Cptsd/ied/arrested development

Combat zone childhood experiences. Existential threat for prolonged periods. Forced confinement for extended periods of time. Run out of food. Revolution. Age ten,eleven and twelve. I don't know if I belong here, but it sounds like Complex Post Tramatic Stress Disorder and Intermittant Explosive
Disorder. I can get really mad fast, It seems sometímes there is a volcano just under the surface, and I don't know why.

Sounds like you need to see a professional about this and get a correct diagnosis. There's so many things that have similar symptoms that you really need to talk to someone professional about it.

No mistake, I did my homework. It is a textbook case of CPTSD and IED. Meets all of the protocols for the designations. I have been able to handle (control) them well most of my life. However, every now and then someone I don't even know will bring me right up to the edge. I relate well to combat war vets, I have been on the wrong end of a barrel, and in a combat zone. Unable to defend my self. Age 10,11,12. Also long term confinment (weeks) with threat of extreme violence for leaving.

Trace14

You aré right, I do need help. I was also abandoned for months by my mother at age 4 or 5 when my dad was badly injured. She took both of my older brothers with her to the US. I was left alone with strangers in a strange land. If you want a hit to your self esteem that will do it. I think I cried for week. Shalom.

I'm so sorry for that. Not sure how a mom can make that choice of who to take and who to leave behind. Did she leave you with your Dad? That's a lot for a child to absorb. I'm so sorry.

i am so saddened for your situation, it sounds very traumatic.

Sounds horribly traumatic. Are you in a situation where you can or are in some type of therapy? I also have CPTSD and dealt with it successfully my entire life until the last year. I have been seeing a therapist, but we are still primarily working on some traumatic events that have occurred in the last year, that are getting in the way of working on the older traumas, but my therapist is aware of some of it and hopefully I'll be in a place soon where we can start working on it.

No Trace, they all went with my dad. He was airlifted all the way to the US for surgery. He broke his back. Real serious injury. i was left with strangers. As you can imagine it was a real stressful situation for everyone. I don't think she was thinking too clearly due to the circumstances. She may have dealt with some guilt about this all these years, I don't know. My family never talks about things below the surface. My oldest brother and I have started to talk about things that really matter.

Don't be sad avlady. There is a saying " What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."

Reb, it is real helpful talking to someone, you guys, about things. I've had so many traumatic events since I've been born I am afraid the white coats will never turn me lose. I don't want to spend the rest of my life reliving these traumas. That just me. It helps alot talking to you guys!! Thanks!!

I'm glad you and your brother can talk, you need to talk with someone that was involved to let them hear you. Yes, a broken back is very serious. Is he still living? Is your mom still alive?

No Trace my dad died of Cancer. Yet another tramatic experience. I saw him just before he died, god that was hard. Neither of them (Dad or Mom) can or will talk about serious emotional issues. Emotional deserts. There is so much my oldest brother never knew. Huge amounts. Years and years. But he does know that my parents don't talk about things that really matter. Always at the surface. A lot of things don't register with my brother or he doesn't believe or care. He probably gets 30% to 50%. Mom is still alive, barely, but no chance of communication. My other brother died, drank and drugged himself to death. I miss Mike, he was smarter and saw more, but still not as much as I did. Shalom.

I can speak for myself that validation is sometimes never achieved. For what ever reason it just doesn't happen. Maybe it's suppose to be that way for some, maybe it's a past life issue, and it's this life's journey, karma. I don't know but I do know who I am and what I want. I want to control the memories so they don't control me. What are you wanting?

I want to understand. And by understanding I can forgive. Perhaps, by forgiving I can lessen my ánger. With less anger maybe I can find peace. I also want to find my self worth independent of other human beings. I have lost my trust in a great number of people. Maybe there are enties out there that are noble and trustworthy.

There are , even people to love. But you have to open yourself up to it and that's risky. I think the prize at the end would be worth it though.

Yea ,Trace ,I agree! I know that there aré lots of good people out there. My wife is one of those special people. She is an angle, I don't know where I would be if not for her. I am just very careful, I would rather have fewer friends but really good ones.

Absolutely rather have a few good friends than many acquaintance's. That's wonderful that you have such a loving and supporting wife! So happy for you with that. You must be a truly amazing man and the experiences have surely made you wiser, as I think they have for all of us. We are human and going to make mistakes, especially when kids are involved. But the past experiences can show us what type of parent to NOT be. Part of that is becoming healthy on all levels to show a good example for children. To build trusting relationships so they will come forward when they are hurting and that emotion can be worked through with love and support. It's not an easy job. I expect being a parent is the hardest, but most rewarding, job of anyone's life.

Trace, life is complicated, very complicated, and I think the best we can do is to keep it as simple as possible and pray for the best. There are just too many moving parts for us to keep track of, let alone control. The older I get the less judgemental I am of people, I don't know their history, or circumstances. Don't get me wrong, when someone comes aggressively at me or the helpness, I will do what ever necessary to defend. Survival instinct. As you may expect I am very protective of children. Those who hurt children bring out the darkest side in me. I have no mercy for them. None. Shalom.

I think most people and animals feel the same way that they would fight to the death for their offspring. But I think from some of our own histories we may be more so. Raising a child would be complicated as well. You see so many people saying I want my kids to have what I didn't have, but in the meantime they miss teaching the children that not everything so their way, or not everything you want can be attained with out some work. That's why we live in a society of people who feel they are entitled. But you can really blame them that;s the world they were brought up in. Children mimic their environment as they get older. Children brought up in abusive home often become abusive spouses themselves. Children that are brought up feeling that they don't have to work for the material things in life have a really hard time in life. Not saying all children grow up that way but if they don't know any other way they will resort to what they know as an adult. I'm glad you are a loving father, you seem very balanced in the way you perceive things in life. Pretty remarkable considering what you went through, you should be very proud of yourself. I don't really know you and I'm proud of you

You are very.kind. I'm sure you have heard before "don't sweat the little stuff " well, when you go through some trauma, eventually learn not to sweat the big stuff, either. There really is alot of stuff that is beyond our control. Particularly when you are just a kid. Then you don't have much opportunity to control anything. I don't have kids of my own, but I tutor math to kids. Half of the challenge of teaching kids is to get them to believe in themselves. It is rewarding to see kids who had no confidence develop confidence in math, or life.
We all have to be patient, really patient, with kids. They are under a lot of pressure from school, from parents, from peers, from society, We really need to help them deal with all these pressures. I think they have alot moré pressure now than our generation had. Things are moving too fast now. As soon as you learn some things they become obsolete rapidly. I don't think this is going to end well for our society. Shalom.