lifelong intimacy problem

Hi everyone.

So after reading Pete Walker's book " Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving", it gave me a new insights and perspective of understanding and dealing with my long term emotional abuse from my parents.

Still, the low self esteem, shaky confidence, and inability to form a balanced right brain/ left brain interactions leaves me sometimes stranded in the abandonment melange. I guess I'm making a very slow progress.

I don't know about you, but my most persistent problem, is forming a genuine bond and intimacy with the significant other. It seems to me very difficult to truly love someone and elicit the necessary emotions to maintain a healthy relationship. Sometimes I vacillate between true emotional neediness from the opposite sex, and others I find myself unable to sustain this emotional bond that I rationalize a lot about why I want to be with this person or that.

I guess its difficult for me to love another person, but I really wish I will be successful someday in being genuinely in love with someone.

I don't know if you have such problem, and what did you do to overcome it.

Thanks a lot.

I have never been able to overcome my intimacy issues. T's have no clue what to do about it. They just don't understand.

My C-PTSD was misdiagnosed for decades. Even when I tell T's that I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD, they don't seem to know how to treat it. The worst was a recent T who actually Googled C-PTSD right in front of me. He could not understand why this upset me.

I'm sorry I didn't understand what T's mean, I guess it means the other person, right?

Yeah it's very difficult, Understanding the roots of intimacy problems gives us better insight and perspective on why we are unable to form deep meaningful relationships.

For me and because of what you wrote above, I tend to be very careful when I choose someone. Most people are self centered, and not thoughtful and sensitive to others. I only divulge my most troubling issue when I feel I can trust that person enough and when I feel He can understands me and supports me relationally. I have very few people that I allowed to be so close to me, and that's fine to me, because others will cause us damage more tan repair.

For me toxic shame, and the unrelenting inner/outer critic are my first priorities to disarm and shrink, and they require a lot of time and its not easy. Reading Pete Walkers book was eye-opening to me, and I intend to read " Toxic Shame" by John Bradshaw. The community of self help books does a very slow but realizable progress toward deep recovery.

I hope you well, and never give up.

T = Therapist.

I can relate. I just lost my boyfriend due to my lack of self confidence, lack of communication,procrastination,and the unknown of my future. He hates that I live day by day. I take care of my elderly mom, right now she is my priority, and I'm on many meds,have a therapist and psychiatrist. I'm finding out that I don't share my feeling due to past PTSD. I would like someone as I am, not having to become someone else.

I relate a LOT to what you've described. Even though I've been in several long-term relationships, over the years, I have struggled throughout each of them emotionally.

I continue to push myself harder and harder to get over my issues and allow myself to open up completely. Trusting another person absolutely seems to be something that I am unable to do in life. Yet, I am also unwilling to live my entire life alone.

((((((hugs)))))) sent your way.