Emotions Have the Better of Me Right Now

I'm facing homelessness at the moment.

I have waited weeks for this housing appointment and the worker did a no show and didn't contact me until after the appointed time.

She had known all day that she had no intention of coming.

Anyway. I've wasted a few weeks on her for no good reason.

I still have four weeks before we will have to live in our car.

The cheapest rent I can find is $310pw and my income is $350pw.

This "helpful" lady on a rent line today said "You need a rental for $210pw". I thanked her for her "wisdom" and hung up.

I'll join myself and my son up at the local pool, so we can have showers. I will ask the pool if I can park in their gates grounds at night for extra security - they know and trust me. We can go to hungry jacks (burger king) or mcdonalds for wifi internet. My son will be finished at the nearby school in a few months and then he can go back to his fathers. I think I'll just go travelling, living out of my car.

There's a lot of sadness underneath these practical arrangements. I was someone so bright and indomitable - so full of promise - but got struck down by illness - and there were no public health services, no disability services, no housing services....

I feel spat out by society - sidelined like a piece of junk.

(((((Living Well)))),
Oh I am so sorry you are struggling so much, I get very upset at how hard it is for those who suffer from PTSD from a troubled past, never deserved it and society doesn't pay attention to it. I can't remember if you are physically disabled as well, but sometimes, if you can find a farm of somekind, they offer a place to live in exchange for labor, you may want to look into that. If you can find something like that you would be around animals, your son might like that too and it could be theraputic.

It is just an idea to consider.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Oh I am so sorry, You should have that women's job! I am going to be in the same place as you soon unless I find some help. And they wonder why I am depressed! You know the traveling sounds kinda fun don't know if I could go it alone though without being to fearful. I hope you find a place. I will keep you in my prayers.

THAT S*CKS!!!

That worker and the way things are, I know.

I can tell that you are not abusing anything and this is definitely wrong. You don't deserve this kind of life.

Billi

Thank you all for your heartfelt responses. I cried so much last night that I just had to stop - there was just too much emotion there. So I rang a crisis line and stayed on hold for 1 hr. I find that not knowing when someone might answer the call helps me stop crying. I drank a glass of water and focussed on my body sensations. I spoke to the guy for a little while and then had a warm milk, half a sleeping tablet and meditated. I have done up tailored meditations with my own voice (obviously) and background music. I find it very healing. So I got a few hours sleep and am better for it. I found out this morning that the real estate has double dipped on rent - taking an extra $600 from my account. I've sent them a stern email insisting on an immediate refund. Well anyway, I'm just glad I didn't stay hysterical for too long last night and managed to bring myself down. I have a couple of numbers to ring today to try to get support.

Glad to hear that news LivingWell. I was in a couple of positions at one point that parralleled your housing issues. Up and down crazy train for a few months but I managed to hang on until things worked themselves out. I've often thought I might benefit from looking into meditation or some form of relaxation. I stretch a lot [at least a 1/2 routine almost every day] and often wish I could join a yoga group to access the peace of mind meditative stuff that might go along with it. Alas the ol' social anxiety issues prevent that. Not all yoga groups cover that aspect either maybe. I'd do it for that only because I can stretch myself. I've gotten pretty in depth with it.

Livingwell, I wish I had the words that would make things magically better for you with the wave of a wand. My eyes teared up when I read your post because I could 'feel' your words and could relate to them so easily. Know you are in my thoughts during your time of struggle and always. Blessings.

It sounds you do brilliantly to work within your parameters. I got really sick and couldn't do yoga classes and I'm started to rehabilitate at home. It can be done. I do a lot of meditations and yoga off youtube. I am starting to feel proud with how I'm managing these swirlers of emotion atm.

That's so beautiful of you Spirit - just know though, I'm doing enough crying for both of us atm, okay :P. It's like my bucket of ***** has overflowed and I can't keep it in anymore. It's probably quite healing to mourn some of the horrible things that have happened to me but not let it overwhelm me either.

Things turned around a little bit today. One organisation tried to negotiate that I get to stay with my real estate. It's worth a shot, even thou I tried to do that myself a month ago unsuccessfully. Another organisation invited me in to help me prepare a dispute resolution application against the real estate. I felt so powerless and fearful last night. I still feel pretty emotional, but these two more strategies are keeping me a little less hysterical atm. I feel like a real drip, but at least I can understand it is a case of the accumulative effect - and probably my meds not working as well as they should.

Thanks again guys. I appreciate your responses. Your warm has been felt

It's nice to hear that you have a few people out there trying to help you with a place to live. Some people say one day at a time; sometimes though, we have to break it down to not only one hour at a time, but one minute at a time. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes that's all it takes to move us forward. ((((hugs)))

Something beautiful happened to me this morning. My neighbours collected my garden waste and took it to the dump. I've bought them a card with scratchies to thank them for their random act of kindness. I really need to focus on these experiences - as they are the perfect antedote to that deep accumulated pain I feel about being victimised by less scrupulous people. Last week, someone I don't even know gave me an ebook they knew I wanted. And then there's you guys would guide and encourage me - I've got quite a few blessings to count. Thank you x

That sounds great I can't guide you and I'm not really sure how to encourage you but I've been trying to think of something. Best I can do for now.
How long might the two processes you mentioned earlier take to be decided? And does the process allow for you too remain there until the dispute/issue is settled?

Hi George Good to see you

We sent in the dispute resolution today and they will contact the Real Estate in the next few days. The issues raised was rent rise being inappropriate due to inadequate maintenance on the property for 18 mths. I have already breached the real estate on the maintenance issues. I haven't technically breached them on the billing issues but the tenancy advice service say I have more detailed evidence in my emails than a breach would have provided any way. They drew up a letter to ask for the direct debits to be stopped if the rent is not kept at it's current level. (The real estate have 4 weeks in advance and are are double dipping on the rent they are taking out of my account). I have asked for an immediate refund of the surplus rent taken from my account. I have to provide "An Intention to Leave" notice if the issue isn't resolved within 2 weeks. I went to the Dpt Housing and couldn't believe how thoughtless the woman was about families facing homelessness. I can understand getting desensitised, I understand services are maxed out overwhelmed but she was positively obstructive with me accessing the services I qualify for within the Dept. I had to keep asking for services I knew they provided - and other customers were giving me tips on how to get access them. I felt good that I had some really good info from the tenancy service, that really helped them too. It was another positive situation. These types of experiences are all good for me. I came home and slept for a few hours because activity depletes me beyond my reserves. I'll provide more evidence to the tenancy worker of what I've done so far and update the organisations involved. I feel supported now, which is one good thing. Realistically I am aware that homelessness is more likely the outcome than not, but the fact that organisations have come in and provided pragmatic assistance in the last couple of days elevates my chances of a good outcome. Thanks Guys x

Hmmm...that sounds like a bureaucratic cluster...mess. Just one more question...about this
After that notice is filed how long do you get to stay before you have to leave. I'm wondering how they can debit your acct for a larger sum than they are authorized to debit. That sounds like a criminal matter. It seems like a government agency would want to look into that.
I'm glad that you aren't letting this get you down too bad. Your strength is a definite asset there. Stay tough

Hey, it is a two week intention to leave notice. I am 4 weeks out so I issue it in 2 weeks being notice to vacate in a further 2 weeks time. I see my pdoc tomorrow. I'm going to suggest we lower my mood stabilisers so that I can have a bit of hypermania get me through. Mood stabilisers only treat hypermania not depression in me. I might be a psycho lady off them but at least I will have energy, clear thoughts and strong, positive mood. We'd have to up my antidepressants to bring on a hypomania. Thanks George - I like your quote... it's a tough choice for a sensitive person like me lol Hugs

Okay, I think I understand. I just have a hard time accepting that system. It seems like there should be a possible outcome where you get to stay where you are if you would like to do that.
That's pretty cool the way you have that med manipulation worked out. I'll keep watching this and hope there is a good resolution

Hello Livingwell Just reviewing some posts and am so glad to hear how things are evolving. Best wishes to you always...you are strong...don't doubt that.

Hi All, turns out I'm still delirious from my moodstabilisers, so they have been lowered anyway, and my pdoc has upped my ptsd meds just for a couple of days and then we will up my a/d's for a couple of days to try and pull me out of this dip without getting too delirious, as I would do if I stayed on those higher doses any longer. My beautiful son is going through a challenging stage and is being challenging at the moment - I see puberty as a short term bipolar lol. (He could also be bipolar too though). We had ANOTHER fantastic thing happen to us today!!!! I feel guilty for being mentally ill with all these thoughtful things that people have done for us this week. An organisation rang us this afternoon and told me they had paid the remainder of my son's school fees for the year!!! (about $300). I put my son on to thank them too . I don't know why so many amazing things are happening this week but I'm so glad they are. It is a time for help - because my resilience feels a bit exhausted right atm... I'll pick up again and so will my staunch independence and pride that is my biggest strength and my greatest weakness xxx

Livingwell, Just a great big to let you know I'm keeping up with you and your situation. Your wonderfully positive attitude is such an inspiration, especially in light of your current challenges. Keep smiling and BELIEVING. There are many that care.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties with DOH (which state are you in?). It's great to hear that you're still experiencing positives and have support in other ways. Keep hanging in there! *big hugs*

The Red Cross came to see me and identified I needed more counselling. It doesn't help that my psychology appts are on hold atm because of a medicare glitche. I've rung them to try to get it sorted out - they are calling back. They ended up calling me in even though they won't get paid for awhile. My pdoc called while I was in my session and told me she wanted me to go to emergency because my liver and kidneys re failing. My tdoc offered to drive me and is about to pick me up. How many good things can someone have happen in a week! I am gobsmacked! I'm hoping they don't keep me in - or failing that - don't keep me in too long. If I'm quiet here - don't worry - I'm in good hands, looking after my liver and kidneys Hugs all, Have a great long weekend, those who are having them! Love, Jade xxx

I'm back home

Great news I'm guessing they did tests with immediate results and tests that they'll get to you on.? Take care and tell us more when and if you want

they are disputing my doctors interpretation of the blood work and dx'd me with diabetes and a Urinary Tract Infection instead. Also, what my doc regards as delirium, they say is cognitive confusion created by depression and medication side effects... but when I started talking metabolic pathways with the er doctor her eyes glazed over and I got the sense that she had missed that class at med school. She said that she was only interested in the structure of the organ, not its functioning. (I look good but haven't worked in a decade - so all must be okay on the employment front with that logic hahaha). I have to keep having full bloods each week for the next few weeks.

I'm really enjoying Anne Dreveson's book Resilience (2003), some simple gems:
It's not rocket science but it help me refocus on what is important and help get me to acknowledge my traumas without being consumed by them. - Now I think of it, I might put it on my PTSD thread. Thanks George - I hope you are having a joyful, connected weekend Hugs back

Wow I have to say that you exhibit an insurmountable amount of strength! Good for you! Keep moving and keep that head up! Keep us updated!

Thanks Trish. I have more good stuff to talk about re the hospital funnily enough. There were 5 of us who struck up this amazing conversation and we were laughing and joking. It was a Friday night and with 4 serious car accident victims before us we knew it was going to be a long one. The nurse was very apologetic for the long wait ahead of us. I told her it was okay, I'd rather be in my position than their position! The five of us in emergency had so many interesting tales to tell about our travel and living experiences in all corners of the globe. I was called first and they were so warm to me in my parting, it was lovely. The medical staff were lovely and the psych staff were predictably miserable and within 6 hours I was allowed to go home. But the intake officer who assured me I would be put in a cab to go home had finished her shift. I negotiated that I would be allowed to sit in the waiting room until first light and walk to the train station. I reminded myself I was safe and not in any gulag. I told myself I was on a very quiet flight to Europe with excellent leg room . I got 4 hours sleep and rested for another 3 hours. I went to the parents room to get changed in fresh clothes, brush my teeth, wash my face (much more room to change than any other plane I've been on! hahaha). I didn't want to ask for a cup of tea because i felt I would feel angry if they said no. I told myself that by not asking I would guarantee not getting what I wanted. I said to the receptionist. As you know I've been here for over 12 hours. I haven't had anything to eat or drink and I'd really love a cup of tea before I set off for my walk to the train station. She cheerfully asked how I have my tea and gave me some biscuits as well! I felt really grateful - and told her so after I was finished and headed out to find the station. It reminded me of walking around London as a backpacker trying to find St Pancreas station at first light - and I feel really happy inside, remembering that special time in my life. I slept on an off yesterday and slept for 12 hours last night to make up. I'm still taking it easy because I know I have been through an upheaval with my sleep and need to find equilibrium again.