[subtle lights]

I have a question about "acting out", angry oubursts, being reactive, etc. In my case this only happens with people that are very close to me or to whom I feel very attached (basically the same thing). Especially family, partner (when there is any), romantic interest, therapist.
With other people, even with friends I'm very self controlling. I'm suppressing a lot.

But with the above mentioned close ones I can get into angry or hurt child mode, get reactive, they see my mood changes and my intense emotions.
What is your experience related to this?

I think that's good because it means you trust them…

[shezbut]

That is my way as well.

I tend to hold my emotions inside 95% of the time. That 5% is spent on my boyfriend, when I just can't hold it inside anymore. Otherwise, I would hold my fears and hurts (all of those painful emotions) inside 100% of the time. *sigh*

[Pastel Kitten]

I definitely get very reactive when close to a person.

When I'm not close to a person, I'm quite calm and collected. I don't express my anger much (if at all, really), or negativity.

Those who ARE close to me know that I can become the very opposite of calm. I get angry and irritable over nothing. I say very impulsive things that I wouldn't dare say to someone I'm not close to.

I'm doing my best to work on it. It greatly fuels my self-hatred.

The last thing I want to do is get angry/have outbursts around or at those I love, but it seems that being close to a person simultaneously brings out the best and worst of me.

[TishaBuv]

I've been diagnosed with Borderline traits, and I'm not sure if it's correct.

I am very pleasant, calm, and controlled with people I am not very close to. They really don't bother me. I have no expectations for them...see?

The closest ones to me, who are supposed to love me, really press my buttons when they don't act like I expect someone who loves me to act. I am not reacting over nothing, it's over a lot. They are really doing the bad behavior. But my reaction to it is off the charts.

[subtle lights]

I'm visiting my parents right now (after many months) and I've realised/ remembered that I cannot be emotional with them. I autmatically become this poker face, calm/ collected person and cannot let anything get out. It's a torture and no idea why it's like this...and I've really been trying to understand it..
Usually after a few days here at one point an angry/ emotional outbust is expected though...as usual. But only with my mother, with my father I guess I'm programmed to avoid this since adolescence...

[Fuzzybear]

I think it's maybe about how we were programmed when very young

[Lonlin3zz]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I think it's maybe about how we were programmed when very young

The society and our environment programmed us, but yet we're on our own to fix the bugs and programming errors.

OT: It's normal that people who are closer to us, will see our faults more than other people who aren't close. It's a good thing they're being there for us, but at the same time they can't be with us forever.

We have to take charge of our actions baby steps at a time. Maybe write down short journal entry daily, to observe patterns?