Feeling very lost and alone.

I was diagnosed with MDD and complex ptsd one year ago and anxiety in 2014. Even though had problems my entire life.

I am on my 3rd therapist due to trust issues. I finally found someone where there is a slight chance of trust. She had a family emergency & haven't had session since July 28. She advised me can talk to another therapists in the office. How am I suppose try to trust some one else? Especially, due to it may be temporary.

I truly feel bad for her situation,but why am I feeling so alone? It's like adandonment all over again. I am trying to get through this without my mind going crazy. Maybe since only had 4 sessions with her. Feeling really stupid, right now! Really hate when my emotions get out of control. I am trying keep everything in control without taking any medication. Even migraines are starting to increase and my dissociation is out of wack. She did advise me she should be back before September.

Apologize, if I am rambling......

My daughter and grand kids are about to move to their new home. I am really excited for them. The only thing is they keep me mind from wondering, inner anger under control , and suicidal ideation to a minium.

Sorry you are having a tough time right now and no need to apologise.

How unfortunate to find someone who you think you can build trust with and for them, then to need to take a break. But September is not far away now.

Emotions can be strange things (for me), sometimes they seem to illogical and overwhelming, but I can never think myself out of them and they seem to have to take their course.

I get, that it seems hard to see another T while your T is away, but maybe, particularly if you are losing some consistent family distractions and you can experience darker thoughts, another T, just to check in with while your T is away, might be helpful?

Post away on here too. There is generally lots of support here, even if no solutions, a place that might help with distractions.

Take care.

Thank you SoupDragon for the feedback. I just assumed I would be ok for a couple of weeks. Guess, Its harder than I thought. I may just call the fill in this week just to check in.

It is hard for some people when their T goes away for a while. Just like you said you found someone to trust and then they are not there. I think we need to realize that they are just people too and have families they need to attend to. While she's gone try to write in a journal how you feel and talk about it when she gets back. Reach out to that other therapist and just discuss this with her. No need to get into everything all over again. Just get that booster session to get you over this hump. But don't beat yourself up over this it's a common thing for people to get close to their therapist.
Sounds wonderful about the daughter and grand kids!!! How exciting. Do they live near by? If so I'm sure you can be busy helping them move in.
We are always here and respond back as soon as we can. Do you have a crisis line number close by?

Trace14, thank you for your feedback. Actually, just bought a journal due to therapist wants to start a life time line. I haven't wrote quite anything, yet. Yes, daughter & 4 grand kids 😁 is moving about 5 min walk away. We actually packed almost all her things, today. It's so crazy, I have never talked about what's going on with me. My therapist think I should. Even though she is 29, still don't want her to worry about me. I think cause it was always me taking care of her.

Also, keep reminding myself my therapist is coming back. I know she is, but my mind/anxiety likes to play tricks. I'm trying to distract myself by getting my house back in order. I have been extremely tired(my normal). it's hard to get things done. Again, thank you.

The caretaker role is a hard (maybe impossible) one to break. I know only too well. My thoughts always revolve around how my daughter is doing. If she's ok, I'll be ok. I've kind of lost myself in the process, but working on allowing myself to make sure I'm ok now too.

Hang in there!

Therapist is back in town. Have an appointment Friday. Thanks everyone.

That's good news.

Yeah!!!! Great news.

Trust issues, feelings of abandonment, suicidal ideation, inner anger, hyper emotional? (by description), dissociation, diagnosis of PTSD ... Are you sure you don't also have borderline personality disorder? It would explain a lot of the emotions you went through when she left for a time.

Just a thought ... Maybe talk to her n ask her opinion about it?

Actually, have been reading about bpd. My new therapist have only diagnosed me with major depression disorder & cptsd. She is going to let me know if there is anything else at a later date. Guess, after we have more sessions. Thank you for your input.

Yea it does take awhile to get that dx bc they like yo "be sure", sometimes they even misdiagnose first.

Hey change 1954. Just wondered how you are doing today?

Thanks for asking. Hope you are doing welI. have not told my therapist about my feelings. Don't want her think I'm some crazy person. I UNDERSTAND keeping everything bottled with a cork is dangerous. I'm trying to turn things around, but it's hard to find a way to break open that bottle.

Not sure if this will help or not but...I decided this long ago. "Normal" has no true definition. It changes all the time. Why? Because we're all a bit "crazy" and society has to find a way to make us feel good about it. Problem is some parts of society decide to turn it into a reason to be cruel. So...I decided... we are all crazy, it's the ones who won't admit it that are the worst amongst us.

I wonder if you can tell that to your T? That you have been having some feelings that you are finding it hard to talk about as you are worried about being judged?

I used to reassure myself that T is trained to hear and deal with all sorts of things.