Express your anger in a healthy way

I'm angry because I get anxiety over every little thing!

Thanks Leo! I feel so relieved that you opened the topic...and in such a lovely way.
(I had no idea how to start a thread and have been struggling quite a bit. So again, thank you!)

Meh. I am sooo frustrated by the inefficiencies and lack of communication at work. Total communication breakdown to the nth degree.

One issue in particular, I have been incredibly frustrated for several days, but the past two days have been particularly difficult. I am doing everything I can to keep my mouth shut, count to 10, take breaths, etc., but inside I am seething. I am literally digging my heels in the mud because I do not want to work (a stubborn mule is what I keep picturing in my mind).

I understand my frustration and anger is because I am really scared and also holding a bit of a grudge (for their past poor work performance). Perhaps, in another lifetime I would be absolutely delighted by all of the (last minute) change of events; however, it's this life, and I am mortified, angry and feeling a little disgusted.

I have gently and professionally asserted myself in terms of how all of this will change my position (I've been promoted, but to what I have no idea - lol!), but somehow their action time is slower than my reaction time (I must have "Patience, Grasshopper")

OK, here it comes: We have made changes in the workplace, and I cannot STAND the people that I now have to work with. They are drama queens, trouble-makers, gossips, culturally (dare I say, inferior), lack manners, are loud, have a horrible work ethic, selfish, difficult to work with, and are generally not nice to be around (this is all based on past experience).

And I just discovered I must work with them ((big sigh)). It's like being in HIGH SCHOOL all over again (and I hated high school).

The anticipation of the merger is much scarier and horrible than it will probably be ... hopefully by that time I will have more tools to handle it. But for right now, I cannot stand even looking at them they frustrate me so much.

I haven't the proper tools (yet) to cope. And the only thing I know how to do is hide and isolate (separate myself from the "offender(s)" which I cannot do because it's work-related. Eeek.

(thanks for letting me vent/share).

i need this thread-- i ranted a lot earlier with things..

Solution- stand my ground more, being more accepting, and not to think the world is falling apart when things do not go right, be kinder to myself in the sense that I am working on issues even if they do not seem to be up to "par" per my expectations.

Ok- So Monday/Tuesday I was a raging bull beauflow... lot of time just wasted on in my head... The sad part is that I work at a job where I am "allowed" to do this.... it is just sad that it is not a real job and I am allowed to spend so much time thinking whihc is good and bad
But on ward!

So Tuesday "more" or maybe the same bad news that just triggers me badly-Anyways bad ranting at time of news, restlessness and all.. emotions every where--I was mad, upset, guilt, ashamed, worried, and so forth- (SO More than Anger but still-)

What was pointed out by some great PC friends is one big thing that I still have trouble with-
Yes earlier way back in time when this thread was started- I mentioned something about "accepting that I am allowed to be angry"
It sounds simply!! I know, I think back here on my past few days/weeks and think- is that partially of what I had to do to let this GO?
Tuesday afternoon I accepted that I was angry, I accepted that I was suffering (oOoOo to accept suffering is hard for me- due to I am Strong Beauflow! beauflow no suffer!, but unfortunately that is like a deniable thing at times with certain subjects)
But with the little tid bits and hints and reminders from others---
It is ok that I am angry, I am angry about a lot, angry about suffering and angry that it is out of my control- AND I want to stop- I am done, I have done what I can, I need to accept in away Defeat on the matter- However It is not True Defeat- It is Defeat in the sense that I can not control what others do! And that is NOT a bad thing. Also with this realization of I AM NOT in control is the simple fact that it is not my fault of their outcomes..... It is sad that I even think it is my fault for their outcomes, but I have done what I can, I have supported, and I have no "fingers" in the outcome of what they choose.....
And then I realize that-- wait a minute- that is not defeat at all- I never had control, so how could I be defeated? any ways--

By Writing down just a few sentences to myself- accepting I was angry, and Realizing that A Lot Of This Anger has no where to be productive due to the subject at hand is out of my control and that I should not be angry that I do not have control due to the flip side of that, it is not on me- I seem more happier today..... just a little update on anger here with me recently.

-- i was reading Buddhist blog thing-- they were talking about suffering.

Suffering is a choice they mentioned. due to we ignore, deny or do not let the pain come and go- we hold it with our stories.

I know this is expressing anger in a healthy way thread- but for me pain and anger some what do go hand in hand in a lot of ways.

This reading on this Buddhist- it got me to think a little- I am angry with a lot with my brother right now-- which is where a lot of the source of the last two posts of mine here are about.
I do believe a part of this anger comes down to I am not capable of controlling him-
I know I can not control another- And ya know I keep remembering
"Grant me the strength to change what I can, and to accept what I can not, and the wisdom to know the difference"....... I stumble on that a lot some times.. But even that there coupled with the Buddhist's blog-- i got to even more thinking and feeling out on my anger here--
A part of me that is angry is due to I cannot control him; I believe angry about this due to I feel as in the past I had allowed him to control me-- and at times even today have allowed him to control me by using my emotions against me... It hurts a lot- And No I am in way saying I wish I could do the same to him- I wish I was able to control him to go get help to better himself, to better the people around him, so him and I could have a better relationship-- that is what the control is about on my part-- make him want to help himself to go get help... But I can not- He Only Has that Control for himself, no one else---

"We only let people hurt us if we allow them to"- correct? that is another saying I think on from time to time that I can twist to the point that it comes down to we allow those people to hurt due to we gave them trust, or we gave them a part of us-- the thinking (that admittedly I get at times) of not allowing others to be a part of trust, and in my life- is harshly putting a brand on others due to some I have allowed to hurt me..... I try best with not thinking that way but it can be tough when in pain, which comes anger for me most of the time.

A lot of this has made me realize that with me "allowing" others to control me by what they do, or what they do to me or say to me- to the point that I am suffering, wanting to leave this world due to I want this all over and that is the only thing that I can control is me leaving or staying (but yet I do not want to leave due to i have other things going for me as well )---But It has opened a little window in my mind of -- I should be more keen to this in the future and in the now-- something really big to work on for me- It is something is wired into my brain as far as this is the treatment as I got from childhood and have allowed it continue on-- it was a bad learning skill back then, and it needs to change-- ... so solution time.

To remember that I do control me-- others do not-- and with that simplistic saying a lot can come from it-- I control me, I allow to not let the pain and pass when I am hurt, I allow others to in ways manipulate me due to fear or pain... I do not want this any more for I get angry, anger is a product of the pain. So I need to remind myself the simplistic idea-- I control me-- I do not control others-- and what they do is in their control.

hope that makes sense a little thought IDK if any really reads this stuff from this thread any more

(Be well all) and it is a working progress

oh and as i was rereading this-- I get angry that others from the outside expect me to do something- to fix the problem with my brother-- So I guess i am not the only one that has trouble getting that--

"Grant me the strength to change what I can, and to accept what I can not, and the wisdom to know the difference"....... I stumble on that a lot some times..

beauflow, I think many of us stumble on that a lot. I know I sure do! It can be difficult to change ourselves, but maybe it is even more difficult to learn how to accept what we can't change.

While we can feel emotionally scared when making a change in ourselves - we can usually get over that pretty quickly. But I've found that the emotions I feel when I try to accept the stuff I can't change are much worse and last longer. And I think those are the emotions that create the anger I feel at times.

I just re-read my post from last March. I need to take my own advice again because situations at work are causing me to feel angry again. So, I'm going to write it all down again and present some of my thoughts at our next meeting. I know my co-workers are feeling anger about the same things that are happening - so that will give me confidence to speak up.

I'll just have to work hard to state everything in a calm tone of voice.

I do read this thread, beauflow ...
I am learning to let go of much in my life that I cannot change,
including a friend of over 20 yrs who's decided we aren't any longer ...
Nothing I can do about that.
I don't need the anger or the pain, so I'm releasing it,
but it's not easy.

(((((((beauflow)))))))

Roadie

((((Beau))))

I feel angry when someone disagrees with me and then tries to insult me (knowing I struggle with x y z) by responding to me in a condescending way. As if because for example I struggle with ptsd they purposely use the word "trigger" or they ask me if I "took a pill" if I disagree in any way. Ugh.

Solution: speak up and tell that person it is not acceptable. Vs feeling victimized and shying away. Or worse, apologizing or staying silent.

Releasing turned out to be impossible, because the former best friend has chosen to remain a present, active part of my life. I haven't had time to adjust to a new relationship with her or the family. Her 9-yr-old grandson, who's also been close to me, has perhaps pushed for things to continue as usual ... IDK for sure. I was angry for a while, very angry at myself, I had made such big deal out of everything and failed to acknowledge a child's needs before my own. Now a lot of crying and not much sleep has me feeling mostly empty. Don't feel worth what I put everyone through, and I don't want to put anyone through this again.

I'll finalize the date with everyone involved. Otherwise, all the plans are made for the museum visit, and I hope I carry this through.