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#1
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I have taken it on myself to identify the emotion I am really feeling as close to the moment that it is actually happening. Well, when that emotion has me in a negative mood.
I have noticed that some of my 'tear up', 'cry it out' moments are not because I am sad but that I am angry at something happening in my life. I am not normally a violent person so I feel that when I take something I own and toss it at the couch that it is better than either tossing it at something else hard or putting that force toward somehow hurting myself. Whether I am really angry at someone or myself in these moments I haven't quite worked out, could be both for all I know. All I know is that one of these days I should assert myself, speak my mind at the moment I feel should than just wait for it to pass and allow it to happen again. Part of me wants to go into further details but at the same time I think I will just let it be for now. I might go into it some more later. I read a phrase once that said, "Depression just anger without enthusiasm," and at that time it held true for me, any time I labeled my moments of feeling down as depression there almost always seemed to be anger hiding behind it, anger was the cause of my low feelings. |
![]() beauflow
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#2
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Hi --- Depression is also "anger turned inward." Probably your feelings of anger are toward yourself. I know that MY depression is mostly due to things that i've done or have NOT done, said or NOT said, etc. Before therapy, I might as well have had a tattoo on my forehead that said "Walk on me." LOL
![]() Perhaps some therapy would help you too! It sure couldn't hurt. I think EVERYONE could benefit from therapy at some point in their life. I wish you the very best. Just try to go easier on yourself, and try to forgive yourself for any past "errors" -- we all need to be less hard on ourselves. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee |
#3
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hey silver- i can relate a little to your post here. often cry when so angry. i've personally have an odd patern with it all right now. had issues with it then a time period of not to be violent but yet over time as in now i'm hittin doors again. i know my t has told me anger is a warning sign. To try to take it as that and not go to the one extreme or the other ie depression or rage. some how to stay in the annoyed grey area and take a step back then come back and resolve the issue. very hard to do in some areas in my life in the present. i seem to do it well with only my boyfriend cuz we talk a lot and even if months or a few hours after we do resolve or find a solution or more so me saying what's on my mind in a calmer manner. still a work in progress with other people and work. not sure about past issues to which i still hold anger and depression with along with confusion. some to which i don't know which is which . i hope you well.
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#4
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"Anger turned inward", "anger at self", I totally understand that as well, I am not a very assertive person, I don't like creating confrontation/conflict and I sometimes feel that 'demanding' respect is creating conflict.
In the past I have been way too quick to say 'yes' to things I haven't wanted to and it is something that I am better at. Those moments were moments that I related to being a "welcome mat" when talking things out with my friends. I feel my mentality is that the only way that others will accept me is to help them. I just recently lost a friend of 15 years because I did not respond back to them the way they felt I ought to. They may no longer want me to be a part of their life but I will still keep them in my thoughts. |
#5
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Hi Silver. I also have feels of fear, anger and frustration. However, I think most of the time it is frustration. I want to scream out and let it go but I find I cannot. I do not cry or tear up though. I have been emotionless on the outside for a long time. I do not know how to anymore.
I just wrote a letter to my counsellor and in the letter, I began by saying I don't feel anything, anymore. Meanwhile, as I wrote the letter, I noticed I had typed down many feelings at those moments mentioned. I am confused with my own emotions. I admire your determination to seek out and identify your emotions. My counsellor is trying to help me do that also. It is not easy, but I am sure you already know this. I wish you all of the success in your endeavors and I am certain others can gain from your input as well. Many hugs and good wishes for the new year coming. ![]() |
#6
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Wow Silver! I'm relating to so much of what you have written. I am trying to learn to identify the emotions I am feeling. Sometimes I don't even know what it is. I need to be much more assertive too. I am starting to work on some of this in therapy, but it is a slow process for me.
I just lost my best friend of 10 years. I did everything I could to fix the situation that began because of me. My apologies and attempts to fix things didn't work so I now have to try to move on, but it seems especially hard right now at Christmas. ![]() |
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