Dealing with my emotional turmoil takes up most of my day. I find it difficult to break this habit. I'm easily pushed to the edge when I feel slighted by someone I care about and it makes it hard for me to distinguish between what is my own pathology and when someone is being inconsiderate.

People can be inconsiderate but it doesn't mean I need to jump out of my skin; however, I do. When I feel slighted anger boils up inside me and I feel full of "helpless rage." I've been classifying myself as Borderline but that really is only a title. And not a very flattering one. I'm much more than my pathology but that is something I usually forget.

We live in a whole world of others and hunger for their acceptance - most of us anyway. It's a matter of survival and we're programmed to function more effectively in a group. So in order to truly flourish we need to become an important member of the group - when we fail to do that our self-esteem plummets, continue to fail to do that and poof- you have a disorder. It's well documented that the happiest people on earth have a wonderful support network. People who they love and can count on to make their time on this earth as rich and fulfilling as it could be. Problem is I've failed to put that network together and now I search frantically trying to fill all the roles that I should have learned how to fill as a child.

So what am I to do?

[emptybee15]

I have no idea, but I feel JUST like that. I just wanted to show my empathy because the feeling is AWFUL and awful isn't even a great enough word to describe the pain. I just wake up everyday because I have to. I just exist, I don't live. I hope things change for you.

Originally Posted by emptybee15

I have no idea, but I feel JUST like that. I just wanted to show my empathy because the feeling is AWFUL and awful isn't even a great enough word to describe the pain. I just wake up everyday because I have to. I just exist, I don't live. I hope things change for you.

That you so much for your support. I'm sorry you feel the same. Each time I feel as if I'm making progress I fall back into not so old ways of thinking and behaving. I have the emotional maturity of a three-year-old and haven't yet grown up. Guess you could say I'm more of a "woman-child" than anything the DSM can con jour up.

[GzusMc]

If your partner has Borderline and says "they are taking a step back and you are just friends" do you still have a chance?

Originally Posted by GzusMc

If your partner has Borderline and says "they are taking a step back and you are just friends" do you still have a chance?

That information is too general to give you an answer.

[tired_girl90]

I don't really have a support network either, and have no clue how to create one...It's the loneliest feeling. I think I actually repel new people. I think they can sense how fake my smile is, and they figure there's no way anyone can be that nice and happy when they first meet someone. Who knows?

Originally Posted by tired_girl90

I don't really have a support network either, and have no clue how to create one...It's the loneliest feeling. I think I actually repel new people. I think they can sense how fake my smile is, and they figure there's no way anyone can be that nice and happy when they first meet someone. Who knows?

Sometimes my smile feels fake too. Like I'm pretending to be this normal person when inside I feel hateful. Maybe people sense something is "off" with me. IDK. I'm searching for peace within hoping that once I accept myself I'll be able to be more giving and forgiving to others.

[Richardrahl]

Originally Posted by stardusted

Dealing with my emotional turmoil takes up most of my day. I find it difficult to break this habit. I'm easily pushed to the edge when I feel slighted by someone I care about and it makes it hard for me to distinguish between what is my own pathology and when someone is being inconsiderate.

People can be inconsiderate but it doesn't mean I need to jump out of my skin; however, I do. When I feel slighted anger boils up inside me and I feel full of "helpless rage." I've been classifying myself as Borderline but that really is only a title. And not a very flattering one. I'm much more than my pathology but that is something I usually forget.

We live in a whole world of others and hunger for their acceptance - most of us anyway. It's a matter of survival and we're programmed to function more effectively in a group. So in order to truly flourish we need to become an important member of the group - when we fail to do that our self-esteem plummets, continue to fail to do that and poof- you have a disorder. It's well documented that the happiest people on earth have a wonderful support network. People who they love and can count on to make their time on this earth as rich and fulfilling as it could be. Problem is I've failed to put that network together and now I search frantically trying to fill all the roles that I should have learned how to fill as a child.

So what am I to do?

http://forums.psychcentral.com/newre...eply&p=1989238

You dont give yourself enough credit sweetheart, Your a strong confident woman, but you need to reinforce that confidence. We all have insecurties and issues , you know me better than most and you know what im like, i could get into a fight in an empty room, or remember my fight in the hospital last year?? your not the only one that jumps out of their skin at times, my god just taking the underground is enough to push me over the edge sometimes. To help with it I try to think it all through properly, why am I angry? is it really a good reason to be angry?? waht will happen if I just explode right now???

You say "we" alot , but we are not talking about "we" we are talking about you. I wish I could teach you how to fight its worked wonders for me being able to tke my aggression in a gym or ring, so people frown on that kind of release but it works for me. I know you like to look at the more relaxing side of taking away the edge so what about more yoga or pilates? and in regards to a smoe social activity, what about studying a night class or something? your a very inteligent person (too inteligent sometimes :P) so how about applying it in a more practical manner?

Originally Posted by Richardrahl

http://forums.psychcentral.com/newre...eply&p=1989238

You dont give yourself enough credit sweetheart, Your a strong confident woman, but you need to reinforce that confidence. We all have insecurties and issues , you know me better than most and you know what im like, i could get into a fight in an empty room, or remember my fight in the hospital last year?? your not the only one that jumps out of their skin at times, my god just taking the underground is enough to push me over the edge sometimes. To help with it I try to think it all through properly, why am I angry? is it really a good reason to be angry?? waht will happen if I just explode right now???

You say "we" alot , but we are not talking about "we" we are talking about you. I wish I could teach you how to fight its worked wonders for me being able to tke my aggression in a gym or ring, so people frown on that kind of release but it works for me. I know you like to look at the more relaxing side of taking away the edge so what about more yoga or pilates? and in regards to a smoe social activity, what about studying a night class or something? your a very inteligent person (too inteligent sometimes :P) so how about applying it in a more practical manner?

Kisses for the compliments Richard

I remember your fight in the hospital. Your rage is easily ignited as well. However, recently you've matured and It seems you're getting a strong hold over your emotions and aggressions. I'm so proud of you

Physical exercise does help me with my emotions. Increasing pilates (when I'm able to use both my legs again) will be something I'm going to do. When I use to dance I'd get so caught up in the music and the movement that I'd feel free if just for a little while. You're right the release is very therapeutic.

[Open Eyes]

Learning to flourish among others is very challenging. Often we learn how to do this when we are very young by the way our parents receive us and teach us how to relate to others. And this is so overlooked by so many as we often live our lives feeling disconnected and unworthy in the presence of others. We often take on the slightest signals from our parents growing up that we are truely not aware of. And we all think that we are just supposed to grow on our own and just know how to handle those around us.

Can it be true that happy people are those that have a loving support system from when they are young? Yes that is true, because many true needs were met that taught a child "how" to feel independent and truely be a part of a social network.
Unfortunately we are all so dependent on developing these skills at the mercy to those that we grow around. And equally important is that if we are not rewarded in our youth we often struggle the rest of our lives wondering how to be rewarded and if we are really worth being rewarded.

And to be honest, I am extremely angry about this, I really have a big issue with it. Time and time again I see so many people struggle with themselves because they just never learned some very important internal messages when they were very young. "We are what we know" and "if we dont know" it is truely "not our fault".

Often there are issues with transference when this is finally provided and it doesn't always have to be with a therapist, it can be with anyone who provides a sense of true acceptance and nurturing that was needed so very long ago. It can mean a mentor in our past or it can also lend us to being victims as we search for something that we know is missing but are not sure what needs to take place to have it.

While some of us are born with disorders, I believe that other disorders are created by a lack of proper nuturing in the most important times of our lives. And as we all have our individual weaknesses we struggle to understand how to relate to others and somehow be accepted. And often those that were never taught how to flourish within a social network truely feel abandoned and self isolate with an emotional deficit they just don't truely understand.

The beginning of learning is in understanding that there are others that struggle too. And that can be done in a site like PC. And it is one atmosphere where this can occur. It has offered some insight and exposed different areas of weaknesses in various issues that occur within different people. And each and everyone of us can offer "true" support and make an effort to help others learn things they never really learned so long ago that was truely needed.

We can only gain by opening up to learning about our own individual weaknesses and then trying to take those steps that we never truely got to take so very long ago. So that is what we need to remember when we read a question or concern here and try to answer it. And the very first step is the willingness to look at ourselves and see the good and the bad, then work at learning how to slowly take steps with each other and "support" a learning process.

The important question presented in this thread is "I feel inadequate and I dont know how to fix it" and one important answer I have to you is "your not the only one asking that question and you CAN LEARN to FIX the issues you struggle with. But you are going to make mistakes and each mistake is an opportunity to learn, NOT, a reason to run or feel like you do not belong.

Take time to read all the different information presented here at PC. And then find strength to talk and reach out to others. Just keep in mind that
"others are learning too and WILL make mistakes". Try to find ways to reward others here at PC for their efforts, that is a beginning of learning how to give, and then try to learn to accept rewards from others, that is a beginning of learning how to receive rewards. But you must learn that every rejection is an opportunity to "LEARN" and it does not mean that it is "YOUR FAULT ON INADEQUACY", "YOU JUST NEED TO LEARN".

Open Eyes

[Richardrahl]

Also I know you like Gardening, Believe it or not I got myself a bonsai tree, which Ive just started to shape, and It helps!! it relaxes me when Im a little stressed so how about some garden focus

To Open Eyes,

Thank you so much for that very insightful reply. I guess when one is hurting they do tend to focus too much on themselves and forget that others are struggling too. Since I always feel as if I'm drowning it's hard for me to always be there to help others float. I enjoy helping others and do feel amazing when I can help them feel better.

Glad to have met you Open Eyes

Originally Posted by Richardrahl

Also I know you like Gardening, Believe it or not I got myself a bonsai tree, which Ive just started to shape, and It helps!! it relaxes me when Im a little stressed so how about some garden focus

That's fantastic about the tree! Once my foot is healed I intend to spend a lot of time in the garden. I miss it so much.

[Open Eyes]

Your welcome Stardusted, it is very hard when we feel like we are drowning to see others as well. I often reach out to others to take my focus off of my own days were I really struggle. All of us have something we know about surviving and even holding on so it can be very theraputic sharing those strengths with others.

Reaching out to people can be very much like having a garden and I will say there are always weeds that can pop up. Every person has weeds that often threat to smother them, often it takes another to help to pull the weeds aways so that person can grow some more.

Open Eyes

There is a big difference between having a good support group and allowing others to define your self-concept.

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

There is a big difference between having a good support group and allowing others to define your self-concept.

True enough. But I tend to form my self-concept based on the feedback from others.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine
There is a big difference between having a good support group and allowing others to define your self-concept.

Quote posted by Stardusted :True enough. But I tend to form my self-concept based on the feedback from others.

Between these two statements, think about what goes on in the developing mind of a child, any child. And even a teen ager that comes out of that child and how that progresses forward through adulthood.

A support group can mean differents things to different people depending on how we all were "SUPPORTED" or "NOT" as a growing individual.

And that is one thing that each of us has to learn, and there is only one way to do it. We have to interact with others and think about how we define ourselves along with how others respond to that. And the most individual theraputic way to be successful is to take an honest look at
"HOW" we react to those responses of others.

And we all have our own unique way of reacting to others, however, we are all human and in that we all have a common design of responses.
Some of these responses we are "AWARE OF" and other responses we are not always "TRUELY AWARE OF".

If we honestly approach ourselves with the fact "We are what we know"
and understand that often through others "WE CAN LEARN TO KNOW BETTER" we can "CHOOSE" to not only become "MORE AWARE OF OUR SELF-CONCEPT" but "ACTUALLY SEE OUR OWN CAPACITY TO IMPROVE OUR SELF-CONCEPT".

We can either "ALLOW" a support group (OR ANY INDIVIDUAL OR GROUP OF INDIVIDUALS) to define us "OR" we can choose to break out of our own pattern where we often repeat a process that concludes with the same result. So, as an example, we can say "I never seem to be able to get along with others", "TO", "What do I need to learn to get along better with others and improve my communication skills" as well as "MAINTAIN
MY UNIQUENESS AND BUILD MY OWN SELF ESTEEM".

And this is where as individuals "WE HAVE TO BE WILLING TO DO THE WORK". Whenever we "LEARN" anything we then practice it. And that can mean behaviors and "SELF-CONCEPTS" that are both good and bad.
In many ways we have to accept that at one point that may have started long ago " WE ACTUALLY "DID" ALLOW OTHERS TO DEFINE US". And we can either spend the rest of our lives with some of the bad "SELF CONCEPTS THAT ARE TRUELY NOT OUR FAULT" or "WE CAN TAKE THE TIME TO "LEARN" HOW TO "IMPROVE" AND "MAINTAIN" A HEALTHIER "SELF-CONCEPT".

A support group is only a way to understand this individual process. And a support group is not about allowing ourselves to have others define us. But it can give us the opportunity to see if we allow others to define us.
It can truely be helpful to see that we are truely not alone in our individual struggles and there are ways to 'CHANGE WHAT WE KNOW" TO "LEARNING TO KNOW DIFFERENT".

It is truely a difficult and personal journey for each of us.

Open Eyes

Thank you for taking so much time and effort to help me Open Eyes

It is much appreciated.