Welcome to the Borderline Personality Disorder

Does anyone struggle with not knowing if they can trust their own emotions and thoughts? I'm starting to feel that some people are avoiding me but then I wonder if I am being paranoid and why in the world I even care. And what if I am being paranoid? What if this is a paranoid psychosis? I don't have an active fight or flight instinct. When I'm in danger, I don't tend to realize it. I've been in several situations where I have had had people to literally tell me that I needed to leave or I would get my *** kicked. My therapist thinks that I believe I'm invincible. Maybe for a time I did. Hell I don't know any other reason for some of the stuff I've done this past year. All I know is that I get paranoid that people are out to get me sometimes or that they are distancing themselves from me because they know something about me that I don't. I hate feeling this way! I don't know what to do about it.

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I haven't found anything yet that absolutely works. I can get numb with SSRI's but then I have no emotional responses at all and people think I'm weirder than they do now. I'm not in a position in my career where people thinking I'm weird is advantageous in any way. So I try the "fake it til I feel it" approach sometimes but I'm not good at faking my feelings. I hate the way I think most days and I feel like this is a terminal diagnosis. I had found journaling to be a little therapeutic but then I have days where I get so paranoid people will read what I write that I tear it up or, if I have typed it into my notes on my phone, I delete it.

Hello, I am also extremely sensitive and can become immobilized and devastated by what people say to me. I try to stand at a distance and not take everything to heart, but then it feels as though I am not acknowledging my feelings and I am disassociating a bit. In addition, I do not trust my own feelings as being accurate for the situation I am in. I do not know if I am in a bad relationship or not because every week, even daily I can vacillate from being in love to thinking I should leave. It is crazy! Does anyone else relate to this? Please respond if you do.

Hi, have you looked into reading any books on BPD? There are a number of them out on the market. I would think they could help in understanding more of the condition. I also found learning the DBT skills helped to see how our brains work compared to others ( sensitivity). This has been very positive and helpful to myself and others. Lastly, check on YouTube for others who struggle with similar problems. It did help me. There's a guy by the title "Me and my black table" that's funny and helpful.

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I've been reading what borderline personality disorder is but I don't really know what it is. Glad for this new forum.

Hello everyone, I'm new here and I come from France. I have problems related to BPD since many years.
That's great to see so many people trying to understand each others and sharing what they live everyday.
Nice to meet you all!

Hi, I'm new and I have my own issues but I'm actually on this particular forum to help understand a friend who was just diagnosed with Emotional Intensity Disorder.

Hi Counting Goats welcome

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hello i'm from the netherlands and i have a roommate who i think has BPD. Things in the house became so extreme that i am seeking advise.

Hello everyone I am new to this site and group, I am hoping some one could show me around, I am not sure what to do, I am glad I found people that have this same disorder so I don't have to feel all alone, I am to lonely as it is and would love to chat with others

I can totally relate to you . Love/hate idealize/devalue its all a part of this personality disorder we are cursed with... But with therapy and meds, life is easier.... I just feel alone because I'm always changing emotions for people.. I need to stop the devaluing... That's keeping me alone.. Take care

Hi,
You'll begin to understand BPD as you connect with people. It's a very complexed personality disorder to have but with meds and therapy life gets better. We are strong.. We are survivors of hell
Xx

I hope you're not hurting yourself by living with an abusive roommate.. People with BPD can be impossible if they haven't sought out therapy and meds. Move out if he or she is ruining your life... Life's too precious ... Too short

Hello everyone. Let me admit that I have spent some days browsing your forum; and hence, I am here. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was seventeen, after having been listed as having depression and ADD (I know now it is ADHD; for me, it was ADD) since I was twelve. Of course, this miracle diagnosis that would explain my unending rage, my mood swings, and my other frightening conditions was not first noted. In fact, one doctor declared I had schizophrenia, which had me convinced I would spent my life in a hospital.
Fast forward the years; on and off medication, on and off therapists, and the same old, same old. I began to question my doctors; could I have ultra-ultra rapid cycling BP, because sometimes the mood comes and goes so quickly, I hardly have time to notice it. One doctor after another, after another. In the course of my travels, I had a doctor who mentioned I have borderline personality disorder. I fell into my patented rage, insisted I was not crazy, nor did I have multiple personalities, etc. I left. And now, I have received the diagnosis a second time, and actually researched it.
It seems to confirm so much, but of course, the entire premise of this issue is at odds with my external, strong persona. I need no one and nothing, because I am a tough girl. After some soul searching, therapy, and research, I am wondering if I am as tough as I always believed myself to be. This revelation, and some memories that I never believed I had, have made me reach a point that I simply need a bit of support, guidance, and of course, more education.

Stressed out newbie here! Hi all. Hope this finds each of you relatively well. I'm officially done with bipolar, generalized anxiety, OCD, PTSD. However, the last counselor I went to said she believed I didn't have bipolar but borderline personality instead. I never went back. Since then I've researched the disorder and I swear I see my photo plastered next to every article. Lol. Over the years my symptoms have gotten worse. I'm extremely needy and dependent. I have overwhelming fear of abandonment. I go from hot to cold in seconds (mentally speaking) and just in the last two years I've gone from completely self harming behavior and moved to both self harm and aggression towards others. I become extremely irrational, yell, scream, throw things, and just recently pushed my wife during an argument. I'm totally self loathing. I hate who I've become. I don't understand why anyone stays around or even likes me much less loves me. Everyone just says I'm attention seeking or looking for an over abundance in reassurance because I have an extremely low self-esteem. My marriage is strained and so is my job. I am extremely lonely and I just need some friends and some help. Thanks.

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I hope that reading and posting here will help. I'm sorry to hear this, but I admit, some of that is "me too" land, lol.

I truly believe that this will pass, naturally. You may see more issues crop up, but this current spate of bpd will end. You are probably going past the peak of it now. You find yourself among friends here. There couldn't be a nicer web site in the universe. So, unpack your bags and stay awhile.

Thanks so much. And I truly hope so because I feel like I'm lost at sea.

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I'm sorry to hear about your stresses. I too was once dx with BPD I no longer consider myself that. After many years with regular therapist I finally found a "trauma therapist" to help me. My root came from sexually abuse and a bit of neglect from my family. So I'm a much better person these days. I too was aggressive and self hating but I'm not anymore. The specialized therapy I used was called:
EMDR google it. Also look for a therapist who uses the techniques. This therapy may help you as it did me.

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I will look into that. Thanks so much. Options are limited around here but maybe I'll get lucky.

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Hi. My name is Teresa and I was diagnosed with chronic depression, OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I've read that the symptoms lessen with age but I have no idea when I will ever change. For me it is just a never ending cycle in which family and friends get caught up in. I am a burden in the way that I react to situations and cause stress around me.

Hi Teresa, i was also diagnosed with BPD (not sure if I still am), and I'm older and a lot of it is gone now.

I feel that same way, a burden to my loved ones. What made it better was that I drove them all away and now that there are no people in my life other than my friend, there's almost zero drama because everyone has already left me. It might not be that dire, i still have a relative, if I self-censor my life and speech.

Sorry to be so negative about BPD. :/

But I welcome you. A lot of people can relate to your feelings, and to my level of relationship destruction.

Hello Teresa, welcome to the group. I think you'll see a variety of aspects of people with BPD. Most share their struggles with this (dx> diagnosis), or lack of knowing "if" they have this dx.
Personally my biggest struggle is the "overwhelming emotions" and how to manage, when stressed. For most with this, it's too difficult to handle or understand. Another is the suicidal ideations which are scary and alarming at times. I struggled with that as well, but I'm much much better these days. I've learned to control my emotions and thoughts.
Lastly, I try to encourage others in knowing this dx can be managed and over come. One has to learn to change some aspects of their behavior to see success and peace in their lives & relationships. It's not easy but can be done.

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Thank you. Hello everyone I decided that from time to time it may be helpful for me to come and post here. I have not been formally diagnosed with BPD, but Bipolar. I definitely know I am Bipolar, but I've noticed some BPD traits in me for a long time now.

Signs in me:
-The black and white thinking: When my expectations aren't met, I tend to jump to worst case scenarios. I feel like there's something wrong with me, get depressed easily, and like there's a void I need to fill. Relationships often trigger it, but I also have depressive episodes unrelated to this.
-I tend to have unhealthy relationships. I put people on a pedestal when they are nice to me, but when I'm let down, it's devastating. I question my own self-worth a lot when it comes to relationships and have a hard time seeing the middle ground or as far as seeing others based on what I want them to be, rather than who they fully are.
-I act impulsively and in a self-destructive way to fill a void
-I do anything to escape abandonment

There's other signs, and not all of them would be to the extreme, but maybe this board can really help me gain some insight, although I don't think I meet full criteria for BPD. I look forward to chatting with you all.

HI
Just come back to this site after 5 years.... really struggling right now, and remembered that this helped get me through last time......

I am new to this and not sure how it works. I'm here for my boyfriend who I live with and I believe he suffers from border line personality disorder. I'm here to get help and advise, I feel lost and don't know what else to do.