[claire-marie]

(Background story)
I broke up with a boy almost 6 months ago after a long and close relationship. However, I was still kind of flip-floppy about breaking up with him, so that seriously complicated our relationship. Then for some reason (I don't remember) he started to really annoy me, especially when he talked about his own problems. I felt like he didn't care about me anymore and never listened to what I had to say and what I was dealing with. So one night I just went on a rant about how annoyed I was (and we had never really argued before. at all.) and told him all of the issues I was dealing with (a bit exaggerated) and how he didn't even notice/care anymore. After a few minutes of being super mad I hung up the phone and went to sleep. About an hour later my mom came in my room and asked me "Are you alright?" I mumbled yes, but then the next morning I realized what had happened. The boy had told my parents. EVERYTHING. I was sooooo upset, I couldn't stand it. But then the emotion shifted...
(Actual emotional issue)
Now I can't even look at the guy without feeling sick. He scares me. I tried to get over myself and my stupid emotions by sending him a message on facebook asking if we could be friends again and that I was stupid to still be mad at him (I wasn't really mad, I was just sick and confused). But the next day I saw his face and I just couldn't stand it. I ran in the other direction. It is not his fault at all. I just can't look at him, let alone talk to him or be friends with him without being sick. Every time I think about him I have mini panic attacks and whenever someone else mentions him or something that reminds me of him I get violent for no reason and scream at them to shut up. I have no idea why I act that way. There is no reason for it. He didn't really do anything all that wrong that would cause this. But I just can't stand it. And now it is hurting my friendships with other people because I get reminded of him for even small reasons. I have no idea how to even start to handle this and I don't have a clue why I'm acting this way. Please, anybody help me understand this. (I'm sorry for making this so long, but I just ache.)

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, if he called and told your parents then I'm wondering if you said anything that was a red flag. For example, suicidal thoughts or self harm or being abused? In general even saying you have panic attacks or depression or paranoia, and he thought to tell your parents says to me that he cared. A lot. Because in my experience you tell people things and they roll their eyes and complain that you need to stop being a whining baby and deal with your own problems....

As for why you are feeling this way... that's hard to say. Have your parents reached out to try to help? Or have you gone to them with your issues? Are you in treatment at all or talking to anyone? If you can get help then you should. Maybe you feel guilty over the whole thing and just don't know how to recognize it? I think if you had some help from a therapist or something this would be good to talk over with them.

[claire-marie]

Maybe you feel guilty over the whole thing and just don't know how to recognize it? I think if you had some help from a therapist or something this would be good to talk over with them.

Well... Yes, most of what I said were red flags (anorexia, losing touch with reality a bit, feeling not in control of my emotions, wanting to SI, etc.). But I was actually doing a lot better with getting most of them under control. And I know he only told my parents because he was worried about me, but still. I couldn't help getting upset with him when he had told me that he wouldn't tell my parents and then he did. Sigh.

My parents have reached out and have tried to help a few times, but every time they bring anything up that even vaguely relates to issues I have I freak out. I just can't talk to them about things. It hurts. I get shaky and light-headed and I don't even like thinking about it. I want to get help, but I just cannot talk to my parents about it.

I think guilt is a definite possibility. I just don't know why I am feeling this so intensely and acting the way I am. It kind of scares me.

I agree with the possibility of guilty feelings. If you are feeling bad for saying something to him, you need to apologise not for him, but for your own release of emotional tension.

I have carried guilt around with me for many stupid things done in teh past and avoiding a simple apology keeps the guilt fresh and the avoidance stronger. If you still feel these symptoms afterward, talk to someboyd. If you don't wish to talk to family, look for a crisis line to call, a counsellor, a doctor, a friend, somebody who you will respect their advice from and be comfortable in accepting help from. For the sake of your own healtth, you must talk about it and seek assistance to feel better both physically and emotionally.

I hope you can find what you need to help yourself feel better. We are all behind you

[claire-marie]

I have apologized to him. Multiple times. But the feeling is still there. I really want to get a counselor, I just need to find a way to get one without telling my parents face to face. The thought of that scares me so much But I think I might write a letter. I just have no idea how to word it effectively. Sigh.
Thank you so much for the support. It really means a lot to me to know that someone cares.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by claire-marie

Well... Yes, most of what I said were red flags (anorexia, losing touch with reality a bit, feeling not in control of my emotions, wanting to SI, etc.). But I was actually doing a lot better with getting most of them under control. And I know he only told my parents because he was worried about me, but still. I couldn't help getting upset with him when he had told me that he wouldn't tell my parents and then he did. Sigh.

My parents have reached out and have tried to help a few times, but every time they bring anything up that even vaguely relates to issues I have I freak out. I just can't talk to them about things. It hurts. I get shaky and light-headed and I don't even like thinking about it. I want to get help, but I just cannot talk to my parents about it.

I think guilt is a definite possibility. I just don't know why I am feeling this so intensely and acting the way I am. It kind of scares me.

Well, I don't know the relationship with your parents. But I have been a teen in distress with no help from my parent. I did want his help, and I tried to reach out, and was blown off.

So, I know it is hard to ask for help sometimes, and it can be very scary. But from my view if you have parents who want to help you is a very positive thing! Also, getting help sooner rather than later is better. I feel I have far more problems now because I never received the care and treatment I needed before it got worse.

My advice is if your parents want to help, let them. You deserve to be taken care of and to work toward healing!

Hi claire-marie,

My teenage years were confusing and overwelming also. I wish I had received help my freshman year in high school, but it didn't happen. I've spent time living without shelter, addicted, hopelessly confused and feeling very, very alone. Things were confusing and alone in my teenage years, but after I became an adult, I soon became aware that I wasn't cute or a child anymore. In fact people began to treat me like I was a dangerous person and noone cared if I hurt inside or not. They felt they needed to protect themselves and their family from me.

I believe that last part, my early adult years, and the pain that accomanied it, could have been avoided if I would have received therapy my freshman year in high school. I had to learn a very difficult lesson my early adult years that I hope you don't have to learn it too. There are places in this world where "I" don't matter. Surviving those places leaves a scar, I believe, on anyone who survives them. Now, I enjoy waking up in the morning and I feel good about the future and myself. I can't erase or change the past though, and I can't fully forget either.

I hope, for your benefit, you are able to lower your walls and defenses and allow somebody to assist you, even though you might be embarrased or angry and confused. Painful feelings always pass, things will get better, if you let them get better. It sounds, to me, that you need a little help and guidance to allow your situation to improve. You're scared and distrustful, I get it, but if you remain that way, people won't be sympathetic as much as they are now. You can go on to college, or adult life, with skills to cope with the bad times, that are going to come, or you can continue pushing people away who only want to help you gain coping skills so you can survive in the adult world. I hope and pray you choose to acquire productive coping skills so your adult life will be manageable and you will have a chance at being happy and popular. You sound very intelligent and strong, I believe you can have an awesome future if you can confront you own fears that are keeping helpful people away. Maybe you can pray, to a higher power than yourself, for that strength to confront your fear. I hope you find help

Believe in your strength and that something in the universe sees you and loves you unconditionally.

Don't be ashamed of yourself, we all need help sometimes. Some people just hide it better...

Peace, A.

[claire-marie]

Thank you, to both of you I am really going to try to tell my parents that I need help. Probably through a letter. One of my friends recommended a specific counselor to me, so I hope that will make things smoother to tell my parents. I think it will be really nice just to talk to someone without them blowing up at me or treating me differently or whatever.

Claire-marie, I hope you can get the help you definitely deserve. You have taken the first step Although it might seem like a long road at times, many of us will be here if you need us. I am in counselling also, and I ahve my moments when it seems like nothing is improving, or might even feel worse. I hope we can help you along. Big hugs and support to you.