Uncontrolable anger..

UGHHHH I AM GOING CRAZY. I let my anger and sadness get to me. I feel so stupid. My brother lashed out on me calling me stupid ***** and a piece of **** and was throwing things at me and threatening to kill me saying I was lucky I was his sister or he'd slice my throat open and stuff. I freaked out and starting crying and screaming and slapping and hitting myself..with books against walls and with my hands. How do I control this anger? Ugh why can't I just die.

Are you alone with him a lot? Has this been going on for a long time? Is there anyone in the family that would protect you? If not you need to find someone outside the family, like a guidance counselor or a pastor who can get some help for you. You shouldn't think you've done something wrong, what's being done to you is wrong and it's unsafe. Are you a minor? I think you may need an adult to help with going to the police, not sure about that.

Yes I am alone with him alot and no I have no protectant.. And I think I am going to the police next time..sick of him. I'm getting his *** thrown in jail the next because it's been like this for years. He's physically abused my sister before.. My mom continue to protects him not giving him any type of consequence for his actions. Yes I'm a minor.. I'm 15 and he's 22.

((F0rever-unhappy))
I know this may not mean a lot, but by hurting yourself does nothing for improvement.

It sounds like your mom is ignorning the problem as well.....

Do you by chance have councils at your school that you attend that you could go to?
I know when I was in school- I never dreamed of talking to one, but I think that was a flaw with in myself-- so I would encourage you to.

Police may be able to do something if something is happening, sibling stuff is hard-- Or at least in the '90's it was-- My brothers used to have blood bashes with trying to kill each other physically with fighting and throwing chairs-- once a while they got arrested for domestic violence... or going at the cop when they arrived. nice memories, BUT that is not to Discourage you from calling the police-- but just saying if it does not have the out come that is wished for-- Continue please to take care of yourself.


The self harm to yourself, freaking out, the angry with it all.....


Trigger due to self harm


One time my brother started with down grading me, calling me things, it is all my fault as usual, I am the problem-- I make him get so mad-- blah blah blah blah--- I was a stuck up lil b, and so on-- He used to use a lot of projection- things that were really in him that he blamed on me, horrible things--- Well one day I was so angry I threw some things, then I got out my knife and sliced up arms due to so upset- he had made me so uspet with helping ME believing that I was worthless.... As I walked to the bath room to clean up some of the blood off me- he saw, he just got so much more angry and started with name calling again and that "i needed serious help" but in that mean way not supportive way.. For me it was twisting thinking-- I could not do anything about his anger, I was so hurt and he tore me down really good that day and I wanted to die due to I was starting to believe him, he scared me, he still scares me, harming myself,

as I look back on it a from years ago-- I was just hurting me.... I was not hurting him- sadly with my brother this just gave him more power- in the sense that he HAD touched that soft spot in me and he knew he could attack it.. he did many times after- but I stood up more with knowing what he was doing was his problems really, his projecting things onto me-- cutting myself was a part of a control thing with me as well-- but over time, I really learned, I can control more with not being so hurtful to myself.

With that being said-- I know in the MOMENT is So damn hard to sit and count to 10 to calm down, It is so hard sometimes to say- I am leaving this fight, and walking out the door when he starts up with a fight-- BUT It Does Get Easier at times --- and when you get old enough you can leave, you don't have to live with him any more which may help with fighting...

I am not sure if any of this is helpful but I do wish you to find some out side help--- even a simply a friend perhaps to go talk to, some one at school, or something.

Many well wishes your way.....

((((F0everunhappy)))),

You need to keep a cell phone or something on you at all times so you can get him threatening you recorded.

I am so sorry, I know how this feels because I had to deal with this kind of issue even when I was a toddler, and was helpless. There is definitely something wrong with your brother and the way he conveys graffic ways of how he would harm you is important to document. You need to find ways to be away from him as much as you can. That is what I did for years. And I know, it is a challenge to do that. Find friends that you can have sleep overs with, find things to do after school, keep track of his schedule and when you are most likely to have to be alone with him, and find ways for that "not" to happen. Also, you must tell the councelor at school.

Yes, I can relate to the anger you are sharing here, I had that too because I was afraid of my brother and very aware of my inablility to physically fend him off and how he kept gaining access to my psychologically to where I could not seem to defend myself with my "witts". I can still clearly remember the interal battle I had with anger and fear and sense of helplessness. And that is how "victims" feel. So you have to reach out for help.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

Are you able to get a job yet? How old is your sister? Is she younger than you? In Florida it required someone who was not a minor to file a complaint with the police. Not sure what the rules are in Texas. Would you want to be removed from the home? The fact that your Mom knows and does nothing to protect you and your sister would be considered neglect I think. I think that the school guidance counsellor would be able to help you with that if you explained the situation. Your brother sounds like he should be in inpatient care somewhere. I was afraid of my older brother and would leave the house to avoid him.

My sister is 20 and no I'm unemployed but seeking. A lot. I just want him to learn to control his anger, it seems impossible.

Your brother will not learn to "control" his anger unless he gets therapy to help him understand "what his anger is about" and there is usually something that he never got validated for and because of that he is angry at "everyone".

You need to find a way to get yourself out of his path of anger. I had to learn how to do that myself with my brother somehow. And I did see some of the reasons "why" he was angry so I WAS always very frightened.

Open Eyes

As an 'ex-anger mismanager' I can agree with Open Eyes - even if there is no discernable 'trigger' for the anger, speaking about it and learning to manage it really improves quality of life.

These emotions are harsh, and especially unpleasant to you, but imagine how terrible it must feel to have emotions like that storming around inside you all the time?

I used to get a high pitched ringing in my ears and a flashing light behind my eyes, and once they subsided, I'd already said far too much/done too much (I was never violent though, thankfully - except for this one time I threw a broom at a window. It didn't break!)

I know it can seem really unfair to both be the victim AND the one whose supposed to help him, but if you can find the energy to (and you succeed) - its probably the nicest way it could turn out.

Thanks for sharing, and good luck. Stay safe.

I think it's too much to hang on a 15 year old to expect you to be the one to help him. He sounds dangerous to me. Understanding the source of his problems would not require you to stand in his violent path. I hope at some point you and your sister can get out of there and maybe get a place together or find some other extended family member that will help. Thinking of you and hoping you're alright. Prayers for your safety!

The worst thing you can do, is self harm I am speaking from experience,

It can come at all forms from physically hurting yourself to substance abuse.

If you feel that way, try and post here instead.