[January]

Thank you all for your good wishes and the warm vibes. They are needed and very appreciated.

I was in the ER a week ago today. They found a mass in my throat. I am being sent a few hours away to a teaching/research hospital. It is the top hospital in the state. The Drs wanted it to happen faster, but I am still waiting to be told when to go there.

I needed a few days to process it. When I had a crisis like this in my twenties, I was so much more staunch. Now I'm losing my hair, have no appetite and my panic attacks are back. I've got to get my toughness back! I have made arrangements for someone to care for Belle while I'm gone, so that is good. I would take her with me if I could and then I wouldn't worry half as much.

Gus, I love those wonderful pics and I especially love the one in the forest!

Kiya, I'm so sorry about your checking account. I think all of us have done that at least once.

Liz, I'm so glad you've got your a.c. going and that you caught up on sleep.

Cake, I hope you can get some shade over the pool. It would be terrible to have one and not be able to use it.

I hope I haven't missed anyone. Love to you all.

[cakeladie]

Jan I am so sorry but you will need to get tough. You need to find something to listen to or read you need to find your FIGHT SONG I have one and when I feel like giving up I play it. I might play it 10 times. I also have favorite books and stuff to go to.

But regardless YOU alway have us. Anytime day or night post something even if it has nothing to do with fibro.

When my dad way dying I had my husband to lean on but he had never lost a parent and his mom gets the award for the worst mom in the world what she put her kids through.... its unforgivable. Anyway I had not found this site but I had my lupus forum and have many friends there. No matter what time day or not I could call text or post something to anyone if them. Many had lost their parents and told me what to expect.

We have your back. You are going to a good place just keep us posted.

Prayers and positive vibes coming from me to you

on top of having a bad time as it is, I had a really bad pannic attack last week, and in the process banged my knee.

not good at all

I guess I should be greatful it's my right knee.. my left one has had it's fair share of falls recently

still hurts though no matter how you look at it

[Gus1234U]

[Kiya]

love you Jan!!! Had a strong urge to send you a letter last week. Know that you're right here- in my heart- in all our hearts- right here. So close, just a breath away! We'll all be with you as you go to this hospital and see what needs to be done. We all love you and support you!!!
Please write- like Cake said, anything any time.

Kiya

[Kiya]

((((Cake)))) how are your blisters??

[Kiya]

Hoping everyone has a/c now that needs it!! Nothing like chronic illness and not getting basic needs met.
I am also struggling in the hot days, tho today was nice. Once it hits 90, even with the a/c unit and 3 fans I can only get this box 10 degrees cooler in the bedroom and 5 in the living room. By night, it's 81 regardless of the temp outside (which is usually cooler).
I've been starting to get sick and I think a tad delirious. Thankful we had a reprieve, short as it was.
Thinking of you all and wishing you each the best

[cakeladie]

Blisters are getting better but I have been coughing up blood again and there is nothing the doctors can do about it. If it gets bad I will go to the dreaded ER.

It's been hot here with the inside of the house reaching 88 degrees with no AC just ceiling fans. But I sat in the pool and that cools you off but I have a several seizures since Friday.

The cats got me up early it's 3:29 am right now so I took my morning meds. Coughed up some blood hopefully I will be able to go back to sleep.

It's funny McGee (our cat) is in many ways like a little kid. Since it's summer time he wants in to eat drink use the litter box and right back out he wants to go to play. I don't want to know who or what he is playing with. Th either day he came in smelling like a skunk

I hope everyone is hanging in there.

Kiya I can't be,I've even with the AC unit you can't get it cooler. We have a dark sheet over our bedroom window and that help keeps it cool for most of the day until the afternoon hours.

Take care everyone

[Kiya]

(((((Cake )))))) :'(

[cakeladie]

I hope Jan can post an update for us. I am going to be worried until I hear from her

[Gus1234U]

[January]

Here I am!!!!

I'm trying to snap out of my funk today. I am going to add some extra Trazadone today. I'm allowed to take it and maybe it will help with the depression and panic attacks. I hope so.

I haven't heard anything from the hospital. I know the name of the Dr. now and I'm going to google him so I know where his office is. It might be in the hospital, I have no idea.

I was told that I will not have surgery the day I go up there, which makes a world of sense. I hope they do it the next day and get it over with and done.

I'm still fighting with my Medicare supplement being covered for the year. They covered it for this month, but not for the year. I don't understand and I'm going to try to call them this afternoon. I've been told that's nearly impossible, but I can try.

Cake, you are right, I need a fight song or something. I have my faith and I'm very ashamed that the panic got in the way. Very ashamed.

Belle has been very good during this time although she is jealous of my time on the computer.

Shattered, I hope your knee is better. Have you had the Dr. check it?

Kiya, I'm worried that you're getting delirious. I have found that if I keep the windows covered at all times with heavy fabric and keep the ac going all the time, that it keeps it cool in here. Are you able to run yours all the time? Can you shut the doors the the rooms you don't need and concentrate the ac in just one?

Cake, I'm really worried about you. Please go to the ER if you need to go. Would you cough up blood if you had an ac so you could breathe better?

Where is Liz? I know her vacation is over. Has anyone heard from her or Christine?

Gus, you know exactly what pictures I love! That cottage is so perfect! I love those kind of cottages. I can close my eyes and picture being there. Thank you so much for that gift.

[cakeladie]

Liz posted in the pet sections but I haven't heard from Christina.

Your fight song can be anything. Mine is Broken Bridges and believe me there are days that I play it over and over and over again

Keep us posted.

Hugs to all

[lizardlady]

I'm here. Went back to work today. I had almost 200 unread e-mails when I logged into my account!

My poor feet were screaming by mid-day. I wear two inch heels to work. Have been barefoot or wearing work boots or tennies while home. I slipped my shoes off during the afternoon. Good thing the kids are gone for the summer. I was wandering up and down the hall in sock feet!

[cakeladie]

Liz there are these really thin slippers that work great for days like those. When I would have to work late and really wanted my shoes off I put them on. They fit easily in your purse or a drawer. They kinda look like ballet slippers My boss got them for us for Christmas one year.

[January]

Yes, I had those slippers when I worked! They were great. The ones I had were Isotoners. Also, Sketchers has really pretty shoes that look like ballet slippers now. You might try those, though they are pricey.

Belle was a bit naughty today. For some reason, she peed on the bed again! I have no idea what brought that on.

I think we should all have a tea party at Gus' cottage. I'll be sitting in the big rocker under the tree.

[January]

I'll bring scones and seedless strawberry jam to the tea party. What will you bring?

[cakeladie]

Ill bring the margarita machine

[Gus1234U]

i'll bring etible flowers

[lizardlady]

Cake and Jan, I have a pair of cloth sandals under my desk I can slip on if need be. I just don't bother with them.

I'll bring some cheese and crackers to the cottage.

[Gus1234U]

mmmm, with seseme ginger dressing ?

[January]

I've never eaten flowers before. How exciting! I did have wild mustard and creasy greens, but they are not flowers....

I think we need some pretty cupcakes. I'll bring those, too.

Liz, I'm so glad you have some comfy sandals to wear. That makes me happy.

[childofchaos831]

Got the results of my MRI today. The main things it showed was spinal stenosis from L4 to S1. I am 34 yeards old. My pain doc was a little shocked. I don't have any of the risk factors that would cause early onset, as far as we know. He's gonna try a different type of shot, that goes deeper than a normal ESI, scheduled in 2 weeks. If that doessnt do anything, it's on to the minimally invasive, outpatient surgery.

I'm starting to lose hope, liked really lose hope. I cannot stand to be in pain like this for the rest of my life. I can't keep going like this, I just can't. I dontf know how much longer I am willing to keep fighting, just to have more creap thrown at me. I also found out this week that I lost a significant amount of hearing in my right ear. I had the first shot of a course for that Tuesday. Hopefully they will only have to do three shots, and hopefully they work. I don't see why I should keep trying if my body wsantfs to just give up so bad. It's not fair.

[Gus1234U]

{{{ Child }}} i know what you mean... it's quality vs. quantity~