I don't even know where to begin...

After thinking for a long time that I had AS, then depression it turned out that I have BPD. I found out about it at the beginning of the year when I ended up at the Psych Dep because of suicidal thoughts and SH. I spent there 5 weeks. After that My T told me she will not be seeing me anymore. Then in June I ended up for 3 weeks at the hospital because of being suicidal again. I was discharged, but ended up in the hospital the next day for the same reason and stayed there for 2 weeks. Then I spent 3 months in intensive group therapy with no effect. I vegetated for some time and ended up at the hospital 2 weeks ago after suicide attempt. They only kept me there for 6 day, took me off antidepressants and discharged me. I am still felling very depressed, I have no interest in life. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up, I wish I could kill myself but I don't want to hurt my family, so suicide is not an option. I am struggling a lot. Every day is a nightmare for me. I was abandoned by my father when I was a kid, I am a rape-attempt victim, I am not sure about my sexuality, i was kicked out of university twice (I am not able to leave home and thus take part in classes), my family keeps a lot of pressure on me (I know they just want me to get better) to go out and find a job etc., i have serious health problems and many more things on my mind. I have a constant feeling of derealization. I don't understand myself and what is going on with me. I was a very successful student with a lots of achievements and now I am struggling with everything. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am fading out. I really need someone to help me somehow... My family is sick of me. My mind is messed up. It is hard for me to explain exactly how I feel right now... I am extremely scared all the time...

Can someone please give me some advice on how to start coping with BPD? Say some kind words to me? Anything? Please, help me... I need some one...

Hello just a name: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. You mentioned your T told you she would not be seeing you anymore. Do you see any mental health professionals at this point... a new T or a psychiatrist?

Given what you have been going though over the course of the past year, & where things stand now, my thinking would be that you really need to be treating, in real life, with mental health professionals. We here on PsychCentral can try to be supportive, & perhaps offer suggestions based on our own experiences. But this is not a substitute for professional in-person treatment.

It has occurred to me, from reading I've done, that there was a time (when I was young... I'm an older person now) when I might well have been diagnosed as having BPD. However at this point, if I did ever have it, it has degraded mostly into anxiety & depression. I was told, by one of the therapists I've seen in the past, that BPD tends to burn itself out a one ages. Oh, & by the way, I have also had my share of gender-identity issues... & I've made previous suicide attempts & been self-harming.

'That said, I'm really not in a position to offer advice with regard to coping with BPD. Hopefully some other members, here on PC, who feel more able to do so will reply to your post with some suggestions. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to triumph over your great struggle.

I am having a hard time with finding someone who would like to help me (I mean medical professional). My psychiatrist told me a month ago that I show to will of getting better and she will not be treating me anymore... I have a scheduled consultation with another T and psychiatrist; we'll see how it goes

Hi just a name! Maybe doing a bit of self help and working at self regulating might change their minds. I've found some great resources on YouTube, (admins, am I allowed to name yt channels? ) like making a what if diary. I customized mine, and maybe doing an online dbt course, I've heard great things about that and will be asking about it myself when I see the psych in February. A crisis kit is another tool that you might find handy if having meltdowns.
And don't forget that while not everyone thinks you can be cured as such, you can develop your coping skills to the point that it's not a battle anymore *hugs*

What is a "crisis kit"?

Hi there and good evening as it is here in London, UK. I've had BPD for well over 30 years. It started rearing it's ugly head when I was around 17/18 and I'm now 57. I still have it but the actual severity of the mood swings aren't so bad, so I can see what people , mean when they say the BPD can get less as you age. However, I'm still left with severe eating disorder, GAD and depression, the latter is still as bad. Plus I went overt 30 years without an official diagnosis, thus the Psych Dr's gave me no meds that might help with the symptoms, I have them now. I was only officially diagnosed 5 years ago!!
I think it would be fair to say that BPD has wasted my life, which I feel is sad.
Take care. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's a box or bag you keep in case of meltdowns, full of things to bring you back into the moment and relieve any overwhelming emotions. I saw it on yt from a girl who learned about them in dbt. Hers had things like nail polish, a candle, a book that always made her feel good, colouring in book and pencils, hand lotion, and music that always helped her feel better.
If I found I wasn't coping so well with my what if diary, and found myself self harming again or anything self sabotaging, I'd make one for myself too

Why did she say you were not getting better? BDP is lifelong issue isn't. I thought the treatment, including lifelong talk therapy. I don't know about meds though. What medication are you taking?

You need lifelong talk therapy and a break from pressure. Find a nice therapist. There are jerk therapist too, just like people. So sorry!