[cypress dreams]

I'm talking a general day, not working, no stressors, no triggers, just all of the sudden.

When I introduced myself last night, I never discussed anything about what has produced a giant tear duct of a woman... guess I'll give it a try.

Alki, KKK father, tried to kill mother when I was five (rifle), married my half sister; brother abusive toward me until my mom made him move out when I started my period. Told all my life by good ol' mum, my father had abused me until heavy stress of a divorce lead my therapist and my dreams to realize all the time it was my brother. Twisted memories made me feel completely crazed. Pill popping mom; another sister that addicted to pills due to severe physical handicap; My family disowned me once I wanted to discuss the childhood abuse.

I've beaten down the behaviors of drug abuse, vodka, and self-abuse through codependency on bullies and such in my life, and now I feel pretty alone. I've accepted my behavior as an adult caused more trauma, like being sexually assaulted and getting into fights when I was young. Now I'm 39.

I tend to stay home mostly because I just don't feel safe anymore. When I do go out, I have to sit in a certain place, and if rowdy people enter, I must exit. I've ran away from my problems and everyone wanted to BE me, and now that I've faced my problems, I'm a leper? doesn't seem even mildly fair.

I've spent the last 8 yrs as a teacher for at risk youth, but the physical nature of these kids is just too much for me. I'm looking for work in prisons and such, addresses safety issue but not the daily crying issues, trouble sleeping, etc.

Ok. I guess that's about all I have in my head right now. Thks for reading. cheers, Cypress Dreams

[gma45]

Hi Glad you are here Cypress Dreams. I just read your post and sound like you have been though much more than one person should have too in a life time, Sorry. Thank you for sharing though, sometimes it is good just to get it out. I know I am working on that! I have been in a depressed mode lately and do catch myself just crying, I think in my case it has to do with being depressed but I do think there are triggers, nothing major just get some silly thought in my head and here comes the tears. I come on here a lot because it does make me feel better. I wish you the best. You are not alone.

[Puffyprue]

To Answer your question, i cried few times a day ..mostly when iam alone i will cry and then when i have to face people i put a happy face and the when iam alone i will cry again ...iam crazy i guess

i sympathized with your life story

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((cypress dreams))))

I am sorry you have been through so much and that you feel so alone. I validate how you feel and I hope that you find encouragement and support here. I do hear you and yes, I cry more than once a day. I hide away and paint on a face for the world around me but when I am alone the tears fall without warning and at times at the drop of a hat.

Writing helps me to get it out but most of the time it is hard to see through the tears that fall. For so long I never cried, not real tears anyway, but it seems that as I have begun to face what I pushed away and blocked out for years, the tears were really there just being held back as it was never safe to cry or have any emotion. Sometimes the tears and emotions really scare me and I fear if anyone knows I will be in trouble.

Please keep reaching out and know that we are listening and care. You are not alone. Sending you gentle hugs if okay.

dps

I empathize with your life story and am sorry that you had to endure such things as a child

I definitely do cry more than once a day. When I was dating in 2008, I would spontaneously cry almost anywhere – coffee shops, basements, camping, bookstores, etc. - because there is so much hurt and sadness in me, and to have had it repressed for so long, I suppose this is a natural reaction. Other times I feel so incredibly hopeless about everything and feel I have no other method of expressing such hopelessness and pain.

You can always message me ((((Hugs)))))

(And that was a beautiful post, DPS)

Mr. Venomous.

Not every day, but I'll have episodes where I want to cry out of nowhere, for no reason, with no trigger.

And I sympathize especially to the family-disowning once I began to talk about the child abuse. My family was a bit more sneaky about it. I told them exactly what I needed from them, they blatantly and purposefully refused to do that, and then sat back and waited for me to go NC (No Contact) with them on the advice of my therapist. That way, they can tell everybody I disowned them, not the other way around.

[Moodysmood]

Yes, sometimes when I think too much. I will drive myself to tears and maybe I am listening to music and there's something that impacts me about the song, sometimes I cannot stop crying and feeling so hateful toward myself. It's a mass on top of something that's already about to blow... I don't ever cry in front of anyone. I try very hard not to. I mainly look emotionless or I might smile to be polite.

I can't imagine your situation, Cypress Dreams. I know it's a personal battle for all of us and I have missed having someone to talk to when I feel this low, which for me personally has been for a little while and I have been trying to deal with it on my own.

[doggiedo]

It sounds like you have a lot of emotions inside of you, which is understandable because of your past (sending you hugs). My mom suffers from severe depression and she cries several times a day. Some is because of her issues she's dealing with and other times she cries because she feels bad for the homeless, less fortunate, sad movies, etc...she's working with a doc now to see if a mood stabilizer might help.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Originally Posted by cypress dreams

I'm talking a general day, not working, no stressors, no triggers, just all of the sudden.

When I introduced myself last night, I never discussed anything about what has produced a giant tear duct of a woman... guess I'll give it a try.

Alki, KKK father, tried to kill mother when I was five (rifle), married my half sister; brother abusive toward me until my mom made him move out when I started my period. Told all my life by good ol' mum, my father had abused me until heavy stress of a divorce lead my therapist and my dreams to realize all the time it was my brother. Twisted memories made me feel completely crazed. Pill popping mom; another sister that addicted to pills due to severe physical handicap; My family disowned me once I wanted to discuss the childhood abuse.

I've beaten down the behaviors of drug abuse, vodka, and self-abuse through codependency on bullies and such in my life, and now I feel pretty alone. I've accepted my behavior as an adult caused more trauma, like being sexually assaulted and getting into fights when I was young. Now I'm 39.

I tend to stay home mostly because I just don't feel safe anymore. When I do go out, I have to sit in a certain place, and if rowdy people enter, I must exit. I've ran away from my problems and everyone wanted to BE me, and now that I've faced my problems, I'm a leper? doesn't seem even mildly fair.

I've spent the last 8 yrs as a teacher for at risk youth, but the physical nature of these kids is just too much for me. I'm looking for work in prisons and such, addresses safety issue but not the daily crying issues, trouble sleeping, etc.

Ok. I guess that's about all I have in my head right now. Thks for reading. cheers, Cypress Dreams

i wish i cried every day. i may regret saying that though. good luck

[BuzzLighyear]

I cry all the time, I don't even remember the last day where I didn't cry! Usually its people or situations that make me cry and I seem to make the situation worse by listening to the **** I head in my head.

Anyone else get that?