[jefftele]

i have chronic back and neck problems the back can go out anytime but settles generally,leaving a nagging pain,my neck causes little pain but gives me vertigo i've told i have arthritis i do not as work ,trouble is i feel so guilty that i'm not working ,i seem to forget how bad my back can get, this issue causes me so much turmoil,and has badly effected my mental health anyone have the same dilemma and how do i stop feeling guilty?

[(JD)]

Therapy. No joke. A good therapist can help you work through this, and amazingly by doing so it will alleviate some of that pain. (We are a well connected body/mind/spirit creature.)

I am disabled, one reason is the back and neck... and chronic pain. As I isolated myself and did less and less, the pain of course diminished some... some of that is because by not aggravating the vertebraes and bone spurs there was less pain, and some was because of less stress of trying to live in a world I didn't seem to fit into anymore... and once I began to come back into life, the pain increased and I remembered one of the reasons I isolated in the first place. I have worked through much of that, though I am still in chronic pain, I have learned to manage it. Still, there are periods of time where the frustration is hard to manage. (((gentle hug)))

[jefftele]

thanks sky for the reply i resonate so many of the things you said,i used to isolate myself which went on for around 9 years,i do it less now but i still have a tendency to do it ,at times i thought i had a calling to be a hermit! i too find modern life so alien i feel that i was born at the wrong time i long for a simpler life ,free from the noise and pollution,my t told me this is not unusual and has heard it off many folk.when my pain lessens i think of going back into the world ,and start to consider working,what happens then is i start to dissociate ,my pains worsen,i dislike being ill but my efforts to live in the world seem fruitless, frustration takes over and usually leads to a deepening on my depression -i wish i had an answer ,as i've been torturing myself for the past 20 years it grinds me down so much at times it gives way to suicidal thoughts thankfully i'm still here but it is a real struggle((( gentle hugs to you)))

[(JD)]

Suicidality can be a real struggle for those with severe chronic pain. Part of being able to withstand any pain is knowing it won't last forever... not so with chronic conditions. T says that until someone can put away that option from their mind, they can't fully begin to heal and cope with their pain etc. I'm somewhere in the middle, believing that if I no longer have that "option" I will become more fearful of the pain, and trying to give up the idea totally so I can experience what the T projects.... a big part of chronic pain is the fear of it increasing. Don't know why the pain management doctors don't understand this. ((hugs back))

[jefftele]

hi again sky we pain sufferers do share common ground ,even though i have had back problems for 30 years i somehow think i am going to be fully well again what this does is that when my pain is manageable i push myself usually too far then ouch,it seems inevitable that i will end up more disabled as i am getting new pains day by day ,yet still i think i'm going to be well again!about 4 years ago i went through a bad patch for about 18 months could barely walk meds apart from morphine wouldn't touch it yet somehow it eased on its own no one knew why .i live in constant fear of becoming that disabled again but i think that is not in my constant awareness,because none can see my pain i somehow i feel i am cheating on life.the medical establishment in the uk i feel take a black and white view on people with intermittment health problems like mine if you are seen on a good day then you are a malingerer ,on a bad day ,sorry there is nothing we can do ,talk about blaming the patient!!! i'm sure my depression/anxiety do stem from this issue,how can i be kind to myself and stop beating myself up for the system and myself not being perfect? i've not got an answer to it so far still living in hope,hugs jeff

[bebop]

it stinks to have constant back pain. I don't know how I would act if I had a pain free day.

[(JD)]

Moderation and good self care is highly important. Even when having a better than usual day, it takes practice and good therapy to be able to not only tell yourself, but others who expect more from you... NO, I still have my limits. That way you do get to enjoy that day more, and not "pay" for it afterward.

I do still have some things for which I will push, knowing I will pay for it later, but determine it's worth it. I don't push nearly as hard though, and have become skilled at what level of "push" I can do to still be able to manage the pain after... and to keep it from lasting for 2 weeks or more!

It's also important for me to continue to take some pain med on those "better" days. I used to cut way back or forget to take any, just to not feel disabled (who needed meds to live etc)... and the back lash wasn't worth it... I was still in pain...pain that needed tending to, not ignoring.

I reckon the above to this: I went through hurricane Andrew. The winds were category five with sustained winds as high as 200+ miles an hour. Once the storm had "passed" and the winds died down, ppl went out to check on neighbors etc... and when we got back inside, the radio was saying Don't go out yet, the winds are still a hurricane force 1!!! But the difference was so great, we didn't realize it.

That's how the good day can feel, such a difference, but you still have to do what you know is good for you

[recluse1]

I can understand what you are saying because I also feel that same guilt. and sometimes tend to push myself further than i should. i just want to feel like a part of the world again. the name recluse1 says it all. sometimes i fel like a prisoner in my own home. even riding in a car is painful.

[jefftele]

thanks for replies in my case anxiety is also a big part to play the pain /anxiety /depression all seem to be gathered in one ball and i've found it difficult so far to separate one from the other i live in hope that one day i learn to live with my limitations i think this is more realistic than regaining full health

[(JD)]

jeff that is a very healthy way to view your goals. Everyone has limitations, some are more obvious than others... and most all of us change with time... losing capabilities in one thing and learning new skills in another area. I just want to learn to be content.