[Trace14]

Did you have expectations of therapy, therapists, before you ever went to the first appointment? Were you disappointed when you found out what therapy really was .

Pre therapy I thought T's were kind, caring people, who had skills to help you get out what you needed to talk about. To find the origin of the problem and work on skills to help get you back on track with life and maybe take a medication on a temp basis to get through it. I was so wrong.

Anyone else?

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( Trace ))))))))

I’ve been very disappointed in therapy and therapists. I did think that therapists were kind and caring, or why would they be doing that job. However, I do know that some therapists are genuinely kind and caring towards all their patients, not only those they find “easy” and “quick” to help. (And to make “significant change” as defined by the therapist to the therapist’s schedule and time scale.) I haven’t found those good therapists though. (Sigh)

I hope you don’t give up looking for a competent, kind and caring therapist, they are out there somewhere..

I think maybe an older, female therapist may be more helpful, for me anyway or an experienced, older male therapist. I have read Peter Lomas “The limits of interpretation”. I recommend this book, also anything by Yalom. These two were (are) honest, caring, excellent therapists. In my opinion.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

(((((((( Trace ))))))))

I’ve been very disappointed in therapy and therapists. I did think that therapists were kind and caring, or why would they be doing that job. However, I do know that some therapists are genuinely kind and caring towards all their patients, not only those they find “easy” and “quick” to help. (And to make “significant change” as defined by the therapist to the therapist’s schedule and time scale.) I haven’t found those good therapists though. (Sigh)

I hope you don’t give up looking for a competent, kind and caring therapist, they are out there somewhere..

I think maybe an older, female therapist may be more helpful, for me anyway or an experienced, older male therapist. I have read Peter Lomas “The limits of interpretation”. I recommend this book, also anything by Yalom. These two were (are) honest, caring, excellent therapists. In my opinion.

You made a good point about the "easy" client. I feel like that's what they are looking for and maybe us older clients are too much work for most. They want that quick turn over. At least that's how I feel about the Veterans Admin. It may not be the T's fault as much as that's the guidelines for the government. That they are only allowed so much time or sessions with a veteran. But when issues start in childhood it's not going to be a quick fix. I think the stats are still 22 veterans a day die by suicide. That's way too many. Not sure how many of them are or were under VA care, but it shows that veterans need quality counseling.

[reb569]

I was so lucky when it comes to my therapist. She is a little older than me, possibly in her early 60's but I think maybe a bit younger and she truly is caring. She really has helped me get through the last 1 1/2 years.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by reb569

I was so lucky when it comes to my therapist. She is a little older than me, possibly in her early 60's but I think maybe a bit younger and she truly is caring. She really has helped me get through the last 1 1/2 years.

Do you think it makes a difference in the age of the T to the client? Hadn't really thought about it before but it would make sense on the understanding the time period we grew up in. Glad you found someone like that.

[Trace14]

At the beginning I thought we would go right into the issues deep and get them identified. Then work on how they impacted my life prior and up to now. But it seems they want you to jump through all these DBT, PE, CPT hoops first which is frustrating to me. Maybe it is good to know some of this stuff before going deep inside, if they even do that. Seems it's just addressing superficial issues now, past traumas don't matter. If your past traumas make you angry or mistrusting you are just labeled a problem client, non-compliant. It's really not fair to the client to label them without knowing them well.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Trace14

At the beginning I thought we would go right into the issues deep and get them identified. Then work on how they impacted my life prior and up to now. But it seems they want you to jump through all these DBT, PE, CPT hoops first which is frustrating to me. Maybe it is good to know some of this stuff before going deep inside, if they even do that. Seems it's just addressing superficial issues now, past traumas don't matter. If your past traumas make you angry or mistrusting you are just labeled a problem client, non-compliant. It's really not fair to the client to label them without knowing them well.

I agree... they do tend to label people far too quickly, without knowing them

I haven’t even been offered DBT, that isn’t easy to obtain over here either.

All those hoops they want us to jump through... so tiring

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I agree... they do tend to label people far too quickly, without knowing them

I haven’t even been offered DBT, that isn’t easy to obtain over here either.

All those hoops they want us to jump through... so tiring

Can you ask about DBT and see if you can do it? I didn't finish DBT because I didn't understand how it applied to me and my situation. To me it seemed like something to do after the issues were identified. There may be some type of DBT training online. Speaking of online, when I first started going to the VA my sessions were 1-2 months apart and I needed more. So I did the online counseling. I did Better Help for a while, then I went with Cloud Counseling Karissa Brennan . Those were helpful during those times.

I will have to say I have gotten a little better from the PE and CPT. I guess a little progress is better than none. But it just seems to be taking so long to make this little bit of progress. That is frustrating and tiring.

[reb569]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Do you think it makes a difference in the age of the T to the client? Hadn't really thought about it before but it would make sense on the understanding the time period we grew up in. Glad you found someone like that.

I think it does for me. I'm not sure that I would be as comfortable with someone who was a lot younger than me. But it could also be her experience showing too.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by reb569

I think it does for me. I'm not sure that I would be as comfortable with someone who was a lot younger than me. But it could also be her experience showing too.

It makes sense that it would be different, just never really thought about it.

[anxiety247]

I feel like for my therapist who is younger I am too complicated for her. I am not easy like most patients she probably sees in their early 20s who are a bit more flexible to change. I am 46 and very much set in my ways or the way I learned to survive I should say. Then I get mixed signals when I talk about the trauma. That I am falling in the victim trap. I am not telling her my story for the poor me look what happened. It's trying to unload stuff I have kept hidden for close to 3 decades. That whole victim stuff messes with my head bc just like in childhood when I attempted to reach out to express my feelings it was shut down quickly otherwise well yeah.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by anxiety247

I feel like for my therapist who is younger I am too complicated for her. I am not easy like most patients she probably sees in their early 20s who are a bit more flexible to change. I am 46 and very much set in my ways or the way I learned to survive I should say. Then I get mixed signals when I talk about the trauma. That I am falling in the victim trap. I am not telling her my story for the poor me look what happened. It's trying to unload stuff I have kept hidden for close to 3 decades. That whole victim stuff messes with my head bc just like in childhood when I attempted to reach out to express my feelings it was shut down quickly otherwise well yeah.

Hmmm here again the issue of age difference in the client and T seems to be a concern. I'm 58 and pretty set in my ways as well. Even since a child I've been very independent. I agree, we tell our story to get it out not for sympathy, but I guess some do.

I had the opposite experience
I went into therapy (because my first T was so awful) thinking that all therapists were awful people who only cared about the money and didn't actually care about the people they saw and they were all judgmental and horrible and only wanted to project their own feelings onto me

But when I met my T she was really kind to me and she met me at my level and she eventually showed me that she really did care and she was always there for me and even called me when i go to the hospital, no one else in my care team calls me when I am in the hospital, I might as well just be dead to all of them

but my t has been seeing me since I was 16 and she has never given up on me, even during the times where I've yelled at her or did something bad like lying to her

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Kori Anders

I had the opposite experience
I went into therapy (because my first T was so awful) thinking that all therapists were awful people who only cared about the money and didn't actually care about the people they saw and they were all judgmental and horrible and only wanted to project their own feelings onto me

But when I met my T she was really kind to me and she met me at my level and she eventually showed me that she really did care and she was always there for me and even called me when i go to the hospital, no one else in my care team calls me when I am in the hospital, I might as well just be dead to all of them

but my t has been seeing me since I was 16 and she has never given up on me, even during the times where I've yelled at her or did something bad like lying to her

I'm glad you have a good one now. I'm sure that makes all the difference in the world have a good relationship with the T. Sounds like she is very thoughtful. Thanks for sharing.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Kori Anders

I had the opposite experience
I went into therapy (because my first T was so awful) thinking that all therapists were awful people who only cared about the money and didn't actually care about the people they saw and they were all judgmental and horrible and only wanted to project their own feelings onto me

But when I met my T she was really kind to me and she met me at my level and she eventually showed me that she really did care and she was always there for me and even called me when i go to the hospital, no one else in my care team calls me when I am in the hospital, I might as well just be dead to all of them

but my t has been seeing me since I was 16 and she has never given up on me, even during
the times where I've yelled at her or did something bad like lying to her

This is incredible. I’m happy for you

I suppose there might be something “wrong” with me as I haven’t found a therapist who cared

But over here (uk) long term therapy is extremely rare (except in the private sector and even there many therapists seem.... influenced by the System

I suppose some people are more “worthwhile” than others. this is what 1 therapist I paid for told me how he judged my “value” I don’t know

I would never do any of the things my abusers did to me.. ever

But I’m still, apparently, .... I still “should cope” on Meds alone which I’m allergic to. It’s insane. Or maybe, I’m insane

[anxiety247]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Hmmm here again the issue of age difference in the client and T seems to be a concern. I'm 58 and pretty set in my ways as well. Even since a child I've been very independent. I agree, we tell our story to get it out not for sympathy, but I guess some do.

Not all of us want sympathy. For me it's freedom of what I been hiding all these years. I think of the slogan they have here in the US about silence about mental health/end stigma how can we when we are not able to talk about it with the risk of being the victim and looking for sympathy.

I can understand being very independent as well. It's what we learned as kids to survive what we were living through. Too bad my survive button is jammed stuck because its the only way I know how to live.

[SoupDragon]

My feelings about therapy have changed. I was in a very dark difficult place to begin with and my T was gentle, but also firm in making sure I stuck with it. I've learned this was because they were really concerned about my well-being. Now my T is less gentle and has placed more of the responsibility on me as to whether I go or not. So my feelings about therapy have shifted from feeling that it was mandatory that I attended to now knowing I am free to leave at anytime.

I miss the gentleness, not that it is totally absent now, but I feel different about my T now, I see them differently and think my attachment to them has changed. I think possibly it is a more healthy secure attachment, rather than the awful insecurity I felt and actually it is probably better for me that they are not so gentle and are more pushy / challenging.

Now T is someone I go to explore things with, rather than someone I clinged to in my darker days.