[cherrygash321]

I'm having trouble coping with a good chunk of issues regarding my brother. He abused me and made family's life hell in many ways. For some reason I went back and tried to start a new (healthy) relationship with him in college. It ended badly. I was so out of sorts I had to move home.

I don't want to hate him, but I do. I don't want to dream about him but I do. Multiple therpists have said he may be on the sociopath spectrum. I agree. I am coming to terms that we may never have the relationship i wanted(which im not sure why i want it). maybe i was just lonely....
that is something to grieve

another is forgiving him. i hold so much anger. therapy is slow. most times i dont have the energy or concentration to write about it. sorry if this seems a bit jumbled, im tired writing this.

i suffer from pstd and get flashbacks and nightmares about things that happened to me. its hard enough to get over traumatic events, without having to relive them over and over. There is much more to this story.

just wondering if anyone had anything similar. or knew someone on a sociopathic spectrum.

[Gus1234U]

dear Cherry, one of my mother's sons is a psychopath, fortunately he did not actually live with us, as she abandoned him when i was born. he blamed me, as it turned out,, but i had a little rage disorder, and he learned not to mess with me,, he did so much damage to the younger children, and even the cousins, we all hated and they feared him. i will never forgive him, he is not capable of appreciating it, but i do forget him every chance i get. i hope you find a way to relinquish the hold he has on your emotions, and move on with life~ don't hesitate to grieve, it's very healthy,,, best wishes,, Gus

[Dark_Dreams]

I am the sister to a sociopath brother with a horrible past which results in much of what you have spoken on in regards to nightmares and flashbacks. I too longed for the opportunity to have a healthy relationship with him but at some point I had to give up. Do I forgive him? I don't know. For the most part I just don't care. I know exactly where he is and can live with the idea that he will never be a threat to me again which very well may be why I can sit here and not care at all.

Do I still long for some sort of relationship with him? I wonder why we cannot have that and sometimes miss what I think we should have had but I do not long for anything with him. Of all the baggage I have, he was the first piece I really let go. No contact and minimal thoughts of him. During the holiday I do think about him and consider contacting but but once the holidays pass, I go back to not caring.

[cherrygash321]

Thank you Gus. i appreciate the encouragement.

Dark Dreams- I am so glad(humbled) to find someone out there in a similar situation. Makes me feel not so alone. You are nose on with the caring and not caring. I also am away, safely far away from him. I havn't seen or talked to him in over a year. I don't know what to do with all my rage towards him.

but you're right, you have to cut those ties that put you in danger. For years I thought it selfish to shun him because of my religion. Now i know it's healthy to put myself first. I don't plan a life with him in it ever. The only person I feel scared for is his new little wife from WAYY over seas. She has no idea, but there's nothing i can do, even i wanted.

its easy to cut ties. but the scarring of every evil act is much to bare. trying to move on, to Start Over. I wish i knew how to do this better....

[Dark_Dreams]

It isn't always easy to cut ties but it is a lot easier than cutting ties with the memories. Those things somehow linger for years and years no matter how hard you try to ignore them.

[cherrygash321]

i didn't even talk about it ever, my problems, the family problems until i was forced into therapy for my anger. my family ignored their problems with my brother for years. they still are, but he is grown now. it still hurts when they want to sweep things under the rug. its slow for my parents coming to the reality that i was neglected by them. this would all be easier if i wasn't living at home with them. my therapist says i cant really address this until i live away from them. but that'll be awhile as i am sick. so i have to deal with it here. not having their firm validation of what happened and what's happening now breaks my heart. its a struggle either way.