[FlowerChild67]

Let me start of by say I don't know what I can and can not say on this forum, and if I am inappropriate then let me know and remove my post but please don't ban me from forums, that is why I rarely respond to other post. First off I have no professional or personal support. I don't know where to began as I have a very large fear of therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, and any other MI professional, as a child i had a therapist do bad things to me. Also I am deathly afraid of psych ward it took everything in my body and mind to go visit a close friend of my in a psych ward 5 times for 3-4 hours. She has since abandoned me she said she would come to the hospital with me while I had a procedure done but at the last minute cancel and never talked to me again. sorry rambling. My fear goes much deeper then what happened to me as a child I fear the the therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, will twist my words around and try to commit me, paranoia I know. I want to get help I am trying to get into this DBT group but there require an outside referral from a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist before I can start the group. I sort feel comfortable with just the group it more like a class then a open talk session. I don't know if I can overcome these fears. Any advise would be appreciated I will read and think about everything you all have to say to me but don't be surprised/upset if I come back with a counter issue positive/negative. This it about 1/100000000 of my feelings and emotions I could write hundred-thousand more words but I don't want to bore you or push you away.

[shezbut]

I am currently taking a DBT group class, which is a different type of environment than T. We are encouraged to share our experiences, but we are to focus on the skills used and mention how they did or didn't work in managing our emotional mind.

It does take time to understand and incorporate DBT into our daily lives, but IMO, it's definitely worth reaching towards. DBT has worked very well in helping me manage my emotions, before I have an outburst & mistakenly hurt other people in the process. It takes some time, but it's very much worth it, imho.

[FlowerChild67]

shezbut I want to take the DBT Group, but I have been told there is a private session with a therapist ever week that I don't want to do. Thank you for the info on the DBT.

[gloamingone]

I'm curious as to why having a private session would stop you from joining the group. It seems as though a weekly private session would be very helpful.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[FlowerChild67]

gloamingone because I don't trust therapists, psychologist, psychiatrist the group is mostly a class the teaches you skills that is why I would go to them i want to learn the skills.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi SamanthaAnne

I can understand your anxiety. It's a reasonable reaction resulting from your childhood experiences and the fact that you have not healed, entirely, from the incident.

I would find it extremely challenging visiting someone in a psych ward and I'm sorry your friend could not bring herself to return the favour when you had to pop in.

Banned from forums? But why would you think so. You've reached out for support- that's what we're here for. And we all have different opinions. So you will find most people speak from the heart and their own personal experiences, which can be vastly different. That's great. It gives us the opportunity to take away parts that are meaningful to us.

In some ways I admire that you're able to sustain groups. I can't. That's my worst fear. But hey this is your post and I don't want to hijack your thread.

But I do want to say I think you should feel comfortable discussing your feelings with us.

We are here to support you.

[dancinglady]

I understand SamanthaAnn's reservation. I had bad experiences here - being called names etc. she is right to be reserved. Also I have been deeply hurt my therapists so I also know that pain.

[FlowerChild67]

Hooligan I am going to be posting more, as I have been feeling a little more comfortable. Soon I will be post about how I have been feeling these last few week and maybe I can get some insight on why I am this way. Thank you for your concern and your comments they all help in some way.

[FlowerChild67]

Dancinglady I am sorry about how you have been treated I have read some of those post where you felt uncomfortable. I hope thing get better on Psych Central for you.

[HD7970GHZ]

Samantha!

I am so happy that you are attempting to get into DBT. Even more-so; considering your experiences in therapy. Everyone here understands and would NEVER consider banning you because you shared your personal feelings, thoughts or emotions.

((On a side note: If a Moderator banned you for expressing yourself - then they might as well ban us all! In which case - they would no longer have a community, thus, there wouldn't be a forum! I assure you - the Moderators love us.))

You are safe here. We both need and want you here.

And as for therapy - I can assure you from the bottom of my heart - that you will find an unmatched level of safety. Despite how very painful it is to even consider at this point in your life - it is in your best interest to seek help through therapy. Specifically DBT - which you are doing admirably! At this point - it is vital for you to understand just how far you've come in recognizing your own needs for support - and the amount of strength that you have shown by pushing yourself forward. The fact that you are willing to put yourself in a place that is triggering for you - knowing how vulnerable it makes you feel - and maintaining eyes on the prize - it is both captivating and inspiring - and we love hearing about it!

We want to hear more - not less.

Your fear is valid. Any human being, let alone therapist - will understand it. They will help you to overcome this one step at a time. It is important to try and realize this - no matter how impossible it may seem.

I'm going to challenge you a bit... Perhaps you may hate me - but this is just my opinion, as your friend.

Sometimes the very best thing we can do is to face our fears. (Which you ARE doing) Problem is that we, as individuals - often become, 'paralyzed,' when an opportunity of growth presents itself... In your case - the fear of having to face a therapist is what stands in the way of your being heard, listened to, validated, understood - and potentially: what stands in the way of your being happy... It can be hard to rationalize things this way. Looking back - I wish I had a friend who was there to tell me when to face my fears. Someone who could literally see what was best for me - despite my intense fears and anxieties. Unfortunately I never found that friend and I avoided many opportunities for growth... But this is your life. Consider me (along with everyone else on this forum) a friend of yours. In saying this - I have your best interest in mind - and I feel the need to be the friend that I never had - and gently push you towards something that you fear - but that ultimately, can change your life.

You deserve to be listened to - and you deserve to be helped. And there are people out there who WANT to help you.

Nothing you share - could scare us away. So share on!!!

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

[FlowerChild67]

HD7970ghz I went to the DBT place and talked with a few people but my worthless insurance makes me get a referral from an outside therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist,which mean I have to see someone and give my life story then do it again for the DBT, which I really really really don't want to do. This way means I have to talk to two therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist,and that is nearly impossible for me.

[FlowerChild67]

I have my first intake appointment in 35 years tomorrow morning I am scared to living hell, as I don't know what to expect.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by SamanthaAnne

Hooligan I am going to be posting more, as I have been feeling a little more comfortable. Soon I will be post about how I have been feeling these last few week and maybe I can get some insight on why I am this way. Thank you for your concern and your comments they all help in some way.

Here for you!

[Fuzzybear]

[allme]

Hey

It makes sense why you feel the way you do

I hope you find a way round and it so you can receive proper treatment

[Mindful55]

Hi Sam
How did it go at the appointment on Thursday?
Thinking of you <3

[FlowerChild67]

Thursday was a total waste of time. I want a referral to a place called Portland DBT center they are the only licence place in Portland to do true DBT that takes my insurance. Portland DBT does weekly groups and private session and phone support this is the reason I want to go here. the place I went has "something like DBT" and CBT weekly and monthly private sessions and no phone support. Sound like they will not refer me or it going to take months to get the referral. I don't want to wait months I want it now or I will just give up and go back to my self care, as I cannot handle any more crap from these crappy therapist.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I wonder if you could tell yourself that the "therapist" you had as a child was not really a therapist? Didn't behave like one so... Might that help you be less afraid of the good ones out there that really do care about their job and thier clients?

[FlowerChild67]

Achy Turtle Armor what I am about to say is not meant to be a copout. I have Aspergers Syndrome and BPD they both have black or white thinking so I am double wammied I don't see, think in grey space I have know this since 3rd grade. I can't forget what happened to me as a child was not a "the-rapist", pun intended. I am currently looking for a therapist as you can see from a post a day or two ago but it went bad. I will try two more thing to get into the DBT program I want, my PCP might be able to do the referral/pre-authorization and I will try one more place for a therapist who can do the referral/pre-authorization if it don't work out then I will give up trying and go back to my own self-help ways.

[sidney1771]

SamanthaAnne - maybe you and I could trade places. I really don't like being put in group settings, especially group therapy as I tend to be the person that finds a way to constructively undermine everyone's psyche and enjoy doing it. Individual therapy is pretty much the only option that works for me as my therapist can match wits with me and doesn't let me get away with crap. I can take your place and you can do group things for me. We'll compare notes and find a way to get better.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by SamanthaAnne

Achy Turtle Armor what I am about to say is not meant to be a copout. I have Aspergers Syndrome and BPD they both have black or white thinking so I am double wammied I don't see, think in grey space I have know this since 3rd grade. I can't forget what happened to me as a child was not a "the-rapist", pun intended. I am currently looking for a therapist as you can see from a post a day or two ago but it went bad. I will try two more thing to get into the DBT program I want, my PCP might be able to do the referral/pre-authorization and I will try one more place for a therapist who can do the referral/pre-authorization if it don't work out then I will give up trying and go back to my own self-help ways.

I know the black/white grey issue very well and understand what you are saying.