[indigo1015]

I have a real problem, and I don't know what to do about it. The fact of the matter is, I hate people. REALLY hate people. You honestly can't imagine just how much I hate them. I suppose I have for at least the past 10 years, although I am noticing this rage and hatred inside me more and more these days. It scares me quite a lot. I know I need to do something about it, but I have tried lots of different things, and I always wind back up exactly where I started. I tried exercising, I've tried keeping a diary, I've tried "thinking positively" (whatever that actually means), and yes, I have seen a therapist about it. The exercise was overly time-consuming and gave me injuries, the diary was good short-term, but doesn't seem to have helped in the long run, and seeing the therapist was a disaster. My therapist was very much a "yes" person - she pretty much wanted me to lie about how I feel to my friends and loved ones, so as not to invoke negativity, and to be a total pushover, even when I am wronged or hurt. Now, I fully realize my way of doing things is wrong, but I am no pushover, nor could I ever be one. Surely, there must be a happy medium in between???

I've been trying to analyze what provokes this anger and hatred towards Homo sapiens, and to understand the process I go through when I feel this way. I think there are some definite trends - the first is that I always feel people misunderstand me, sometimes even deliberately (meaning, they know that their assumptions about me are wrong, yet they choose to believe and spread them anyway). Also, I feel that people ignore me - again, this sometimes comes over as being deliberate. I also feel very hurt still from the days when I was bullied/teased/abused/neglected by everyone, including my parents. All in all, this brings me to the place in which I always find myself - with the belief that people are stupid, hurtful, selfish, arrogant, and oblivious to the needs of others. After I have this rage, inevitably, there is remorse and sadness, and physical exhaustion.

I am about to start a new chapter in my life - I am leaving the East and am going out to Colorado to live and work, in early January. I am excited that I will be on my own again and in a state that I love, yet I am also very worried. Seriously, I want to turn over a new leaf, I want to be better and feel better. But I feel that I am in such a rut with this rage about people, and that I can't get out of it. I have no idea what to do, and am very scared...

[Anika.]

Do you feel you are stupid, hurtful, selfish, arrogant, and oblivious to the needs of others? It's an honest question.

[layla11]

Hi Indigo1015, I am glad your moving and starting a new life, I wish you the best. You have a right to be angry when some people have hurt you so bad and yes some of will, but not all of them are like that, I just don't think you've met the kinder people. After you move take your time and meet some new people take notice of how they act initially and how you feel, if you feel bad about them then stay away from them, then move on to someone else see how you feel around them and so on. Maybe doing something you enjoy, or volunteering somewhere. Me, I like animals and can relate to animal lovers. This was a long hard struggle for me, so I can relate. You don't have to be afraid, if your angry thats okay you have a right to all your feelings. It will be okay.

[gabmux]

Originally Posted by indigo1015

I have a real problem, and I don't know what to do about it. The fact of the matter is, I hate people. REALLY hate people. You honestly can't imagine just how much I hate them. I suppose I have for at least the past 10 years, although I am noticing this rage and hatred inside me more and more these days. It scares me quite a lot. I know I need to do something about it, but I have tried lots of different things, and I always wind back up exactly where I started. I tried exercising, I've tried keeping a diary, I've tried "thinking positively" (whatever that actually means), and yes, I have seen a therapist about it. The exercise was overly time-consuming and gave me injuries, the diary was good short-term, but doesn't seem to have helped in the long run, and seeing the therapist was a disaster. My therapist was very much a "yes" person - she pretty much wanted me to lie about how I feel to my friends and loved ones, so as not to invoke negativity, and to be a total pushover, even when I am wronged or hurt. Now, I fully realize my way of doing things is wrong, but I am no pushover, nor could I ever be one. Surely, there must be a happy medium in between???

I've been trying to analyze what provokes this anger and hatred towards Homo sapiens, and to understand the process I go through when I feel this way. I think there are some definite trends - the first is that I always feel people misunderstand me, sometimes even deliberately (meaning, they know that their assumptions about me are wrong, yet they choose to believe and spread them anyway). Also, I feel that people ignore me - again, this sometimes comes over as being deliberate. I also feel very hurt still from the days when I was bullied/teased/abused/neglected by everyone, including my parents. All in all, this brings me to the place in which I always find myself - with the belief that people are stupid, hurtful, selfish, arrogant, and oblivious to the needs of others. After I have this rage, inevitably, there is remorse and sadness, and physical exhaustion.

I am about to start a new chapter in my life - I am leaving the East and am going out to Colorado to live and work, in early January. I am excited that I will be on my own again and in a state that I love, yet I am also very worried. Seriously, I want to turn over a new leaf, I want to be better and feel better. But I feel that I am in such a rut with this rage about people, and that I can't get out of it. I have no idea what to do, and am very scared...

I can not sympathize with you more. I honestly do not know what has brought me to that way of thinking. My favorite saying was...
"I am not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally." And to this day, I have not found a way to deal with this problem. My only recourse has been to isolate myself to a very few persons and for very short lengths of time. Maybe 2 or 3 hours maximum. Have heard many times to "Treat others the way you wish to be treated." Has that actually worked for anyone?? I am an introvert.
That makes me an alien as far as this society is concerned.
I'm sorry if I've taken up too much of your thread. I guess you just bumped into my sore spot.

[happiedasiy]

Originally Posted by indigo1015

I have a real problem, and I don't know what to do about it. The fact of the matter is, I hate people. REALLY hate people. You honestly can't imagine just how much I hate them. I suppose I have for at least the past 10 years, although I am noticing this rage and hatred inside me more and more these days. It scares me quite a lot. I know I need to do something about it, but I have tried lots of different things, and I always wind back up exactly where I started. I tried exercising, I've tried keeping a diary, I've tried "thinking positively" (whatever that actually means), and yes, I have seen a therapist about it. The exercise was overly time-consuming and gave me injuries, the diary was good short-term, but doesn't seem to have helped in the long run, and seeing the therapist was a disaster. My therapist was very much a "yes" person - she pretty much wanted me to lie about how I feel to my friends and loved ones, so as not to invoke negativity, and to be a total pushover, even when I am wronged or hurt. Now, I fully realize my way of doing things is wrong, but I am no pushover, nor could I ever be one. Surely, there must be a happy medium in between???

I've been trying to analyze what provokes this anger and hatred towards Homo sapiens, and to understand the process I go through when I feel this way. I think there are some definite trends - the first is that I always feel people misunderstand me, sometimes even deliberately (meaning, they know that their assumptions about me are wrong, yet they choose to believe and spread them anyway). Also, I feel that people ignore me - again, this sometimes comes over as being deliberate. I also feel very hurt still from the days when I was bullied/teased/abused/neglected by everyone, including my parents. All in all, this brings me to the place in which I always find myself - with the belief that people are stupid, hurtful, selfish, arrogant, and oblivious to the needs of others. After I have this rage, inevitably, there is remorse and sadness, and physical exhaustion.

I am about to start a new chapter in my life - I am leaving the East and am going out to Colorado to live and work, in early January. I am excited that I will be on my own again and in a state that I love, yet I am also very worried. Seriously, I want to turn over a new leaf, I want to be better and feel better. But I feel that I am in such a rut with this rage about people, and that I can't get out of it. I have no idea what to do, and am very scared...

Dear Indigo,
We live close, I am in nj also.
My advice to you would be, I think this move will be good for you.
And you are right about people but hate the deed not all people.
If you can put a wedge between the deed and the person you will find either ignorance or evil (people with malicious intent). Forgive the first and put distance with the second.

You feel misunderstood because you have a unique perspective.
Your understanding has been tainted by the past, this is not your fault.
You learned to survive by the tools you had then.
Hate and Anger are exhausting you.
Parents most likely did not provide a safe learning enviorment for you to learn. Discouragement, punishment, and neglect taught you anger/rage.
Healthy emotional responses or proper analitical skills to evaluate the circumstances past/present/future and to think of actions that bring out positive outcomes. Will bring you joy and calmness.
To turn a new leaf You can learn to change how you feel about people, to let go of this rage. It is up to you and takes time and have patience.

The happy medium is discernment. Dont give your self/emotions away to the people who are not trustworthy and don't be baited by your emotions.

Fortitude to the truth. Deliberate to the death is something surviviors do and if applied with discernment is a wonderful skill that will lead to a more happy life. And you will meet people that misunderstand you, you could teach them alot!!
Hope this helps,
H.

[objtrbit]

I just got back from my T today with this issue of hating my girlfriend's chihuahua; rationally the dog is innocent, but emotionally it is the scourge of the earth to me, and represents a lot of things symbolically.

If you had to rate your level of neglect and emotional turmoil from your childhood, from 1 being fine and 10 being hell, how would you rate it?

I'm thinking people are triggering something specific to you-a shot in the dark though, I can only go off of my own experiences;

I hope you keep talking about it, and that this thread will be a good place to express a lot of the anger you must have;

Take care,
-obj

[indigo1015]

Originally Posted by Anika.

Do you feel you are stupid, hurtful, selfish, arrogant, and oblivious to the needs of others? It's an honest question.

In all honesty, no... I feel like I observe people and try to respect their thoughts, feelings and needs a lot more than they do for me, or for other people, in fact. It's an honest answer to your question.

[indigo1015]

Originally Posted by gabmux

I can not sympathize with you more. I honestly do not know what has brought me to that way of thinking. My favorite saying was...
"I am not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally." And to this day, I have not found a way to deal with this problem. My only recourse has been to isolate myself to a very few persons and for very short lengths of time. Maybe 2 or 3 hours maximum. Have heard many times to "Treat others the way you wish to be treated." Has that actually worked for anyone?? I am an introvert.
That makes me an alien as far as this society is concerned.
I'm sorry if I've taken up too much of your thread. I guess you just bumped into my sore spot.

I definitely can relate... being around people is very draining to me, even people I love and am close to. It is a real problem for me. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not the only one who feels this way :-)

[Anika.]

I think the saying treat others how you wish to be treated doesn't exactly mean that you will be treated that way back. However the more people that treat others the way they wish to be, the better it will be on the whole. Of course not everyone is going to follow this.

Treating others how you wish to not be treated... doesn't make for a better world I wouldn't think.

Yes there are people out there who do not always have good intentions. But there are tons who do. It's easy to become cynical when you have faced a lot of bad stuff in life. But there is still a lot of good and lots of good people. The bad.. well it's more in your face, it's more noticeable and we tend to look for it more maybe.

You yourself are a good person.. so there could be others than as well.. like you? Sometimes I wonder if it's partly how we see things, one of my favorite sayings is " what seems like is coming at you is coming from you" very much to do with our perspective.

Or could be who you are surrounded by as well in part. Maybe a combination of things. But you said you want to turn a new leaf, so I would guess you are not happy to remain feeling the same. Honestly I am trying to think.. it's not that I have never felt like that.. I sure have. I guess for me I started to try to give others more understanding and compassion. And tho it did used to seem like they did not put in as much respect or care for me as I did them.. I think they actually did, just maybe not quite the same way. Because we are all different after all.. and I cannot be in their head or heart to know exactly how or what they thought.

Yes some people don't or will not put that effort or care in, but I think I would just rather focus on my own intentions and be content with who I am and what I do. And like happydaisey said distance between those who do not respect me.

If you know that you are not those things that you said others are.. then you can't really be sure others are not those things either, not all of them.

I do feel for you, I went through well not a lot of good stuff at all. But this is your life now, and for me that meant not staying hostage to the ill intent of others from my past.

[jcsaves]

Originally Posted by indigo1015

I have a real problem, and I don't know what to do about it. The fact of the matter is, I hate people. REALLY hate people. You honestly can't imagine just how much I hate them. I suppose I have for at least the past 10 years, although I am noticing this rage and hatred inside me more and more these days. It scares me quite a lot. I know I need to do something about it, but I have tried lots of different things, and I always wind back up exactly where I started. I tried exercising, I've tried keeping a diary, I've tried "thinking positively" (whatever that actually means), and yes, I have seen a therapist about it. The exercise was overly time-consuming and gave me injuries, the diary was good short-term, but doesn't seem to have helped in the long run, and seeing the therapist was a disaster. My therapist was very much a "yes" person - she pretty much wanted me to lie about how I feel to my friends and loved ones, so as not to invoke negativity, and to be a total pushover, even when I am wronged or hurt. Now, I fully realize my way of doing things is wrong, but I am no pushover, nor could I ever be one. Surely, there must be a happy medium in between???

I've been trying to analyze what provokes this anger and hatred towards Homo sapiens, and to understand the process I go through when I feel this way. I think there are some definite trends - the first is that I always feel people misunderstand me, sometimes even deliberately (meaning, they know that their assumptions about me are wrong, yet they choose to believe and spread them anyway). Also, I feel that people ignore me - again, this sometimes comes over as being deliberate. I also feel very hurt still from the days when I was bullied/teased/abused/neglected by everyone, including my parents. All in all, this brings me to the place in which I always find myself - with the belief that people are stupid, hurtful, selfish, arrogant, and oblivious to the needs of others. After I have this rage, inevitably, there is remorse and sadness, and physical exhaustion.

I am about to start a new chapter in my life - I am leaving the East and am going out to Colorado to live and work, in early January. I am excited that I will be on my own again and in a state that I love, yet I am also very worried. Seriously, I want to turn over a new leaf, I want to be better and feel better. But I feel that I am in such a rut with this rage about people, and that I can't get out of it. I have no idea what to do, and am very scared...

I dont know if im replying right but one recent realization I had was I hate others cause I really don't like myself. If I did I could be more kind and tolerant of others etc...and of course many other reasons

[indigo1015]

Originally Posted by jcsaves

I dont know if im replying right but one recent realization I had was I hate others cause I really don't like myself. If I did I could be more kind and tolerant of others etc...and of course many other reasons

I know where you're going with this, but I think you're incorrect... how I feel about others has very little to do with how I feel about myself. It has to do with peoples' stupidity and unjust behavior.

[gabmux]

Originally Posted by Anika.

I think the saying treat others how you wish to be treated doesn't exactly mean that you will be treated that way back. However the more people that treat others the way they wish to be, the better it will be on the whole. Of course not everyone is going to follow this.

Treating others how you wish to not be treated... doesn't make for a better world I wouldn't think.

Yes there are people out there who do not always have good intentions. But there are tons who do. It's easy to become cynical when you have faced a lot of bad stuff in life. But there is still a lot of good and lots of good people. The bad.. well it's more in your face, it's more noticeable and we tend to look for it more maybe.

You yourself are a good person.. so there could be others than as well.. like you? Sometimes I wonder if it's partly how we see things, one of my favorite sayings is " what seems like is coming at you is coming from you" very much to do with our perspective.

Or could be who you are surrounded by as well in part. Maybe a combination of things. But you said you want to turn a new leaf, so I would guess you are not happy to remain feeling the same. Honestly I am trying to think.. it's not that I have never felt like that.. I sure have. I guess for me I started to try to give others more understanding and compassion. And tho it did used to seem like they did not put in as much respect or care for me as I did them.. I think they actually did, just maybe not quite the same way. Because we are all different after all.. and I cannot be in their head or heart to know exactly how or what they thought.

Yes some people don't or will not put that effort or care in, but I think I would just rather focus on my own intentions and be content with who I am and what I do. And like happydaisey said distance between those who do not respect me.

If you know that you are not those things that you said others are.. then you can't really be sure others are not those things either, not all of them.

I do feel for you, I went through well not a lot of good stuff at all. But this is your life now, and for me that meant not staying hostage to the ill intent of others from my past.

Thank you Anika for helping think this through. Most of my anger toward people has to do with the very fact that they are basically "good" people.
It is the fact that these "nice" people choose to treat me poorly that causes me so much frustration.

[gabmux]

Originally Posted by jcsaves

I dont know if im replying right but one recent realization I had was I hate others cause I really don't like myself. If I did I could be more kind and tolerant of others etc...and of course many other reasons

I also disagree with that realization.
I do not dislike myself either. But I experience unwarranted, unfounded, unreasonable guilt and shame. And I wrongly blame myself for the fact
that "I just don't fit in". I don't see that as "not liking myself".

[Anika.]

Originally Posted by gabmux

Thank you Anika for helping think this through. Most of my anger toward people has to do with the very fact that they are basically "good" people.
It is the fact that these "nice" people choose to treat me poorly that causes me so much frustration.

I am really sorry but I cannot tell if you are being serious or sarcastic...I am just guessing from the next response you posted. Might as well just ask? In all honesty I hate to ask that, but otherwise I would not know how to respond, and I would like to.

[Thunder Bow]

Go to Colorado and enjoy the Joy of freedom. You are leaving old wounds and attachments behind. You will soon feel the Joy of being free once you go through the doors out into the Colorado Sun and the everyday world. Your "Anger" will fade away as soon as you go.

[gabmux]

Originally Posted by Anika.

I am really sorry but I cannot tell if you are being serious or sarcastic...I am just guessing from the next response you posted. Might as well just ask? In all honesty I hate to ask that, but otherwise I would not know how to respond, and I would like to.

No. Not sarcastic at all Anika. I am honestly trying to understand my problem.
And your thoughts are helping to put things in prospective. I need your input
desperately. That is why I am here.

[gabmux]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Go to Colorado and enjoy the Joy of freedom. You are leaving old wounds and attachments behind. You will soon feel the Joy of being free once you go through the doors out into the Colorado Sun and the everyday world. Your "Anger" will fade away as soon as you go.

Yes! I would have to agree. Although I've never been "Rocky Mountain High", I think there's a good chance it would help.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by gabmux

Yes! I would have to agree. Although I've never been "Rocky Mountain High", I think there's a good chance it would help.

Well Said

[Anika.]

Originally Posted by gabmux

No. Not sarcastic at all Anika. I am honestly trying to understand my problem.
And your thoughts are helping to put things in prospective. I need your input
desperately. That is why I am here.

Thanks, sorry I really was unsure and I didn't want to assume anything either. I hate asking that.

I would have to ask who are these good people who are treating you poorly? Is it constant with them, what are they doing, and what do you think their intentions are?

I have been treated quite badly by quite a few people, including both my parents. These people did not have good intentions, at least often.

Then there are other people like my bf, and he is a good person, however sometimes he does or says something that hurts me, tho his intentions are not to hurt me, and it is not constant. I am sure I hurt others sometimes as well, no matter how hard I try not to and have no intentions of hurting anyone.. it can still happen.

My mom is a good example. She will often intentionally try to cause pain for my sisters and I, or her husband, co-workers, anyone she has contact with. Normally I would just put great distance between her and I. I did that with my father, but my mom is a bit different story. What I can do with my mom is find ways within myself to not let her hurt me, I might not be able to change her, but I really can change what I do with what she hands out. I can change my end.. and no it isn't really easy. It's rather exhausting, but I am getting there.

"I do not dislike myself either. But I experience unwarranted, unfounded, unreasonable guilt and shame. And I wrongly blame myself for the fact
that "I just don't fit in". I don't see that as "not liking myself".

This sticks out to me tho, the unwarranted, unfounded, unreasonable guilt and shame. It's way ok not to fit in.. maybe the world would be better if less of us "fit in" but the feelings attached to it, tho you might think doesn't equate "not liking myself", those feeling don't support liking yourself either. Sounds like self abuse a bit.. like emotionally abusing your self.

I made a pact with myself after I fled my abusive marriage, and it was this "I will not compromise my happiness for others" at the time I didn't know how much I was going to need that. And that compromise is not limited just to not letting people abuse me, but not to compromise it by clinging to old wounds, not forgiving, holding onto hate or anger.. all the things that would compromise my happiness.

I think most people do want to be good people, I think for the most part they don't want to hurt others. Sometimes it can seem like they are all bad, I wonder if it is because these people tend to cling together.. if you end up in their circle it really would seem like everyone is like that. Not just a bad seed but a bad garden.

Oh boy, sorry that is so long winded and a little here and there. I hope that might help some.. I really hope that you both can find peace, and will be able to enjoy other homo sapiens in life. Maybe if we come across people who do not seem to be understanding or have compassion we can lend some to them and hopefully little by little it will make a difference.

I have not been to Colorado, but I live in the mountains in Canada.. I cannot help but feel the earth is hugging me.. they do seem to have healing properties. I just looked up some pictures of Colorado... Indigo Wow.. what a beautiful place. I hope you will really get to enjoy it.

[gabmux]

Thanks Anika. I un-sarcastically agree with everything you said. Thank you for your understanding.

"I do not dislike myself either. But I experience unwarranted, unfounded, unreasonable guilt and shame. And I wrongly blame myself for the fact
that "I just don't fit in". I don't see that as "not liking myself".

What I was trying to say here is that I do believe it is okay not to fit in.

But my first reaction it seems, is always to see the other person as innocent
until proven guilty. And at the same time, seeing myself as being guilty
until proven innocent. I guess I would sooner misjudge myself than someone else. Although this might not be the healthiest way of thinking, I am still not sure that it means I don't like myself.

Anika, I think what U wrote below is a very important point...

"Sometimes it can seem like they are all bad, I wonder if it is because these people tend to cling together.. if you end up in their circle it really would seem like everyone is like that. Not just a bad seed but a bad garden."

[indigo1015]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Go to Colorado and enjoy the Joy of freedom. You are leaving old wounds and attachments behind. You will soon feel the Joy of being free once you go through the doors out into the Colorado Sun and the everyday world. Your "Anger" will fade away as soon as you go.

Thank you, I sure hope my anger does go away. I realize, of course, that it will also take effort on my part to get rid of it. It is just knowing where to start that floors me.

[indigo1015]

Originally Posted by Anika.

I think the saying treat others how you wish to be treated doesn't exactly mean that you will be treated that way back. However the more people that treat others the way they wish to be, the better it will be on the whole. Of course not everyone is going to follow this.

Treating others how you wish to not be treated... doesn't make for a better world I wouldn't think.

Yes there are people out there who do not always have good intentions. But there are tons who do. It's easy to become cynical when you have faced a lot of bad stuff in life. But there is still a lot of good and lots of good people. The bad.. well it's more in your face, it's more noticeable and we tend to look for it more maybe.

You yourself are a good person.. so there could be others than as well.. like you? Sometimes I wonder if it's partly how we see things, one of my favorite sayings is " what seems like is coming at you is coming from you" very much to do with our perspective.

Or could be who you are surrounded by as well in part. Maybe a combination of things. But you said you want to turn a new leaf, so I would guess you are not happy to remain feeling the same. Honestly I am trying to think.. it's not that I have never felt like that.. I sure have. I guess for me I started to try to give others more understanding and compassion. And tho it did used to seem like they did not put in as much respect or care for me as I did them.. I think they actually did, just maybe not quite the same way. Because we are all different after all.. and I cannot be in their head or heart to know exactly how or what they thought.

Yes some people don't or will not put that effort or care in, but I think I would just rather focus on my own intentions and be content with who I am and what I do. And like happydaisey said distance between those who do not respect me.

If you know that you are not those things that you said others are.. then you can't really be sure others are not those things either, not all of them.

I do feel for you, I went through well not a lot of good stuff at all. But this is your life now, and for me that meant not staying hostage to the ill intent of others from my past.

I agree... it is easier said than done, but yes, you are right. And thank you for all the constructive thought you have given, I appreciate it :-)