Express your anger in a healthy way

Anger rearing its ugly head again.

I think some of it is related to the stress that comes at Holiday time. I've caught myself feeling angry a few times over that past 2 days.

Hub was kind and told me to relax about the stuff out of my control. I took deep breaths and got past that stuff.

But, the other stuff? I am ready to pound my head against the wall.

A family member sent an email to the family last week. I sent a response with answers to his questions and also noted that people should update email addresses for some on the list. Today, he sends another email (still using bad addresses) and asking the same questions... Either he has set his account to throw my responses into the Junk folder or - well, I don't know...

I have chosen not to respond this time. Maybe another family member will. My anger isn't gone - but I'm going to go distract myself with an activity that will calm me down.

Breathe in, breathe out... repeat...

I wish I could sleep past the new year to avoid the phony holidays - feel sad.

anger..
at my idiot landlord,

my oh so butthole of a jerk neighbor who is a bully (who while i enjoy tormenting him by not letting him win..i also know that at some point he will hit me...so i will win the war but become a casualty in the process)

at uncle sam for not making my pension comparable with social security disability...i mean really isn't receiving a "disabled federal employee "pension good enough to receive federal benefits that others get? why can't they recognize their own damn pension?????

evil parents, parents friends etc for their abuse

oh & for good measure the creepy guy at the gas station where eddie master mechanic now has to work...for not taking my coupon. richie always did. eddie always did...why can't this jerk??? yeah....i so didn't pay off any of my outstanding balance yesterday because he was a jerk. hah. that will show him.

did i mention my jerky neighbor? he's a bully & has scared everyone here but me...him i torment by not backing down & smiling at him...makes him crazier & what can he say..i smiled?? but still it would be nice if i don't know a house fell on him or something...

that's about it for now but i reserve the right to name 3 other incidents to be named later...just because....

I have been trying to pin point anger stuff lately-- It is nearing the holidays after all and I am more jump the gun with my anger here lately and sadly my Boyfriend is the butt of it all--- I talk to him and apologize I know I am out of line with some of it- we will talk, I tell him what other things are bothering me.

I told him at the beginning of the year I am going to start deleting contacts, not due to these people (not all) are bad, but due to no one talks to me and I am finding that over months, i feel sad, angry and so one with keeping their contact information and get more upset when I try to contact them and they don't respond back.
My boyfriend said that sounds ok- I just kept saying to myself this was an emotional thing-- to which it is, but it is not an emotional out burst of just deleting everyone- it is an emotion responce that i feel left and or abandand or unwanted by these "friends" that i keep contact of.. it does make me mad, but it is ok- a part of me does understand.

I have been more than angry lately though-- I have been more emotional and cried the other day --- I think the holidays get to me and I try to ignore them but yet not ignore them but yet ignore them

My brother- I am trying best to let my anger subside to that-- I know the fear with him- I fear he will go back to jail or worse, get his job done.... I never wanted either, but ya know if he wants to continue with "falling off the face of the earth" from Everyone- and only keep contact with his bad influences-- I think I need to say - done- I am sorry, I would like to hear he is doing well- but I get too engolfed with my emotions with him- which then in ways I break down my boundaries with him even if he is not around---- due to just not able to contact.

Any ways!
Be well all!

ok-- The Dont let the thread die

--- Last night before work i was rather pissed off

being informed that men are going to have to start wearing ties at work now.. I know i am a lady so what does it matter to me.

1) we signed a packet upon being hired to this job, that had a misc of crap and dress code was in part of this packet-- business casual, and no where in the discription did it have ties for men
2) If the Supervisor is changing things to her liking-- she needs to take the steps of approval from the corporation first and the process of us all signing a packet again.
3) I think it is really unfair that they are making the med change their attire and not the women (which is my fear to three)
4) i fear this is the start of the tyrant changing how we dress and the women will be told -- be prettier and wear skirts. (supervisor has told me with in my first year of working with this corp.- "please dress more feminine and less masculine"-- any woman out there been told that? I was enraged and hurt dearly by this and it was a major trigger for me.. I was wearing slacks and button up shirts-- so I took this as she wanted me show my boobs more or something- it hurt even more that i was wearing make up when she told me this-- i don't any more- there was a meeting to follow this)
5) The Upper Management and the other Male Managers that are higher than us at the desk- DO NOT WEAR TIES- They only wear ties if the COE is coming or the upper managers having a meeting with a new customer.

My lastly thing that angered probably more than anything was that when i was disputing on this that the dress code does not state that men have to wear ties and that process would need to be put in place-- i was told by my boyfriend to not take it so personally-- I am getting VERY tired of this line from him when I am making valid points and he is either 1) afraid of something or 2) disagrees. every time I get a little hiffy with the pointing out I get told I am taking it personally
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My Fears with this:
With Work:
1) If my supervisor does not go through the process/propper channels for this change, and it DOES happen-- She is basically given power to which I do not beleive she should have-- what else will be changing per this woman's discretion? Mind you in one dept- she changes process every WEEK no joke on that- I will not put up with that chaos
2) If it Is mandatory for women to wear skirts- I feel I am losing a part of me with individuality
With my Boyfriend
1) That he just is not validating my feelings and thoughts-- Oh that damn woman takes everything personally when it is not the case. It is something I am standing up for due to it is not right in my mind...

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Solutions:
Boyfriend with validation or whatever it is that is being missed for me:

Well I was rather pissy the first few hours of my shift, I did some work
The first matter of business is that I left the house depressed and still a bit angry with my boyfriend- so I did call and talk to him
I did tell him to please stop saying that "I take everything personally when I am not"; he agrued with me on how I was taking it personally due to I got a little pissy when he wanted to get a shirt out of the dresser and basically told me move and i threw my cloths on the bed-- I told him- he said I was taking it personally prior to that happening which just made me more mad and that is why that happened there- He did say a "sorry" but this I will need to come back and talk to him on later-- Boyfrined solution is to calm down, come back and talk--- we do this a lot... I will admit I should not have gotten so pissy but at the same time, I am making valid points to this and will stand up if needed to

My Fear with it all could just be a miss understanding with me- due to my boyfriend is not like woman take this all too much and emotional .. blah blah blah like some people on both sides do with the opposite.

Solution to work:
I relaxed after being pissy and realized- It is Not Happening yet-
Yeah I played a few things out in my head, but the main thing is - if it does get put into effect, and the process are not followed I will bring in my packet that I signed, including other paper work of dress codes that are posted in the manuals and else where.
I will propose that they do it correctly and if needed to have a meeting with upper management, this due to upper management I know has told how we dress now is ok due to the offshift people have to do the shipment/receipts/dock procedures, and more of the grunt work of the job.

If it does come down to I am told I have to wear a skirt- I will be looking into if this even "ok for them mandate" and if it is, I will dispute my cases with how inappropriate it will be for women to being wearing skirts (come on, down on the ground on your knees and bent over -- really, I think that is wrong)... And worse case- I will be asking for re-placement for this is ridiculous to me.

My Fear of losing my self/my individualism
I have worn skirts to work at times when I knew i would not be doing grunt work, it was by choice and knew i was not doing grunt work, and if grunt work came about (depending on the situation, just left it for the next day when I would be wearing pants, or asked for some help).

I am not sure what to do about the fear-- I know it may sound silly to some of you but i really think by telling me to wear a certain thing is wrong-- This ofcourse if it is a uniform of the business and that is what i knew when I signed up for it- that is different

I worked at this job for a full 4 years and going on my 5th (right or is the 5th and going on my 6th?) Any ways, I have been told the past 2 years there that I have dressed fine and ok and the way that they want with my regular things... so what ever.

but yeah... will wait and see with some things-- I did take about 6 hours and did work nicely and then did what i do sometimes as it is still slow there and joked with a few coworkers-

beauflow - if I may reword what your boyfriend was maybe saying - "Don't be the Union Rep". That's what my hub told me over and over again when I got upset over stuff at work. It was a struggle for me because I care about others, but I have finally embraced the belief that the key to more calmness for me is to let those who are affected speak up. If they don't - well, maybe it isn't really important to them. Unless the men speak up and complain about wearing a tie do you really want to waste your valuable time and energy worrying and/or speaking for them?

As to dress codes - our company has one also. Lots of it doesn't even get enforced. Our dress code is issued from top management.

Perhaps your supervisor knows something that's changing in the code and she's being kind to give advance warning? Or, maybe she is trying in her own way to look more important? Or maybe she is hoping that if everyone who reports to her looks just a little more professional, the team will be viewed with higher respect? (that could work to your and your co-workers' benefit)!

Just thoughts. And, unless you work in an extremely professional position in an extremely upscale corporation - it is highly unlikely that the dress code would mandate dresses or skirts! It is doubtful that it would even be legal under current laws. I know that when the Chairman comes to visit we are given a courtesy "heads up" - but no one is told that they have to wear a tie or have to wear a skirt.

thanks for that Caretaker! I like your words better than "stop taking it personally"... I see what you are saying; if it is not directly effecting me then why start clucking..
and you would think this would benefit us but with how this place is, once you start to do something they just expect it, no raises, no real change with things.. if we all dressed nice each day, it really wouldnt matter to the customers either. Now I agree not to look like a hobo or come in in my pj's or so forth but to step it up, it will not gain much for us... If the management saw all of the team I could maybe understand it bit more, but 3 people of the team they never see, well I can add me there too, 4 people they never see for they never come in-

and yeah when the CEO and big wigs come, we get nice (well simi nice warning from my supervisor) -- She goes into the whole that we stink and stuff - she has anxiety i think so she attacks us in such times.. sigh

but I see what you and probably what my boyfriend is saying-- Don't be the rep for the others... I just figure if it comes down to me then I will be effected right ?

I'm new here and don't know if this is an ok place to share this but here goes. If there is somewhere else I should post, just let me know.
I'm having intense anger issues right now. My adult son who is living with us at the time is an obsessive person and has decided to take over my kitchen and all my containers to store his cooked food for a week. It makes me very irate and have lashed out at him several times over the course of the last few hours. I've tried my DBT skills and nothing is working.. Too late to take a walk or go to a movie to remove myself from the situation. I guess I just needed a place to vent if this is appropriate. Thanks for listening.

Blue Diamond I think this is a good place for your post-

I find it hard too when in the moment of a situation to step back at times--- But each time it happens is another thing to think back for me, and to see if perhaps what I could had done and try to take something to learn from it.

A lot of things with my boyfriend and I, we come back and talk after we both have cooled off-- Per my T she says this is good due to we come back and resolve what needs to be by talking-- I can't do this at work though, so still learning

Hopefully some one can give you some more suggestions.

Keep trying you DBT -- All is practice right, and Keep trying

Cool thread - I like it

I am for expressing anger in a healthy way and reacting to people with anger in a healthy way.

Am an angry person since I have been bottling up all my frustrations over the years [living/dealing with a mentally ill mother + dealing with the world that snobs and tease me because I have a mentally ill mother + etc ...]

A lot of memories trigger my upset button makes me very eeky. Eeky.

I feel so angry because my parents and I are so pathetic. So pitiful. All the emotions twisted and knotted together.

Hunger was my problem growing up besides having a mentally ill mother.

I told my Dad (My Dad - very small town person who thought wow when he met my mother [mentally ill] Dad did not know anything about mental illness when he married my mother. My mother came from a big boisterous family where her siblings are very well to do because they had good opportunities handed to them. They had a huge wedding. And, my mother was the most pretty person at the wedding.

ta ta ta ta - after the wedding, my Dad thought my mother's moods was very funny at first. Ya Dad, you been cheated by the whole family.

So back to hunger problem. My Dad (small town person outlook) was suddenly stuck with a very mentally ill woman with a kid (me) hello.

My earliest memories was my Mom going berzerk. Yup. Nice. She was always going berzerk.

Hunger problem - can't expect a mentally person to feed her husband and kid right?

Dad stuck with all the food business. He tried his best.

But, when I was older, Dad was getting too stressed by all the mental illness he would disappear for a long period of time. By that time, Dad has taken me away from my Mom. But my Mom will suddenly show up anytime. Mom being around does not help with the hunger problem.

So, I will be stuck on my own, scary being alone in the house. Suddenly Mom shows up. Plus with or without Mom, there is no food.

Am so angry that I had to grow up without food. So pathetic.

When my Dad was around, I told him we really need to get groceries, he will be very absent minded about groceries. And, Dad will vanish again.

So I survived on the good will of people. Some people got really tired of me hanging around for food. Like a dog waiting for left overs. Hey I was still in school.

That's me growing up. Hurray, I am grown up and whether I eat or not depends on me going to earn a living.

Angry yup. It was so unfair.

When I went out to work, I meet different people at work, they all have great families to go back to during the holidays. Eat, laugh and fight in their families. But, their family was always there for them.

But, these people I work with who have everything [family] are not nice. They will tell lies about me and make something up about me to my bosses. One of my boss is a person who has a very bad temper. She will shout at you if she thinks you have wronged her based on her understanding without having any conversation with you to clarify matters. And, these people who behave like this have money and family.

Angry yup.

Deep in my heart, I really wished I am dead.

I have to force myself to face this horrible world.

From enduring beatings from my mother, to horrible torment from my relatives, scolding from priest because he believed my mentally ill mother's lies, scolding from my grandparents when my mentally ill mother was beating me up every day after school - after I moved to live with my Dad - I had to put up with Dad's side of the family - small town people who do not understand that it is very hard on the (kid -me) to have a mentally ill mother - so they will say things like "Magrat will become like her mother" etc ... other hurtful things ...

after enduring all that and working so hard to get through school - with paper qualifications I try to survive the work place -

The work place have another problem - work place problems we all face ...

Dealing with people is the hardest thing to do.

I have to choice, I am alive (but I wish I am not) so I have to eat - have to earn a living pay all my bills etc ...

Life goes on. Very angry under all my smiles and cheerfulness. Grrr is right there. My wish is to stop feeling Grr and just feel relaxed.

i'm mainly very angry with myself.
it seems like the past two months have been full of bad news, but i somehow managed to keep myself sane at least for the most part. within the last year i got more productive and seemed to be managing my emotions fairly well, so recently i let myself get into a relationship.
being the paranoid person i am, i kept a good distance so in case it doesn't work out, the breakup wouldn't ruin me.
this week didn't seem any better as far as bad news. i found out that i might be automatically disqualified from what i really want to do (career/future). i also had a couple of other situations/problems that were no fun; and getting sick while this was happening.
the end of my week, my bf tells me he can't take the distance anymore (he was ok with it at first). so that last event brought everything down and i'm so angry at myself for letting myself go. since the breakup was the last straw it made me feel like i'm utterly depressed from it, when i know it was the other stuff.
i'm still mad at myself for: being overly confident thinking i was good, letting the breakup be the last straw, being so depressed again which causes me to be more sad about EVERYTHING including the breakup. i'm hoping this will pass soon, because i can't clean up my own mess if i make it. i've tried exercising (intensely), hung out with a couple of friends (but a lot of them are busy with school/work), and i'm keeping myself away from the mall because i'll go on a spending spree.
i'm so upset, because i know that when i'm better and more "rational" i'm gonna feel stupid for making myself be so upset about the breakup.

I express anger by saying what is on my mind, without threatening or emotionally wounding others. I try to avoid hurting peoples feelings, I guess I'm not always successful, though. I express anger by defiantly refusing to retreat into guilt and shame alone. I let me thought radiate as they are. It is my religion.

I am angry that I got my house stolen from me after trying so hard for so many years. Now I have nothing. Also angry that I can't get the proper medical treatment I need because of the economy. Angry that I let myself be taken advantage of all these years and can't seem to break the cycle. Angry that I have never gotten a break! I am angry that I was lied to from the moment I was born. I am angry that people always thought that I was lazy. I am angry that i have nothing to show for my life and I think it really does not matter in the end.....

I appreciated how someone said about how anger is in response to fear in disguise. At them moment it is so true as I am so very angry over the fear of possibly losing my income and insurance to a policy that I was not aware of and have little control over at this point. I keep ruminating on it which fuels the anger. I have been trying to remember to breathe and trying to distract from it, which only helps to a point as I keep coming back to it. I appreciate the idea of writing things out as a cathartic way to help and will work on that, as well as trying to face the fear which will also hopefully help to lessen the anger.

Thank you for this thread, Caretaker Leo, and for all the posts.

I really hope this thread continues to help others. When I started it, I made mention about the anger I was feeling at work. I wrote stuff down to get it out of my system, but didn't share my writing with others.

Writing stuff down did help me get most of my anger out of my system. It paved a way for me to eventually talk to the top boss calmly and rationally about the things that were making me feel angry.

It has taken time (a few months) but my situation at work is now taking a wonderful turn for the better!

I'm angry because my mp3 player that my mom gave me as a gift on 2007 is now irreparable because someone didn't removed it on her jacket before I put it in the washer, they now blame on that which is crap.

I'm also angry that my aunt always tells me to be a little more patient on my big sister, it's a complete crap that she's always given a chance when I'm not given just because I don't have a full-time job (just freelancing). Working around the house is the only thing I do yet I'm often scolded for being a slacker.

Then next, my things that I'm going to use on my cosplay is missing and they're not even trying to help me on looking for it. Heck I feel that they're not even supporting on it when I often support on their works.

This is the third time I've lost my post about how angry I am while linking to this. Last try.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfu...ng-with-anger/

I'm angry about my past. I'm angry I still struggle. I'm angry because some people feel they know enough about me to tell me it is all my fault and to stop blaming others for my own shortcomings. To them, "bye". you aren't welcome around me anymore.

Hi I'm so angry right now there is steam coming out of my ears lol, anyway I started my morning off with my BF in a fighting match saying I'm in a bad mood and I'm projecting it on to him and the kids. Oh I have a daughter with him and 3 other kids to my previous marrege. Okay so you understand why hear is a quick review I resemtly just found out that my BF boyfriend of 3 years is ha herion addict okay so now he detoxte and is trying to get help. Now he is on methadone I was I was reluctant to take him back, anyway so now he's been on methadone for the last four days and in those last four days he has been acting like he is coming down from being on herion this is been bothering me a lot the sweating nodding off eyes rolling in the back of his head and his excuses along tired 01 tired tired of what to do so today in the car I just blew out and I had and I told him because he kept asking what was wrong and how i felt with him being on it I don't know what to do anymore. If you need more details to fully understand why let me k ow its more complicated. This is completely not my BF ps I broke off the ingagement.

Once again I got no support from co-workers when a library patron came for the third night this week at five minutes before closing with a bag of items to return. She demanded (for the third time this week) that I check them in & tell her how many new things she could now check out.

When she came to the desk, a check of her acct showed she already had three items over the 50-item maximum. The bag she dumped at my station contained roughgly two dozen items. By now it was 8:57 pm & I had a patron behind her with one item to check out.

I told her I had accommodated her twice that week, requiring the library to remain open late & had been told by my director that site policy required closing the building on time. She began screaming & a co-worker took the scanner out of my hand and began checking her material in.

The recorded announcement played, "The library is now closed. Please exit--"

The man in line threw his book on the counter and stormed out. The woman smiled sweetly at me and somewhat leisurely selected more items, which my co-worker checked out. When she started to shut down my computer, I told her I would do it.

I stayed with the security crew while they secured and locked the building. I was too angry to drive. I sat in my truck for another quarter hour before driving home.

My anger bit me in the butt too. All that, & I guess I left my cell phone somewhere at work. Had it there, didn't have it when I got home. The staff will be there at daybreak so will find it.

I am very unhappy.

Aw Roadie, sorry your night had to end dealing with such a witch.
Starting to see a pattern... Hope you don't get flack from your director. She might have to take this woman on personally for her to get the message!!
Hope you'll get your cell phone tomorrow (well today now). Also hope you can calm down enough to get some sleep.
Take care.

I'm angry because I always get interrupted on my freelance work. They all know it's my freelancing isn't a real job. >__>

Have a safe weekend guys! (*w*)/

I'm angry because I don't give myself permission to fully express my anger.

It's so important to express anger. Many psychologies believe that depression derives from suppressed anger, so finding a release for this is all-important.

**super-tight hugs galore**

Roadie