to actually break, trying to find a way to take a step back from that ledge. I feel like I need to kill myself, but I desperately want to be saved from this misery. I want there to be hope for the future even though I can't see it now. But like I said, I'm at my breaking point, and I'm also weak. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Does anyone have any suggestions? What can I do? What should I do?

Just breathe, slow and steady. It will get better. I wish I knew exactly what to say, but it will get better. We're here and we know from our own experiences how you feel. Lots of hugs.

[jeremiahgirl]

I'm sorry to hear of your pain, hurt and struggle. Most here have been were you are right now, and haven't taken that fatal leap. We all have found some inner hope (no matter how small) and held on. I don't know what your dealing with, it must be very hard if your ready to end the pain. I take it your familiar with the in's and out's of BPD, if this is so going to a hospital is often a better choice then ending ones life. Some or most feel the time of rest and calms and helps our impulses. Can you please think about this choice, I know it may seem impossible but should you end your life it will be final and therefore a devastating shock and hurt to people left behind. I am a woman of faith and often pray for strength. When I feel impulsive or have ideations I think of my "soul" and where it will be for an eternity. Though you maybe suffering this struggle, ending your life could be an eternal struggle with no relief in a place where there is no light or hope. You at this moment have Hope, though you may not see it. Hope is going to a hospital that has professional health workers to help you work through what's hurting you so much. There's hope but you must chose this hope to feel better. This choice is yours and yours alone. We here are here to support you, love you and guide you the best we can. But ultimately you have the choice to hold on or to let go. Personally I hope and pray you choose to hold on and seek professional help. That's why there are emergency rooms to help those who need help in difficult situations in life. Your at a crisis, point give it to someone else to help you.
I shall be praying for wisdom and speedy help for your needs. We here care about You! ;@)

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[Britneigh]

Had a really great day it was my birthday and Easter and I thought I'd he spending it alone but my friend surprised me and came up for the day. We had lunch and I rode my mare who was actually behaved for once and then went to dinner. My friend took some pictures for me when I rode, I'm always behind the lense so it's rare I have picture of me on a horse unless it's video stills or I use a timer and they're not usually any good So I'm super excited! It was a nice surprise.

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Had a really great day it was my birthday and Easter and I thought I'd he spending it alone but my friend surprised me and came up for the day. We had lunch and I rode my mare who was actually behaved for once and then went to dinner. My friend took some pictures for me when I rode, I'm always behind the lense so it's rare I have picture of me on a horse unless it's video stills or I use a timer and they're not usually any good So I'm super excited! It was a nice surprise.

Happy Birthday! I'm glad you had a good day. Mine is coming up on Thursday--a fellow April baby I'm hoping it will be a good week.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Here's hoping I won't be crying at work today.

Just don't see the point in carrying on anymore. I've taken great care of myself all these years, now I want someone else to.

If I'm gonna be alone for eternity, I don't want to spend it in my apartment ... I can think of better places.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by lilodian4ever

Just don't see the point in carrying on anymore. I've taken great care of myself all these years, now I want someone else to.

If I'm gonna be alone for eternity, I don't want to spend it in my apartment ... I can think of better places.

What!? This is not the lilodian4ever I have come to know. Remember we all have bad days but they are what makes us stronger. My T would say that you are all you need. He tells me that I need to learn to enjoy my own company. This is not to suggest isolation, just being happy with yourself. He also tells me that one is never too old to find a partner... If that's what you want.

if it's ok.

I believe in you.

[Britneigh]

Another good day. My friend got me a guinea pig since Harry died and I was wanting another one but couldn't afford one right away. He's just a tiny bugger hut Gibby seems to love him, so if he's happy I'm happy I move next week...I didn't really realize my moving date was so soon...I'm nervous but it'll he good.

[Espresso]

I'm doing a little better today than I have been recently even though I feel abandoned by someone who I thought was going to help me. I'm trying to work through some of my issues... alone, because I don't have anyone to help me. What I wouldn't give for a real hug from someone who understands the pain I'm feeling.

[jeremiahgirl]

I'm happy to hear that "Espresso" here is a hug! ((((( ))))) know I care, I've been there before. ;@)

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[jeremiahgirl]

Physically hurting from joints Arthritis Grrrr!!

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Been doing pretty good - my sister and I are talking. At least we're not silent. I'm dealing with her move here coming up at the end of the month. I think we're trying to say goodbye and not end in such horrible terms. I think it's a start and I'm happy that I actually went out on a limb and risked getting hurt. I understand she has to go, but I think I would have beaten myself up more if she left and we didn't talk between now and her move. LIttle steps.....little steps are good....
wishing everyone a good night....

[Verity81]

Really sick of hayfever, can't believe how I'll it makes me. I can't sleep properly. I'm taking prescription strength antihistamines, nose spray and eye drops. This time of year I really hate trees!

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[Bubbles&Buttercup]

So I've been back in my hometown visiting my parents and friends for a week and I head back "home" on the train tomorrow.
I'm absolutely ****ing dreading it.
My sister is useless, her kids are loud and annoying, my aunty called me fat and I don't want to go back to tafe.
I may fall apart.

[Britneigh]

Fairly certain I have a cavity...I've never had one before but my mouth is in so much pain, its shooting from my tooth up to my ear. Of course I'm in the middle of moving and had to pay first/last so I'm super tight financially right now so going to the dentist isn't an option. Spent the whole day in bed yesterday sleeping on and off...I had planned on riding and starting to pack but that didn't happen.

I'm freaking out about moving...6 days and I'll be on my own. Its weird because the part I'm most worried about is the dog I adopted...I'm worried he won't settle well or is going to cause issues etc and worried that I made the wrong decision to take him on. I guess I won't know till he's home if it'll work out...I'm just a worry wort.

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Fairly certain I have a cavity...I've never had one before but my mouth is in so much pain, its shooting from my tooth up to my ear. Of course I'm in the middle of moving and had to pay first/last so I'm super tight financially right now so going to the dentist isn't an option. Spent the whole day in bed yesterday sleeping on and off...I had planned on riding and starting to pack but that didn't happen.

I'm freaking out about moving...6 days and I'll be on my own. Its weird because the part I'm most worried about is the dog I adopted...I'm worried he won't settle well or is going to cause issues etc and worried that I made the wrong decision to take him on. I guess I won't know till he's home if it'll work out...I'm just a worry wort.

Britneigh
If things get to be too much, you come here and you talk to us okay. You moving on your own and the pup - some people might not see that as a big thing, but those are big responsibilities. I don't say that to overwhelm you - I think those are exciting things for you. And, I hope you won't forget to stop by here and VENT and SCREAM here if you have to...although I wish you much luck and joy in this journey of yours. I also wish there was a way for you to get your tooth taken care of. I'm sorry about that.

I've had multiple managers at work tell me I'm better off looking outside the company, which is another way of saying they don't want me there.

I'm done with work. Next, ... forest.

Feeling a bit lost. I've had a good week, had a friend staying with me. But now he has gone home and my mood is heading downwards. And the urges for my negative coping strategies are increasing.

[jeremiahgirl]

Really really NOT good at all " went to see my Psych Dr" things went good, but she's somewhat persistent on getting me to take meds! I've let go of a lot of them because I feel no need for them. I don't sleep well, never really have since childhood. So she's trying to find a med that would meet several needs for ptsd, sleep, and a balance mind. Yet, I'm fighting it. I challenged her on several points and feel irritated that i spoke up. Then, I had to use transportation with a guy that I don't know ( I have issues with men ) from abuse. So my anxiety went sky rocket! Now I just want to HIT, HIT, HIT! Because I don't know how to release the anger I feel. Ugh!!! I'm not at base line and am emotional wanna cry because I hate BPD!! No one understands the swings...of emotions. My Dr. Keeps trying to get me to take bi-polar meds which I'm NOT BI-POLAR!! ( I just wanna scream I'm NOT BI-polar!!!!) I'm crying.... ;( I hate my life at this moment!

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[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Back 'home', have been here for less than 24 hours and I'm already losing it. Started crying as soon as I woke up and have felt awful since.
Supposed to go to tafe on Monday and am seriously considering never going back and just getting back on that train and staying with my dad.
But then I'll regret stopping tafe and I'll feel like I failed for moving back home.
I can't win. But I'm a mess and I have no one here to help.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I'm the last person to post and I'm posting again.
I've just had my Aunty, uncle and sister all come into my room and scream at me until I had a panic attack and make me out to be a villain in a situation that I had nothing to do with.
I've completely lost it. I don't know what to do and I have no where to go