Is there any real support for family members?

Even if the military member isn't totally into the program of recovery? My husband was diagnosed with PTSD last spring, although the triggering incident occurred almost 8 years ago. It's been a long, horrible struggle, as his way of coping is with alcohol. He does go to the VA, where they've given him antiD's(which don't really work when coupled with alcohol, but I digress)He shows up for maybe 1 out of every 4 appts.

Anyway, it's been bad enough, and going on long enough now he's passed some of his symptoms onto me. I trigger when, for instance, he plays his music loudly. He's had arguments with me when playing his music in the past, and now every time he does it I trigger, and it's at the point now that I have to leave the house when he does it, otherwise I have a full blown anxiety attack, or I lash out at him.

he did, after his latest appt, give me a book, which just told me "family members can expect xyz" yeah, great, but what else?

This is often the toughest deal to tackle at the VA hospital. Modern family therapy does not typically focus on the "problem child" or adult for that matter, in the family. This is something that cannot be practiced at the VA due to the whole eligibility mess.

Maybe you can research local support groups in your immediate area, or possibly at the VA. I would consult a social worker at the mental health clinic at your VA. I am a clinical social worker at a VA and I often work with families and make phone calls to spouses (as long as a release of information is provided by the patient).

This is something that the VA is finally recognizing. The effects of PTSD symptoms do not lay with only the trauma recipient but often trickle into the family structure and cause tension. Seek help, you are not alone in this fight. Stay strong and keep your chin up. I wish you all the best. If I can offer any advice or insight please let me know.

thanks, I did find out about the Vet Center, but I think the one in town here moved or closed down, because it wasn't where the website said it was. he's not interested in family therapy at all, and told the initial intake counselor not to call me. it has been horrific enough that at this point, I'm ready to throw in the towel. Especially since he doesn't really seem interested in getting better. I actually did the sanity quiz here, and wow..yeah, it has affected me more than I thought.

It is very common to get very frustrated in situations like this. Ultimately it does have to be up to him to obtain the care he needs, and there is no one who can make him.

You have to monitor your health as well. Just remember, some of the most important things is sorting out "whose stuff is who's" to deal with. Ask yourself, what part of this is really mine to deal with?

Sounds like the main option here is for him to get better and hopefully re-kindle the relationship from his progress. The question is; at what point do you set a boundary that draws a line for your own personal health. Be strong. Good luck to you.

Here's a note, Jaded ... For a long time I've told people that the ones who suffer most from combat are the family members of survivors. The family of the dead have some kind of permanent results. Even though it is hard to deal with, there is some kind of closure in the death and funeral.

The families of survivors have so many unknowns to deal with, it becomes almost an impossibility. Physical wounds bring their own problems, helping the vet overcome the healing and recovery of the body. The mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual wounds are all hidden except for those manifested in the symptoms you see.

I'm facing those first therapy appointments so many years after "my war" that it seems ridiculous that these problems are coming to the surface. It took me a lot of years to learn how to hide the anger and rage and all of these other ptsd symptoms. But I learned t and for the most part became a very good actor.

Now that I face the first appointments, I fear revealing any of the underlying problems with the therapist or even my wife, for that matter. One of my symptoms over the years has been that I break off relationships with any friend or acquaintance who learns anything about the true me. And by extension, I fear that I'll do the same thing if my wife learns the details.

I've been told that the VA therapists want to interview family members, and I've already concluded that I won't permit those interviews. I don't want the therapist to have any discussions with my wife or children or anyone else about me. I'll change my "permissions" before the first appointment, sealing my records to any other person. And even at that, I'm fearful that the records are not very secure -- you ever heard of wikileaks? ... of course you have. You know that there is no such thing as a secret.

I don't know what to tell you about dealing with your vet other than that you explore something like the AA groups for family members. Your vet might change his mind about family therapy, but you have already seen that his first response is going to be "no." That might change with additional visits to therapists, but I have no experience with that, and you can see that my first response is also, "no." In my case my attitude is because I fear the consequences of all of that. I'd rather suffer on my own than to fracture that relationship. (I'm not saying there is any logic to any of this, simply that this is the case for me).

Prayers for your own success as well as for your vet ...

Troy

Thanks Troy. I think if it was just the PTSD symptoms, I could make it all work. But the alcohol added in makes him mean and cruel. And I don't know which symptoms go where either, he came home from that deployment drinking, so the two problems have always co-existed. I have to be careful about going to Al-anon too, I can't go if he knows that's where i'm going, he gets angry if he thinks I'm talking about him to someone.

and after looking extensively for days, there is nothing.