[RubyRae]

I already know what my patterns and reactions are when I have been triggered by something.I instantly start on a downward spiral almost as if I am falling into a pit.If I recognize right away that I have been triggered I can put the brakes on the spiral.I can tell myself I have been triggered,I am just experiencing PTSD symptoms that will pass,I need to just ride them out,etc.If I start practicing self care right away by taking it easy,resting,doing relaxing things I enjoy within a few days I am feeling pretty much 100% better.

Other times though I don't recognize I have been triggered and that's when things get really bad.I feel like I am falling into a pit that goes deeper and deeper as each day passes.I feel so hopeless that I no longer want to be alive and it's so hard to pull myself back up.Sometimes it will take a month or longer to even realize what has happened,that I've been triggered and once I do realize it I begin self care and slowly but surely pull myself back up.

There's a huge difference in when I know I've been triggered and when I don't know.When I don't know,I really believe all the horrible things I think and feel about myself,I believe that my life sucks,that there's nothing to live for,everyone would be better off without me,etc and spend a lot of time thinking about all the different ways I could kill myself,believing that dying is the only way out of this horrible,miserable life.When I do know I've been triggered I have all those same thoughts and feelings but I also know it's just because of PTSD and although it's rough,it's manageable.

There's no way to ever avoid triggers completely unless I live under a rock.So the only thing to do is continue working on managing symptoms I get.And also work on recognizing when I have been triggered when it's not so obvious,like watching a movie about incest or serial killers or serial rapists,of course those are definite triggers and there will be fallout from them,but other things,like maybe the way someone spoke to me,or even looked at me,a specific song on the radio,a certain smell,etc.,those are hard to detect.

I recently went on a downward spiral that lasted a couple of months,I am just now back to 70%.It was a very rough time,I didn't realize I had been triggered and fell into that pit of despair and hopelessness and had a very,very hard time pulling myself back up at all.

Does anyone else relate to this?Are you finding it hard at times to change your patterns and reactions?In what ways do you deal with it?

[RubyRae]

Bumping this up...hopefully someone can relate and respond.

[elevatedsoul]

its difficult for me to recognize when being triggered..

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

its difficult for me to recognize when being triggered..

Thanks for responding!

I can tell I've been triggered some of the time because as soon as I am I get a surge of panic that rushes through my body for a few seconds.Other times I know because of my startle response,I always have an exaggerated startle response but when I've been triggered by something I scream very loud when startled compared to letting out a yelp.

I also know what many of my triggers are,do you know what yours are?

Do you know you've been triggered after the fact?

[elevatedsoul]

well when you put it that way it seems like i get triggered a lot

i trigger myself, .. apparently i have done something... strange...
i am remembering something my therapist told me one time, that i have associated normal non threatening things with dangerous things... so that these non threats can become triggering... colors... flowers... animals... pleasant sounds.... automatic thoughts...

i guess i have so many triggers its difficult for me to pick them out and pin point them... if that makes sense... as i have associated so many things... i guess...

i'll feel electrical shocks, many shocks... i get dizzy, foggy, feel distant, lose track of whats going on and what i am doing...

sometimes i become jumpy, other times i just am frozen, such as seeing an object coming right for me but zoning out of the body and time and not being able to move...

but its time for me to change this

i cant let it rule me anymore, its time for me to stuff it all in a huge magical steel box that cant be opened. that cant be tampered with.. that cant be bothered...
and no one can open it, it is to not be disturbed and not to be found... tossed far away into the psyche where no one can find it...

this is my goal, this is what i am going to do

that way these reactions, triggers, fears, anxiety, depression, will have no place in my life.. they will be stored in the magic box, safely, locked away, for no one to see hear touch or fear...

maybe i have gotten off topic, or maybe not... it is how i intend on changing my patterns... they are no use to me anymore, i cant make them go away, so i must store them somewhere right?

i just need to build this magic box... i am working on it, i will not fail

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

well when you put it that way it seems like i get triggered a lot

i trigger myself, .. apparently i have done something... strange...
i am remembering something my therapist told me one time, that i have associated normal non threatening things with dangerous things... so that these non threats can become triggering... colors... flowers... animals... pleasant sounds.... automatic thoughts...

i guess i have so many triggers its difficult for me to pick them out and pin point them... if that makes sense... as i have associated so many things... i guess...

i'll feel electrical shocks, many shocks... i get dizzy, foggy, feel distant, lose track of whats going on and what i am doing...

sometimes i become jumpy, other times i just am frozen, such as seeing an object coming right for me but zoning out of the body and time and not being able to move...

but its time for me to change this

i cant let it rule me anymore, its time for me to stuff it all in a huge magical steel box that cant be opened. that cant be tampered with.. that cant be bothered...
and no one can open it, it is to not be disturbed and not to be found... tossed far away into the psyche where no one can find it...

this is my goal, this is what i am going to do

that way these reactions, triggers, fears, anxiety, depression, will have no place in my life.. they will be stored in the magic box, safely, locked away, for no one to see hear touch or fear...

maybe i have gotten off topic, or maybe not... it is how i intend on changing my patterns... they are no use to me anymore, i cant make them go away, so i must store them somewhere right?

i just need to build this magic box... i am working on it, i will not fail

You haven't done anything "strange",if you have PTSD that's what happens,associating normal non threatening things with dangerous things...an example would be the way I react to hearing fireworks on the 4th of July,they're not dangerous,but my mind associates the sound to something traumatic that happened in the past and I react as if they are dangerous.What you have described is normal for PTSD,sounds,smells,etc. becoming triggers...

I'm glad you think it's time to change it,but the only way to is to work on it with the help of professionals.There's no cure for PTSD but symptoms can be managed.And I hate to burst your bubble since you sound so determined but you can't wish it away or store it all in a magical box,that's just not possible.

[elevatedsoul]

its what i did for years before i got messed up in this mental health field...

i was stable, if that makes sense, with all of my symptoms

now im just unstable, a mess, everything bad

[elevatedsoul]

im just going to put it all so far in the back of my mind that i forget about it

it happens from time to time automatically, i just have to learn to do it and force it to lock all the negative stuff away in a magical box...

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

its what i did for years before i got messed up in this mental health field...

i was stable, if that makes sense, with all of my symptoms

now im just unstable, a mess, everything bad

Well then if you were able to wish it all away and keep it all in a magical box and you were doing ok,were stable,why did you start seeing mental health professionals?

And if you were doing so well why were you given a diagnosis at all?

[elevatedsoul]

i dont know... but i cant do this anymore...

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

im just going to put it all so far in the back of my mind that i forget about it

it happens from time to time automatically, i just have to learn to do it and force it to lock all the negative stuff away in a magical box...

Well good luck with that I guess if that's what you want to do.I think it would be much better to work on all of this in order to help yourself ,which is what this thread is supposed to be about,dealing with fallout after being triggered.

I choose to help myself so if you have any suggestions other than a magical box that would be great.

[Open Eyes]

Hi Ruby Rae,

I can relate to what you described. I do better at managing when I know what the trigger is. I hate it when I slide into a downward/depressing ptsd cycle and I have no idea what triggered it to happen. It's taken me a long time to slowly figure these triggers out too. I can relate to having the negative thoughts about life and not wanting to deal with it etc.

I recently posted an article that talks about how the brain is affected with PTSD. Did you get a chance to read it?

Here is the article:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2.../#1f70f79b5eaf

Keep in mind that a memory flashback can consist of an emotional memory that you may not understand exactly what it's about. The conscious mind can get confused because the connection it has with the amygdala is not what we think it is.

[RubyRae]

No,I didn't get a chance to read it but would very much like to.Where can I find it?

[RubyRae]

I see you added a link after i posted.
thank you!

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

I already know what my patterns and reactions are when I have been triggered by something.I instantly start on a downward spiral almost as if I am falling into a pit.If I recognize right away that I have been triggered I can put the brakes on the spiral.I can tell myself I have been triggered,I am just experiencing PTSD symptoms that will pass,I need to just ride them out,etc.If I start practicing self care right away by taking it easy,resting,doing relaxing things I enjoy within a few days I am feeling pretty much 100% better.

Other times though I don't recognize I have been triggered and that's when things get really bad.I feel like I am falling into a pit that goes deeper and deeper as each day passes.I feel so hopeless that I no longer want to be alive and it's so hard to pull myself back up.Sometimes it will take a month or longer to even realize what has happened,that I've been triggered and once I do realize it I begin self care and slowly but surely pull myself back up.

There's a huge difference in when I know I've been triggered and when I don't know.When I don't know,I really believe all the horrible things I think and feel about myself,I believe that my life sucks,that there's nothing to live for,everyone would be better off without me,etc and spend a lot of time thinking about all the different ways I could kill myself,believing that dying is the only way out of this horrible,miserable life.When I do know I've been triggered I have all those same thoughts and feelings but I also know it's just because of PTSD and although it's rough,it's manageable.

There's no way to ever avoid triggers completely unless I live under a rock.So the only thing to do is continue working on managing symptoms I get.And also work on recognizing when I have been triggered when it's not so obvious,like watching a movie about incest or serial killers or serial rapists,of course those are definite triggers and there will be fallout from them,but other things,like maybe the way someone spoke to me,or even looked at me,a specific song on the radio,a certain smell,etc.,those are hard to detect.

I recently went on a downward spiral that lasted a couple of months,I am just now back to 70%.It was a very rough time,I didn't realize I had been triggered and fell into that pit of despair and hopelessness and had a very,very hard time pulling myself back up at all.

Does anyone else relate to this?Are you finding it hard at times to change your patterns and reactions?In what ways do you deal with it?

Triggers can be anything at anytime in my experience. Usually I know when I get triggered and it's mentally and physically exhausting. And can take a while to go away, or get back to a somewhat normal space. My therapist has identified that I have been living most of my life in avoidance habits. So I have a lot of changing to do, it will take some time, but I'm working on it. Patterns need to be practiced I think until they become a natural reaction to a situation. Maybe try some DBT. Meditation, yoga. You have to find what fits with you. Music maybe? Dance like nobody is watching

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Triggers can be anything at anytime in my experience. Usually I know when I get triggered and it's mentally and physically exhausting. And can take a while to go away, or get back to a somewhat normal space. My therapist has identified that I have been living most of my life in avoidance habits. So I have a lot of changing to do, it will take some time, but I'm working on it. Patterns need to be practiced I think until they become a natural reaction to a situation. Maybe try some DBT. Meditation, yoga. You have to find what fits with you. Music maybe? Dance like nobody is watching

Yes it is mentally and physically exhausting and it's hard to not just stay in bed 24/7 at times because my body feels so extremely heavy.

I usually can manage when I've been triggered but it's the times that I can't see outside of my symptoms or even recognize they're symptoms that are the hardest.I get too caught up in it,too lost in it to be able to do anything to help myself really and it all just seems so hopeless.

Thankfully it doesn't happen too often.I have really progressed through therapy and self care through the years but still have those times where everything I have learned,all the tools I have in my toolbox elude me,and I have to find a way to change that.

I'm thinking maybe I need to make an actual toolbox,get a box and put things in it like art supplies,DVDs,articles about PTSD,bath oils,candles,recorded guided meditations,pictures of people I love the most,etc.,along with a note to myself,reminding myself I have been triggered,all the thoughts and feelings will pass and that I just need to take extra special care of myself and ride it out.And write on the box "open this when feeling hopeless" and keep it sitting somewhere in my bedroom where I can always see it.Maybe that will help me realize I have been triggered.I guess it's worth a try.(thanks elevatedsoul,your posts about a magical box helped me think of this).

[Open Eyes]

I hear you, sometimes I have such a bad day and I have no idea why. It can take a long time for me to figure it out too. And if I happen to get to a point where I can articulate it, people tend to make remarks like "well, if you know that then just don't allow it to bother you". It's so hard to explain how that's not what I am doing.

One of the things I have noticed "now" is that when someone triggers me a certain way I get lots of flashes showing me all the things in my past that "hurt" me the same way.

What helped me alot in that article I posted was what happened in all these flashes that come forward is my brain slowly recognizing all the things that the hypocampus did not register at the time. Yet, my amygdala still held on to the emotional distress.

One of my therapists tried to explain to me how our brain stores events in different areas, some of which don't have language which makes it hard to articulate all that is stored when a trauma is experienced.

One of the things that I have a very deep exaggerated startle response to is doors. I have a lot of trauma that involve hiding behind doors, running through doors, doors slamming even my car door, getting shoved up against doors by someone trying to molest me. Something "bad" suddenly appearing at the door and coming at me in such a negative threatening way.

When I experienced the post traumatic stress breakdown and was taken to a psych ward I never got any sleep and I was so exhausted. But every 10 to 15 minutes they kept opening the door to check on me and I would immediately wake up with a startle. I left that place more EXHAUSTED than when I went in.

[Nammu]

It's very good that you've noticed and are working on managing the symptoms. That's a real breakthrough. Give yourself credit for that. It does get better and you'll find yourself reacting less and less to the triggers in life as your coping skills start kicking in automatically. It took me years to achieve that as I got stuck for a while identifying myself as a PTSD victim instead of a survivor. But it will get better as you practice self care.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

Yes it is mentally and physically exhausting and it's hard to not just stay in bed 24/7 at times because my body feels so extremely heavy.

I usually can manage when I've been triggered but it's the times that I can't see outside of my symptoms or even recognize they're symptoms that are the hardest.I get too caught up in it,too lost in it to be able to do anything to help myself really and it all just seems so hopeless.

Thankfully it doesn't happen too often.I have really progressed through therapy and self care through the years but still have those times where everything I have learned,all the tools I have in my toolbox elude me,and I have to find a way to change that.

I'm thinking maybe I need to make an actual toolbox,get a box and put things in it like art supplies,DVDs,articles about PTSD,bath oils,candles,recorded guided meditations,pictures of people I love the most,etc.,along with a note to myself,reminding myself I have been triggered,all the thoughts and feelings will pass and that I just need to take extra special care of myself and ride it out.And write on the box "open this when feeling hopeless" and keep it sitting somewhere in my bedroom where I can always see it.Maybe that will help me realize I have been triggered.I guess it's worth a try.(thanks elevatedsoul,your posts about a magical box helped me think of this).

I was actually going to suggest some grounding tools. Thing is sometimes we get too comfortable in flashbacks and dissociation. A couple times when people would notice I was dissociating they would talk to me and try to get me to ground with looking for items of a certain color in the room. Once I said no, because I was comfortable in that quiet place. Then I felt like poop for a couple days with my dissociation hangover, the best way I have to explain it. So find some grounding exercises that work for you, I carry pebbles with me in my pocket. There's temperature, texture, color all things that can make us think of the present time.

[it'sgrowtime]

I relate to all of you in this thread. I do notice how triggers dont always affect me the same way. Sometimes I can stop the spiral and stay "normal." sometimes, I can acknowledge something triggered me, but I can't stop the weird thoughts and feelings completely. Instead, I just notice the weird thoughts/feelings as theyre happening and try to redirect and reassure myself. Other times, I'm so caught up in thoughts/feelings I am completely unstable.

i hope that processing trauma will help me, but it's so tricky to have triggers, shut things out, try to let things out, try to live "normal" life, and try to stay sane through the process. I feel like there is some "obstacle" in my way...but what is it? Also, I feel like there is some other entity in charge..."it." It's like I'm hiding parts of myself? I'm in pieces? I feel it all, and I understand fragmentation...but how do I integrate. I always think I'm on the brink of being cured, then I feel "it."

Like open eyes, I notice how a present day thought/feeling will open up flashes of memories that have the same theme...it's like a scroll unrolling. It's so fragmented, the pieces are so small and incomplete, I do feel like im trying to put together a puzzle...it's a game I'm really tired of. Also like open eyes, I have so many doorway images. It's eerie how that's the same for us, and I felt like I was reading my own writing when I was reading that of yours. I've wondered if its metaphor at times, besides being actual memories of doorways.

I love the idea of creating the magical box. Brilliant! I need a "totem" sometimes, a touchstone. The composition of a box could be helpful. Something to contain my "it." I was getting so lost for a time, the only way I came back was by remembering "the forest through the trees." I'd realize I was lost and I'd grab a red ribbon with hopes to lead me out. It never lead me out, but just realizing I had become lost would help me to ground.

[Open Eyes]

Just a question, do any of you get the chills?

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

One of the things I have noticed "now" is that when someone triggers me a certain way I get lots of flashes showing me all the things in my past that "hurt" me the same way.

One of the things that I have a very deep exaggerated startle response to is doors. I have a lot of trauma that involve hiding behind doors, running through doors, doors slamming even my car door, getting shoved up against doors by someone trying to molest me. Something "bad" suddenly appearing at the door and coming at me in such a negative threatening way.

Originally Posted by it'sgrowtime

Like open eyes, I notice how a present day thought/feeling will open up flashes of memories that have the same theme...it's like a scroll unrolling. It's so fragmented, the pieces are so small and incomplete, I do feel like im trying to put together a puzzle...it's a game I'm really tired of. Also like open eyes, I have so many doorway images. It's eerie how that's the same for us, and I felt like I was reading my own writing when I was reading that of yours. I've wondered if its metaphor at times, besides being actual memories of doorways.

I don't get flashes or fragments of memories anymore like I used to before going through trauma therapy.I remember all my traumas now and when I've been triggered I start thinking about all of them and get so upset,which is one of the main things that makes me spiral downward so easily.

I also have an exaggerated startle response to doors.It's embarrassing more than anything else.If someone knocks on my door or rings the bell,even if I know who it is,I jump and yelp when I open the door for them.I don't think that will ever go away for me.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Just a question, do any of you get the chills?

I get the chills but I don't think ,for me,that it has anything to do with PTSD.Can you explain what you mean a little more?

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Just a question, do any of you get the chills?

Sometimes I do, but I think it's just my body reacting to the anxiety and stress. What do you think causes it?

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

I also have an exaggerated startle response to doors.It's embarrassing more than anything else.If someone knocks on my door or rings the bell,even if I know who it is,I jump and yelp when I open the door for them.I don't think that will ever go away for me.

The startle response can get better. When I'm tired or not practicing good self care it can return but for the most part it's gone. There is hope.

Do put together a box kit of good stuff, mine helped tremendously. I had a copy of my rights as a human. The right to be safe, it was reassuring. I also had a glass wand with green liquid and sparkles in it, holding it and watching the liquid go back and forth was calming but a bit dissociative so it wasn't the best tool but it was my favorite. I had things like aroma therapy oils, lotion, sandpaper, a fidgety gizmo with different surfaces and music. It was an important tool box in my recovery.