[PsychiatricEnigma]

Hey, I've been having this problem for quite a few years now with being very 'fragile' emotionally. By fragile I mean when the tiniest thing upsets or disappoints me it has me in tears and sends me into all sorts of thoughts of despair and suicide, the same happens when I'm lying in bed and can't sleep and get thinking of my life. I can hide it very well since I'm not the type that bawls my eyes out and I usually go to bed, so nobody notices, but it bothers me.

It happens over the most minor and stupid things, like a minor argument with a friend or a family member or even once someone on an online game had a go at me. It doesn't/shouldn't bother me, but it depresses me deeply and has me in tears. The first time I remember it happening was when I was 15 (19 now) and working in a warehouse, I was partnered with this Polish lady who I got along well with, well once I got some order wrong and when she pointed this out to me (friendly and all) I just got really upset over it and wanted to die. But then I was very thick-skinned to bullying and verbal/mental abuse (and yes some kids said very spiteful/nasty things) at school. It hurt inside, but for whatever reason, it just could never reduce me to tears. I always had a 'barrier' up against doing that.

Obviously it's not just the tears that are worrying, but the horrid (suicide methods, writing a suicide note, what life would be like if I was gone, etc) thoughts that come into my head. I'm just not sure if this is normal or what, or if it has a name of some kind? What is it?

Another thing is I'm able to snap out of it after an hour or something and I feel really fine sometimes, once or twice even somewhat euphoric for a while. This is happening quite a lot lately, hence I'm asking now..

[PsychiatricEnigma]

Uh, anyone... ?

[catesfate]

hi-i think it's normal for those of us that have depression and anxiety, for sure!

[bohogypsy]

Hi,

Minor things do add up and can turn into something big. Even if the criticism didn't bring you to tears when you were in school it still seems to have affected you on a deep level. You were able to keep up a pretense. So all those things add up and lead to a progressive grating away at your sense of self. Did you ever stand up for yourself? do you consider yourself an assertive person or do you lack those skills? Do you notice a pattern with your 'triggers'. Also, what it is about your life that upsets you when you self-reflect? I'd say you've become quite over-sensitised (hypersensitive), so the littlest things do feel big. I'd say the thoughts of suicide reflect despair or hopelessness...expectations not matching reality. And a lack of coping skills. I would think that the mood fluctuations are normal. Do you tend to feel low only when you're in those situations or self-reflecting? otherwise (the rest of the time) you're able to distract yourself? do you feel any anxiety/fear at all?

Bigs Hugs to you xx

[Leed]

Seems to be that alot of this has to do with low self esteem. Have you considered seeing a therapist? Have you ever been in therapy or are you now?

If you're NOT in therapy now, I'd suggest making an appointment with a good therapist, and seeing what's behind all this. I'm sure it would help you -- I know therapy has helped me immensely, and I've been in it off and off most of my adult life.

Best of luck and keep us posted, ok? Hugs, Lee

[PsychiatricEnigma]

Thank you so much for the replies.

Hi,

Minor things do add up and can turn into something big. Even if the criticism didn't bring you to tears when you were in school it still seems to have affected you on a deep level. You were able to keep up a pretense. So all those things add up and lead to a progressive grating away at your sense of self. Did you ever stand up for yourself? do you consider yourself an assertive person or do you lack those skills? Do you notice a pattern with your 'triggers'. Also, what it is about your life that upsets you when you self-reflect? I'd say you've become quite over-sensitised (hypersensitive), so the littlest things do feel big. I'd say the thoughts of suicide reflect despair or hopelessness...expectations not matching reality. And a lack of coping skills. I would think that the mood fluctuations are normal. Do you tend to feel low only when you're in those situations or self-reflecting? otherwise (the rest of the time) you're able to distract yourself? do you feel any anxiety/fear at all?

Bigs Hugs to you xx

No, I seldom ever stood up for myself. I used to just take it, I'd go into a kind of "fight or flight" sort of anxiety response and I would be too overwhelmed to say or do anything back except if I was physically attacked (which was fairly rare). I was also very self-conscious of the fact I was being shown up around others like bystanders. I still get anxious around high school aged kids now though I'm 19. I feel as if they are going to do something to me or say something nasty, when they laugh behind me, I feel it's about me. Having my iPod and blocking out outside sounds helps with this, especially.

No I'm not an assertive person at all, I try to be, but I'm very passive, the girl in the background kind of thing. To friends I sometimes come across as assertive I think, but to general people I come across as shy. I am always trying to figure out what people think. As for my life, well since finishing school in 2009, the last 3 years have been a bit of a hopeless wreck of unemployment and disappointment. I suffered something traumatic re: a guy I met through a friend just before I turned 17 (which I try to pretend never happened or acknowledge) and I've gained lots of weight since then and I just generally feel like a fat mess and useless. My mind spends a lot of time analysing the past. I feel both low in those situations and self-reflecting, I just go into tears and the thoughts flood in.

I had stopped self-harming in Feb 2011, but on May 24th during one of those 'meltdowns' I started again, so I think it might my mind getting worse. I think you're absolutely right though, I am hypersensitive. Thanks.

Seems to be that alot of this has to do with low self esteem. Have you considered seeing a therapist? Have you ever been in therapy or are you now?

If you're NOT in therapy now, I'd suggest making an appointment with a good therapist, and seeing what's behind all this. I'm sure it would help you -- I know therapy has helped me immensely, and I've been in it off and off most of my adult life.

Best of luck and keep us posted, ok? Hugs, Lee

I used to have a sort of mental health support team (psychiatrist etc) because I was on a mood stabiliser in 2010/early 2011 which I got taken off. I saw therapists etc through a charity I was referred to, she was nice, but she wasn't very helpful long term. I was supposed to get CBT last year, but the assessor lady reckoned I was unsuitable for it (my "problem was more psychiatric" whatever that meant), I discharged myself from the whole lot of professionals though, I felt they couldn't help me and they haven't chased me up since I haven't had any 'episodes' since June last year where I got drunk and told police/hospital I was suicidal.

Maybe a counsellor would be good, I'm not sure, but too many of them seem to be trying to get me on meds which I'm untrustworthy of and are unhelpful really.

Thanks for your reply.

[tohelpafriend]

Originally Posted by PsychiatricEnigma

Uh, anyone... ?

Thank you so much for your post, and I could well relate to some of the emotional outbursts I've had recently over nothing, but also some great
emotional pain over sensitivity to others, and their comments. I think it could be an esteem issue, as I focus on a specific, because although
I'd like to confront/clarify/and regroup sometimes with a friend or relative, usually I avoid because either I think I've been too sensitive,
or because I just do not have a behavioral pattern of the skills of confrontation. Boundaries I can do, but confrontation almost always
places the other party in defense or defiance, as most people don't want to look at their under the rock side or offenses of their own.. It's a fine line, really, of not being judgmental or overly thoughtful on a subject, person or conversation/comment, but to let it go sometimes and insight comes. On the other hand, I'm finding that if too many "unconfronted" issues or offenses pile up, it effects my confidence level,, which is usually high. I try to treat people fairly so things don't come back to hit me; but then I understand from some of these posts that mood changes and/or
depression can result if we do not resolve things as they happen. It is a skill I'm working at; if anyone has any expertise in this area, I'd love to
hear it......we work at DBT in T, atm, where objectivity in relationships is stressed; i think when i can see a person objectively and understand they are dealing with their own issues and defenses, I can better control my own reactions and take responsibility for myself.. It's about choosing battles and preferring peace, for me, atm......

[PsychiatricEnigma]

Originally Posted by tohelpafriend

Thank you so much for your post, and I could well relate to some of the emotional outbursts I've had recently over nothing, but also some great
emotional pain over sensitivity to others, and their comments. I think it could be an esteem issue, as I focus on a specific, because although
I'd like to confront/clarify/and regroup sometimes with a friend or relative, usually I avoid because either I think I've been too sensitive,
or because I just do not have a behavioral pattern of the skills of confrontation. Boundaries I can do, but confrontation almost always
places the other party in defense or defiance, as most people don't want to look at their under the rock side or offenses of their own.. It's a fine line, really, of not being judgmental or overly thoughtful on a subject, person or conversation/comment, but to let it go sometimes and insight comes. On the other hand, I'm finding that if too many "unconfronted" issues or offenses pile up, it effects my confidence level,, which is usually high. I try to treat people fairly so things don't come back to hit me; but then I understand from some of these posts that mood changes and/or
depression can result if we do not resolve things as they happen. It is a skill I'm working at; if anyone has any expertise in this area, I'd love to
hear it......we work at DBT in T, atm, where objectivity in relationships is stressed; i think when i can see a person objectively and understand they are dealing with their own issues and defenses, I can better control my own reactions and take responsibility for myself.. It's about choosing battles and preferring peace, for me, atm......

Thanks for that.

I am very self-conscious and sensitive in the way that I'm too concerned what other people think. I am never outgoing or the type that "makes conversation", say in shops with the cashier or whoever, I am just polite when they are polite to me and I never speak to people unless they speak to me first unless I know them and I'm 100% comfortable. It's because it would literally ruin my day (as pathetic as that sounds) to have someone ignore me.

However, what.

[Mindinpieces]

I just thought of something I picked up from therapy. However I am not sure if I got this right to begin with. It sometimes takes a while when you are dealing with situations or thoughts or feelings or physical sensations to be able to work through them. What I mean by this is no one no matter how well they control their emotions or the way in which situations have an effect on themselves they also have a hard time working through things. It can take hours or minutes or even days after, to be able to handle the situation or react or just go with your emotions in the situation anyone finds themselves in.

However if someone is overwhelmed and doesn’t have the right tools, so to speak. It’s easy for the unwanted thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions to take over, these can easily at those moments and times in peoples life’s seem like reasonable solutions. Of course this should never be the case for anyone, to feel this way or react and take action when they find themselves feeling and thinking in such a way, but we are only human.

You can in time and with the right help learn to be able to notice when and what(triggers) has that unwanted effect on you and how to better go about those situation, feelings to change the outcome and the way in which you live your life. This is not easy. I am no way saying this works for everyone or all the time. The therapy and techniques have worked for myself in a few times and situations but never had a big enough impact to sort my life out or completely break some unwanted thinking patterns or feelings. This can sometimes cause more hurt and pain to have to work through just what it is that makes you react in such a strong and unwanted way.

However it is better to find and try and seek out the right help to support you and work with you. It will take time maybe even years. However this will be different person to person. It took me 6 years to finally be able to do something’s but at the same time I have new things to work through. The unwanted or even new unwanted thoughts will happen time and time again with different situation throughout everyone’s life. However to learn some techniques is always a good thing. Even if they seem like they don’t work or help at this present time you may be surprise just how they have indirectly had an impact on you.

When you’re ready you can learn how to overcome and ease your emotions and work through situations you thought you never be able to overcome or react any differently to, of course it’s a trial and error thing but nothing is ever an error in the sense of you are wrong or not worthy. It will just be an error as in what works for one person may not work for another person. Of course there will be a way or technique out there that can work for you, you will find or learn what that is in time. Sorry if I have gone on a bit and if this wasn’t helpful. I will be wishing you all the best.

[aiv713]

I completely understand how you feel. I've been there and am there often now. I'm seeing a therapist and it is helping, but I've found the most help here. Just knowing I'm not alone, makes a world of difference. I try to find something in every situation to be positive about. It is extremely hard at times, but it is working slowly.

Best of luck to you

[yellowted]

like aiv713 i too have been there, and in fact am there right now. I have no emotional support at all except from people on this site. looking at the positives or beyond the here and now do help, but there are still times when curling up on my bed with a big soft duvet and cuddly Snowman and just letting the tears flow is the only relief. I used to fight it, hide my feelings even from myself, but a wise therapist once told me that if i feel something it is because i need it, so go with it, accept it is a part of you that needs a bit of TLC (tender loving care). there is nothing wrong in crying when you need to. one thing is for sure when you do not need to you won't!