[dancinglady]

I have seen over time that my opinion is not wanted here and that is fine. There are two reasons why I post here.

One to vent, complain and get things off my chest.

Second is to let anyone interested see that if they do not practice DBT skills and work hard in therapy and skills class during their younger years when DBT is the most effective you could be end up being "dancinglady".

I was not given the wonderful opportunities you have at this time. DBT came to late to make any significant change in my life as far as work, relationships, earning money, getting promoted, etc. I will be 65 years old in 8 days. I wish I had had DBT in my early years so that I would not have made the mistakes that are irreversible. Some things you can not get back, just remember that.

In my early years, BPD was a death sentence. We were told we were untreatable, locked in psychiatric wards for months even years, subjected to untested procedures. We were told that we were not supposed to live in the real world, we were not allowed into the 'mental health psychosocial rehab" because we would damage other mental health clients. Yes damage. We were damaged and beyond repair. You were lucky if you got a clinician to even see you in therapy. We got to pick from the bad therapists because they were the only ones that would treat us. They needed someone to fill the open spots so we became IT. The public mental health system gave us bandaids told us not to call. We were banned from crisis lines and told we were "acting out two year olds" and to just grow up and for all purposes get away from them.
Just remember I was "you". My time is up. Good luck.

[cryingontheinside]

Are you OK ? Has something happened ?

Hugs

Sophie 😊

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[cryingontheinside]

Its very very hard having BPD . we all know that. I'm struggling so much right now too . please don't feel alone or you're opinion unwanted. Has something happened to make you feel that way ?

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[dancinglady]

[QUOTE=cryingontheinside;4725320]Are you OK ? Has something happened ?

Hugs

Sophie ��

No nothing but some remarks from some of the members about what I say when I give my opinion. It is no big deal I just want members to know what they need to do and focus on in their earlier years so they do not end up like me - an old, lonely poor woman. That is all. The lost promotion and now the big birthday with no friends. Most people my age have family and friends throwing huge parties when they reach this age. I will be eating cake by myself looking at the lousy poor life I have left since I will need due to physical limitations leave work.

[cryingontheinside]

I can relate to how you feel. I have no friends I'm very lonely and barely leave my home. I feel like the lonliest person alive sometimes. I know how unbearable it is.
I respect your opinions and it seems from what you wrote that you have been through a lot in your life and therefore can offer a new perspective on things based on your own experiences . please continue to write here and to be yourself.

Hugs

Sophie

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[ScarletPimpernel]

It is never too late to improve yourself and your life. And some people don't have access to DBT. And some people have to take progress a little slower.

I'll be honest that I don't visit this forum frequently, though I've been browsing it more lately. But I just don't feel like I fit in. I can relate, but at the same time I feel I'm in a different stage then most here. I'm not "cured" by any means. But I'm also not blaming my diagnosis for my symptoms. I am me. I am nkt BPD.

[Luctor]

dancinglady, people may hold different opinions to you, that doesn't necessarily mean yours isn't wanted. We're all entitled to our own opinions, and that includes you.

I agree with ScarletPimpernel. It's never too late to focus on improving your life. I hope you haven't already given up hope of things improving. They really can, you just have to put in the effort.

[dancinglady]

Originally Posted by Luctor

dancinglady, people may hold different opinions to you, that doesn't necessarily mean yours isn't wanted. We're all entitled to our own opinions, and that includes you.

I agree with ScarletPimpernel. It's never too late to focus on improving your life. I hope you haven't already given up hope of things improving. They really can, you just have to put in the effort.

It is called "age discrimination". It is called "failing health". I am not trying to focus on stupid improvements like today.

I was not totally implying that everyone here did not want my opinions. I am just sharing my opinions so all of you don't end up like me. My question and please do not see this as anyway me being negative. It is more of a curiosity question of how you portray yourself in pictures here. How does your name and look prepare you for the normal, real world. Do you go to job interviews with any of that look, just curious. Are you furthering your education and skill levels so you can get better jobs. Are you working at advancing in your current job? Are you joining career clubs and organizations?

[ScarletPimpernel]

BPD never exists on it's own. It's often accompanied with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and sometimes BP, ED, and addictions. So just because you learn to cope with the BPD, doesn't mean you're in a place to get a job or go back to school.

For me, my dream job would be an architect. But that's not going to happen any time soon. For one, my anxiety and fears are still severe. And two, I'm working towards a bigger dream: to be a mom. My fiance and I are somewhat traditional. We believe that the man goes out and works to support his family while the woman stays home and takes care of the house and children (furry babies too!).

That doesn't mean I'm not progressing. I lost my T 7 months ago. She abandoned me. It sent me into crisis. I have been working hard to cope with my loss. My meds had to be readjusted, I releapsed with cutting, I had to find a new T and try to let her in. I had to fight the depression, the thoughts, the lack of energy. I have come a long way. I even found myself a DBT process group. I'm no longer crying over ex-T. I have even filed a grievance against her with the board of psychology.

Maybe you don't consider this progress, but for me it is. Having a job or getting your education isn't what life is all about. Living to your fullest, coping with life...that's what life is about. I think most of us are doing the best we can. I don't think anyone is sitting there enjoying their mental health issues.

But maybe you're in a different place then the people here on PC. I have stayed away from this forum for sometime because I didn't feel like I fit in. Sure I have the same issues as everyone else. I just found that the majority were wallowing in their misery. But that's okay. That's where they're at. I can't judge them. I was there at one point. You can't snap your fingers and poof you're ready for the world. And while DBT helps many, it doesn't help all. Like for me, I need a T to help encourage me and push me along the way. I need my T to be there, listen, and guide me.

I think I'm rambling. Don't get wrapped up in guiding others. It's not your job. Instead, just talk about your path. Let people relate or ask questions. But in the end, we each make our own decisions. You can't force people to get better. And they will within their own time.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I just wanted to add: when I was dealing with the abandonment of my ex-T, I turned to the psychotherapy forum for help. They were an important part of support that has helped immensely during that time. Some of the things that helped me were people challenging my thoughts or reminding me of DBT skills, as well as, support and encouragement. I think that's where you'll make the biggest difference. When you read someone else's post, remind them of DBT skills. Or offer up your experience. Making your own thread about how people aren't living life to your standard kind of makes me feel like you think you're better than me. People di the best they can, and providing support is what helps the most. Not demanding that we all get a job or go back to school.

[dancinglady]

As usual I keep getting misunderstood and misinterpreted. People seem to perceive what I write in the wrong direction. Even when I make thugs crystal clear.

[WibblyWobbly]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

It is called "age discrimination". It is called "failing health". I am not trying to focus on stupid improvements like today.

I was not totally implying that everyone here did not want my opinions. I am just sharing my opinions so all of you don't end up like me. My question and please do not see this as anyway me being negative. It is more of a curiosity question of how you portray yourself in pictures here. How does your name and look prepare you for the normal, real world. Do you go to job interviews with any of that look, just curious. Are you furthering your education and skill levels so you can get better jobs. Are you working at advancing in your current job? Are you joining career clubs and organizations?

I go through periods where I work on advancing myself. I got a master's degree and I'm always excited when I start a new job and dive into extra training. Unfortunately between my mental and physical illnesses I burn myself out and I was at my last 3 jobs for under a year. I have a lot of gaps in my resume and haven't worked for a year and a half. Now that I have all these diagnoses I'm going to work on distress tolerance so I can hold down a job.

I'm sooo sorry about your birthday. Mine also gets overlooked all the time. I'm a twin so I think people assume I'm going to spend it with her but she is married and obsessed with him and always wants to do things alone with him (I'm 99% sure she has BPD too. We grew up in the same house with the same abuse). I would bake you a cake and bring you balloons if I could!

[Skeezyks]

Hello dancinglady: I just wanted to tell you that you are one of the reasons I returned to PC. A few months ago I just grew tired of the internet in general. I closed my PC account, my YouTube channel, my Google+ account, my gmail site... everything. Recently, I downloaded Windows 10 & it sort-of revived my interest in being on the internet. So I began thinking about where I might want to go. During this time, I visited PC a few times & read some of the posts. One of the posts I read was one you wrote saying that you were leaving PC. I wanted so badly to reach out to you, but I couldn't because I was no longer a member. It brought home to me the fact that PC was where I belonged. So I thank you for that...

I know what you mean about the treatment options available nowadays that were not available years ago. I'm in my mid 60's. When I was young, & where I lived, there was essentially nothing. Added to this, there was crushing stigma surrounding any hint of mental illness. I have said, in the past, my parents would have better understood my having gone to prison than they would have understood my being involuntarily committed to a psychiatric unit. I'm glad they didn't live to see it.

I'm glad you're still here...

[dancinglady]

I know what you mean. These young kids don't have a clue how luck they are to have so many options and from I have read they are throwing them away right and left.

Thanks for your kind words.

[JadeAmethyst]

I am glad you are courageous enough to be honest about what's going on.
I hope that some relief from this hardship subsides and you will find some ease.

[dancinglady]

Originally Posted by JadeAmethyst

I am glad you are courageous enough to be honest about what's going on.
I hope that some relief from this hardship subsides and you will find some ease.

Was this a negative post or what? Glad I found out that I am a loser and failure. What a mean and cruel thing to say to someone who is suffering as much as I am.

[JadeAmethyst]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

Was this a negative post or what? Glad I found out that I am a loser and failure. What a mean and cruel thing to say to someone who is suffering as much as I am.

I did not intend to offend you. IMHO you are brave. That's all.
hoping you may find some respite.

Thanks for speaking out, there are so many that dont realise how they will end up if they dont do the work to improve themselves

[Suzian]

Hi,

I'm 54 and hoping that there is hope. The stuff that is gone, is gone. But we still have NOW and the future. You may still be able to find some joy. Don't give up.

Suzian

[dancinglady]

I am 65. Hope is gone. Too many environmental factors - discrimination to point out one.

[CopperStar]

Well look, so there are new treatments and approaches available for conditions now that were not available when you were younger. I think that holds true for almost every person who ever exists and makes it to middle age. It's just a natural part of our gradual advancement as a species.

Maybe 40 years from now, there will be medications that work extremely well and don't cause any side effects, and I'll be able to give 20-somethings a cheeky lecture on how when I was their age, Zyprexa made me gain 40 pounds and drop 20 IQ points.

But I'll also still understand when several of them don't want to take the medications, anyway, despite how vastly improved the medications are. Since there is often a lot more to fearing medication and what it means, than just concerns over side effects. They'll be a bit luckier than me but still in the same general boat, anyway. And if I'm able, I'll partake in the new and improved meds, myself.

The reality here is that you are the one who is giving up on yourself, you are the one making excuses not to try to improve yourself and your life anymore, you are the one throwing away what time and opportunity you have left. Coming on here to lecture others about not trying hard enough to improve their lot in life, is just projection.

It sounds like you are experiencing the same painful struggle as many of the people who come and go here. Mourning what could have been so far, what was lost, what cannot be undone, and feeling like improvement is just too hard or too late with too much stacked against you. That feeling of despair is something that tons of people with BPD and other disorders/illnesses go through at all ages and stages of life. You may be 65 but you are still not alone in your feelings and experiences. And you're not actually that old, you're just middle-aged. I've worked in nursing homes where most people were in their 90s and still having sex. I have accidentally seen some things that made me realize even 70 is not old.

And you might feel like well this Copper chick just doesn't get it, doesn't understand, doesn't realize how hard it is, and so on. And if you do have that gut reaction, then please allow it to connect you with every other message on this website expressing the same feeling, such as when people are hesitant or lacking confidence about trying DBT for their own reasons.

[dancinglady]

To clarify I have reached all the available milestones in my life. Some people have less goals than I do. What is elementary for me may not even be a goal for others. People have to understand my perspective nor assume I have given up. I want more than is available at this stage in life. . I can't even explain after your lengthy post. My lifestyle is way too busy to write as much as you.
To clarify I have many life threatening diseases. I will not live til 90.

[dancinglady]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

Well look, so there are new treatments and approaches available for conditions now that were not available when you were younger. I think that holds true for almost every person who ever exists and makes it to middle age. It's just a natural part of our gradual advancement as a species.

Maybe 40 years from now, there will be medications that work extremely well and don't cause any side effects, and I'll be able to give 20-somethings a cheeky lecture on how when I was their age, Zyprexa made me gain 40 pounds and drop 20 IQ points.

But I'll also still understand when several of them don't want to take the medications, anyway, despite how vastly improved the medications are. Since there is often a lot more to fearing medication and what it means, than just concerns over side effects. They'll be a bit luckier than me but still in the same general boat, anyway. And if I'm able, I'll partake in the new and improved meds, myself.

The reality here is that you are the one who is giving up on yourself, you are the one making excuses not to try to improve yourself and your life anymore, you are the one throwing away what time and opportunity you have left. Coming on here to lecture others about not trying hard enough to improve their lot in life, is just projection.

It sounds like you are experiencing the same painful struggle as many of the people who come and go here. Mourning what could have been so far, what was lost, what cannot be undone, and feeling like improvement is just too hard or too late with too much stacked against you. That feeling of despair is something that tons of people with BPD and other disorders/illnesses go through at all ages and stages of life. You may be 65 but you are still not alone in your feelings and experiences. And you're not actually that old, you're just middle-aged. I've worked in nursing homes where most people were in their 90s and still having sex. I have accidentally seen some things that made me realize even 70 is not old.

And you might feel like well this Copper chick just doesn't get it, doesn't understand, doesn't realize how hard it is, and so on. And if you do have that gut reaction, then please allow it to connect you with every other message on this website expressing the same feeling, such as when people are hesitant or lacking confidence about trying DBT for their own reasons.

I read your profile. Are you to ashamed or embarrased to list what you struggle with medically and psychiatrically. Seems like you are on a pretty significant medication with no diagnosis listed in your profile. This is a place to be open and honest and not be embarrassed, just curious.

Originally Posted by dancinglady

I read your profile. Are you to ashamed or embarrased to list what you struggle with medically and psychiatrically. Seems like you are on a pretty significant medication with no diagnosis listed in your profile. This is a place to be open and honest and not be embarrassed, just curious.

I'm new around here and just checking into the borderline thread, but I have to stick up for this person. Some in this thread have been positive and have gotten attacked, and I don't think that's fair. What I think is REALLY unfair is to go after someone by checking their profile and using what is on there. This is supposed to be a safe place for people struggling with MI; I think what that person is comfortable sharing isn't for you to question. And it would be a safer place if people didn't have to worry about being attacked when they took such time to reply to someone who is clearly hurting.

Maybe I am one of the young ones who doesn't get it, but I feel like if we want people to respect our opinions and want us around, we need to be someone people actually want to be around. It's incredibly draining to have to worry about walking on eggshells with someone--believe me, I've lost friends in my past by being just that person and looking back I don't blame them a bit. I wouldn't have hung out with me either. I'm sorry that things aren't going well, that you feel hurt, and that you're struggling with health issues, but how does hurting other people make that better? We all have something going on in our lives or we wouldn't bother with this site. I think it's a good idea to keep that in mind when communicating with others.

[dancinglady]

I think what I am learning after many people here rejecting me is I am much further along in my recovery and need to focus more on the normal people in my life. Funny how I am getting much more positive responses from them. I guess I am getting closer to being well instead of sick. Maybe I need more functional people guiding my way instead of here where most people are still extremely sick or disordered. Good luck with your therapists meds and docs.