[MsGardenias]

Having my life completely turned upside down my a back injury 7 years ago, having extremely successful surgery,recovering 10x better than ever expected only to be rear-ended by someone not paying attention after GLOWING post op exam.... I am stuck living the rest of my life in chronic pain.
I run my old family farm by myself-renovate, repair, cope with pool care, an acre of land and it literally takes me the entire week to do, but it's the only sense of accomplishment I have to survive on and feel "able" not "dis"-abled.....
My kids live close, yet I never see them, my friendships have suffered because I am too often simply in too much pain and can not "DO" what I used to!!! The one issue I seem to struggle with is that because people can not SEE my injuries- they blow it off and say..."oh, come do this, or that.... you'll feel better being around people..." and in all honesty I feel as if my pain and inability to function is not fun to be around so I choose not to go- further isolating myself... when I say I REALLY, REALLY need to go lie down, it is me with protest...."Oh stay a little longer.." when I say I need to go lie down, I REALLY mean it... I have always had an extremely high threshold for pain- but this just knocks me off my feet quite often and I have no choice but to go take my meds and lie down....
It has affected every relationship and this injury occurred JUST as I was emerging from a brutal, emotionally destructive marriage, while caring for a mother with Alzheimer's and raising two kids by myself, balancing out a relationship with my biological family, had gotten sober 7 years before, lost 90lbs and had never felt better in my life... then everything was yanked out from underneath me...
The chronic, daily pain is so incredibly draining, to be in pain every single day- knowing it will never be better than this and the absence of my kids and family makes it more of an emotional roller coaster... they don't want to be around the person who use to be so much fun, willing to try everything, host pool parties, blast music in the back field, my whole life and personality changed- and I am finding that people who do not suffer the way WE do with chronic pain simply "do NOT get it" - because they can not see me bleed, there is nothing "visible" for them to ascertain that I really AM in pain and I have learned very well to paste a plastic smile on my face so I don't let on just how much pain I am in and bring other's down.....
This is literally sucking the life out of me.... I do not like who I have become and would give anything to HALF the person I once was.....

[CANDC]

MsGardenias, I am so sorry you are struggling with chronic pain. No one should have to endure that. What pain management options has your doctor given you? There are alternatives to pain pills.

People here at PC may also have a therapist to talk things out. Sleep is very important to maintaining stability.

Besides being an active participant in helping oneself at Psych Cental, many people also help support each other by replying to other people's posts. Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems are more manageable the more they help others.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[BlueEyedMama]

I am so sorry that you are in so much pain and that it has been affecting relationships that you really value. I too suffer from chronic pain and can relate to some people not understanding. I try to do as much as possible and be around those I love and if they have issue with how slow I roll or that I use a cane on good days and a walker on bad ones then I try to educate them. It has worked with some and not with others which makes me sad because I really value their role in my life (sister, niece, etc..).

Do you have someone to talk to about how you are feeling? I went to a counselor when my chronic pain got severe enough to make me feel like I just wasn't me anymore and the depression that came with that and it did really help. I still see a counselor but for other reasons now and am a believer in having someone unbiased to talk to.

If you ever need to vent or talk I am here to support you.

[anniemack]

It breaks my heart to read your entry but I feel like I typed it myself.

I am 30 and am... Dammit I don't want to say it... But I am disabled. As a former athlete, go getter, previous mountain mover () I am lost. But worse, my friends and family do not understand. When I can't show at a function because I am hurting... They don't understand that it means that I spent 3 hours showering, getting ready, sweating thru 3 outfits tying to fix my hair... Only to get to my car to go and find that I am not strong enough to push in my clutch... And cancel. They think I'm lazy and just being depressed.

The depression part is so true. I've always had a challenging agenda growing up so I'm mentally tough... But I'm losing site of the light at the end of my tunnel. Living in pain alllll the time doesn't allow your mind to ever rest. It is killing me.

So, I was wondering.... How do you handle the mental side? I've found that Elkhart tolles books have really helped me and mediation, while challenging can be effective for me. But in tired of my ideas... Got any tips or secrets to share with a fellow sufferer?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MsGardenias]

I have had the most wonderful therapist for nearly 15 years.... it DOES assuage my emotional pain- physical pain... I can only manage by trying to balance by feeling emotionally OK.... I know I always have my therapist in my life... but that hardest part is that there are SO many things I WANT to do but physically miss out on.... that's the most frustrating part.... I am returning to University- my freelance writing and public speaking has been instrumental to not only others, but to me as well.... it is a path I feel I must follow... I feel better when I help others feel better.....

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by MsGardenias

I have had the most wonderful therapist for nearly 15 years.... it DOES assuage my emotional pain- physical pain... I can only manage by trying to balance by feeling emotionally OK.... I know I always have my therapist in my life... but that hardest part is that there are SO many things I WANT to do but physically miss out on.... that's the most frustrating part.... I am returning to University- my freelance writing and public speaking has been instrumental to not only others, but to me as well.... it is a path I feel I must follow... I feel better when I help others feel better.....

I too could have written the same thing. Chronic pain has destroyed my PREVIOUS LIFE. it takes quite some time to come and accept what you have lost or can't do anymore. It gets to the point where I don't care anymore who believes me or not. My main concern now is to figure out what I CAN do and continue my life. During "sections" of my life I thought certain things were going to last forever. Well this "section " of my life will also not last forever.

Best to you

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by MsGardenias

.... I do not like who I have become and would give anything to HALF the person I once was.....

This is one of the biggest problems I face today. I can't stand the person I've become. I don't like myself anymore.
I'm useless and just a waste and drain on society. Yes it is through no fault of my own but I still can't help feeling this way. I know there's still a lot I can do if only I can get the friggin' past out of my head. You see I want to be the person I was not the person I can be. The " normal " think it's so easy. "Just go do this or that ". They just don't get it. Every day I wake up I just hope and pray I can find out why I'm still here because not only have I've been abandoned by others I've abandoned myself.

[Thor0298]

I'm 36 and had back surgery about four years ago. After about a year everything started coming back and I had some severe anxiety panic attacks and depression. It has taken a toll on my relationships also. Makes you feel completely disjoint from everything around you.

[bbc666]

had shingles in face so have neuralgia--numb and pain-it doesnt show, yet it can be hell-makes me sleep a lot