[LittleForgetMeNot]

When I feel lonely it seems I want to latch onto anyone who talks to me. I'll go looking for old friends, regardless of if they've hurt me or not, and just stick. If I don't I'll feel restless and anxious, and it only gets worse the longer I go without communication.

Right now, because I hadn't spoken much with my friend yesterday, and only for 5 seconds today and he wont be back for another 7 hours, I'm still considering looking for Rachel. I won't look for Jesse because that's against my rules (though I want to) but Rachel wasn't apart of those rules.. and she tried talking to me yesterday.. so.. I dunno..

I hate myself right now.. I'm extremely pathetic.. I don't even feel like I have the right to complain about those two because I want to go back..

[lucky137621]

I know how you feel. I kind of try and do the same things. Maybe if you get yourself some kind of hobby (me to) that way we can do things with our idle time.
Hope you feel better!

[emmasaza12]

I know how it feels to be alone , what hurts most is when you have family and still feel alone because you can't comunicate with them.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

My mood fluctuates during the day. I'm usually always good and unaffected when the sun is out but as soon as night comes I feel lonely, anxious, restless, etc. It's been really hard to control in the past, I mean just a few moments ago I was staring at the page to unblock a few people but I didn't. My hobbies consist of this computer and nothing else. I don't have too much enthusiasm to take up anymore things.

[lucky137621]

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

My mood fluctuates during the day. I'm usually always good and unaffected when the sun is out but as soon as night comes I feel lonely, anxious, restless, etc. It's been really hard to control in the past, I mean just a few moments ago I was staring at the page to unblock a few people but I didn't. My hobbies consist of this computer and nothing else. I don't have too much enthusiasm to take up anymore things.

I can totaly relate to that. Im the same way with getting lonely at night. That is so wierd I thought for sure I was the only one. I'm sorry you feel that way though and I know things will get better.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

I hope things get better for you too

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Update: Soo.. I ended up unblocking Rachel and Jesse. I just wanted to see if something had happened cause she had tried to contact me two days ago. I can't get into their facebooks or see their walls but his profile picture and dn dedicated to her (sigh) haven't changed at all.

Right now, inside, I really want Rachel to try and talk to me again. I just feel so extrmely alone that even she would be acceptable.

[bpd mess]

i'm sorry you feel so lonely. i get the same way. have you tried reading books? i can sometimes get lost in a good book.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

I dont have many books. Most of the books I have I've read countless times or I've grown out of.

All I've been doing just now is completely shattering all promises I made a few days ago. I went looking for them, read stuff that I could get to.. acted like a crazy obsessed person. I didn't add.. but I really, really wanted to. I have no idea why. I know it's horrible and it would be stupid and I would probably let a lot of people down if I did, but for some reason it's just so tempting? I really feel horrible about it now though. They're over there having a great time with each other where I just sit there in depression all by myself. He doesn't feel sorry and she did this intentionally.. Bleh, I dunno why I do this to myself..

[bpd mess]

there are games here on pc. have you tried playing those? i know it's hard when you're felling so alone. try not to do things you'll regret later.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Ooh, I didnt know there were games here! I'll check them out

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Well if I can find them :L

[bpd mess]

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

Well if I can find them :L

it's in the "distractions" section of the forums. in case you can't find them.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

thanks I seen a few games that looked quite interesting. Unfortunately at this moment just about every game that seems interesting can be traced back to a memory of Jesse or Rachel some how. I found a game on another website though that had never been linked to them in anyway, which im happy for since its i love the game a lot. it's that.. burger shop 2 game. Highly addictive in my pov and it's fast paced so there is no time for idle thought. thank you for reminding me about it though!

[bpd mess]

Great! I like the fast paced ones also. Otherwise there's too much time to think about stuff while I'm playing. You might want to find a few of them that you like so you have choices to go to when you need them.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

It's too bad though that a lot of the games are demos so you can never finish them. Or you have to download them and only play for one hour!!

[LittleForgetMeNot]

My nightly depression/anxiety is back, and this time I've run out of free trials to distract me.

Originally Posted by emmasaza12

I know how it feels to be alone , what hurts most is when you have family and still feel alone because you can't comunicate with them.

I have a big family.. but not a great one. On either side my parents are the outcast so my brother and I are the outcast children of the outcasts. No one around me really gets me here anyway, besides my Dad..

Surrouned by people but still completely alone.

[bpd mess]

I felt alone in my family growing up also. It really stinks. Sorry you're having to go through this.

Have you tried the cartoon network games? They actually have some fun games if you look around.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by bpd mess

I felt alone in my family growing up also. It really stinks. Sorry you're having to go through this.

Have you tried the cartoon network games? They actually have some fun games if you look around.

I refound neopets. I noticed they finally let u retreive passwords for multipule accounts so I found all my old ones, deleted, and started anew. I used to be really into games all over the web. I used to have multiple good accounts on just about everything. I used to like Cartoon Network a lot but that was more when they had shows I knew. Now they really only have three on there and their games I've played about 100 times. Thanks for the suggestion though, it reminded me of a lot of old sites I've abandoned!

I'm starting to feel better over all I think. The anixiety went down as I've been just obsessing in these games and distractions. I suppose I was just freaking out over all the mixed signals I was getting from Rachel and Jesse. I mean she tries to re-add me and inside I start freaking out cause I don't know what that means; if she only wanted to mess with me or she had a genuine reason. Last time I spoke to Jesse he said he missed me and thought of me as his friend but would treat me like crap which made me angry and confused as I didn't understand anything. Words and actions never made sense with those two.. It plays on my emotions and makes me do stuff I wouldn't normally want to.

[bpd mess]

That's great that you're feeling better! Could you maybe try to start making friends with other people. Sounds like these two are causing more stress than you need right now.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

making friends is extremely hard for me.. especially since i'm doing some version of homeschooling. I don't go to my school regularily, i have a problem with skipping and just being there makes me feel ill and anxious. i take home work every week to do and then bring it back. I'm trying to get into an alternative school like i was in last year, but at the moment, new friends are quite impossible to get. i tried re-connecting with an old friend, but for some reason he just stopped contacting me outta no where. i tried talking to him but i would get that feeling that he obviously didn't want me around anymore? i've gotten this with a lot of my friends in my neighbourhood.. and really i only have one left but he's online and i dunno if it's just me or not but it seems like we're growing apart too.

[yellowted]

I understand perfectly your loneliness as i get very lonely most nights, my loneliness is like a light, off during the day and all embracing when it is dark. I used to go to my local pub (not to drink alcohol, just for the company of others) but since my mobility deteriorated two years ago I am unable to get there now. I find playing games on my computer, listening to some good music and chatting to a friend 200 miles away on facebook all help to relieve the loneliness though at times a good 'feeling sorry for myself' cry is the only relief