[Redsoft]

I am gaining guilt more and more every day with the fact that I can't function as a normal adult. My fiance supports both of us, and it's not like he's making 3 figures or anything. We are in financial hardship now because I was laid off, and can't find a job that I can do though I keep searching and searching. He says he doesn't care, that he just wants me to feel better and if I never found a job he wouldn't hold it against me or anything of that sort... But things are just more difficult because of me. If I didn't have all of these problems and had a job again, could function like I used to and have a whole range of them open up as options, all of our financial worries would just fade away.

The guilt makes me sick to my stomach every day And, because of my anxiety, I worry that he is only just saying that he won't hold it against me, and then feel more stressed and worse. I've started eating less again. I feel constantly tired because I feel constantly under pressure.

Does anyone else deal with this? Guilt, guilt, guilt, all day long. How do you deal with that feeling...? "Get a job" is the simple answer for me, but obviously I'd have one by now again if it were that simple.

[Perna]

If your guilt isn’t trying to correct an actual mistake you made in your behavior (e.g., it’s unhealthy guilt), then there’s not a whole lot you need to learn. Instead of learning how to change that behavior, a person can instead try to understand why a simple behavior most people wouldn’t feel guilty about is making one feel guilty. For instance, I felt guilty for spending some time playing a game during regular work hours. Since I work for myself, however, I don’t really keep “regular work hours,” but it’s hard for me to change that mindset after years of working for others.

From: 5 Tips for Dealing with Guilt | World of Psychology

It is not your fault things are more difficult, that you cannot find a job. You have "unhealthy"guilt about that. You are looking for a job which is what you believe would help you, what else could you possibly do?

Have you gone over the bills/money with your fiance, do you know what you all make/spend together or are you just vaguely aware of what comes in and goes out? Worrying does not help in any way and I get quite angry with myself when I worry; it's wondering about the future in ways that one cannot know. You have to accept your fiance's reassurance that it's okay that you are not working now and use all your energy in being smart about taking care of yourself (eating properly!), spending money smartly, and getting a job when you can.

[7Cups_Ann]

You've got multiple things happening at once, searching for a job, anxiety, and a fear of not being able to contribute. You have a supportive husband and are taking steps towards moving forward with finding a job. It's so important!

If you want to talk, I'm more than happy to listen.

[Mapleton]

Originally Posted by Redsoft

I am gaining guilt more and more every day with the fact that I can't function as a normal adult. My fiance supports both of us, and it's not like he's making 3 figures or anything. We are in financial hardship now because I was laid off, and can't find a job that I can do though I keep searching and searching. He says he doesn't care, that he just wants me to feel better and if I never found a job he wouldn't hold it against me or anything of that sort... But things are just more difficult because of me. If I didn't have all of these problems and had a job again, could function like I used to and have a whole range of them open up as options, all of our financial worries would just fade away.

The guilt makes me sick to my stomach every day And, because of my anxiety, I worry that he is only just saying that he won't hold it against me, and then feel more stressed and worse. I've started eating less again. I feel constantly tired because I feel constantly under pressure.

Does anyone else deal with this? Guilt, guilt, guilt, all day long. How do you deal with that feeling...? "Get a job" is the simple answer for me, but obviously I'd have one by now again if it were that simple.

Know precisely what you feel. I've just started but T suggested a DBT group. I will let you know how it goes.

I feel like I've wasted SO MUCH TIME. I feel like Ive just squandered being gifted. For me it's not even just a job. It's getting a job that good enough to say "you arrived", if that makes any sense. Flipping burgers, (and I'm not trying to offend anyone who does,) is just going to cement that "I'm never going to reach my potential. I wasted my life. What's the point?" feeling.

Maybe I'll come to the conclusion that I didn't really have potential to begin with. Right now, though I still feel like maybe I'll amount to something

[Redsoft]

Perna, yeah, I have indeed gone over the numbers with my fiance, but now I just let him take care of them now that we are on the same page, so to speak. I have always been terrible with numbers (get them switched around and all of the above), and they give me anxiety, which is kind of pathetic to say, but it's the truth.

I feel I must be placing blame on myself for the more difficult times we now face - the article you posted (thank you) mentions the type of guilt over doing something hurtful. I suppose that's the kind of guilt I feel, even though I know it's irrational. I was laid off, not fired... It's weird trying to "irrationalize" what I feel is rational (even though deep down know it isn't). Strange cycle.

Thanks, 7cups.

Mapleton, I definitely feel that too, that sense of feeling like you're wasting your gifts. I feel like I have been given great gifts, but that my mental health is getting in the way. It's so defeating. It makes it twice as hard to get started and follow-through with anything.

[poptartscherry]

Wow. I can really relate to you. I know I am disabled. But I still have great hope I will get better with help. What surprised me was I feel so much empathy for YOU, but beat up myself. Thank you for posting. Sounds like a lot of anxiety. Not knowing your background, I'm wondering if you are in therapy/medications? Please stop beating yourself up. Being what society thinks is normal isn't always easy. Sounds like you are a nice person. You are worrying too much about your fiance. I really understand - but I believe it can get better. I also understand the financial hardship, and I hope you will stop punishing yourself. There's always hope.

Originally Posted by Redsoft

Perna, yeah, I have indeed gone over the numbers with my fiance, but now I just let him take care of them now that we are on the same page, so to speak. I have always been terrible with numbers (get them switched around and all of the above), and they give me anxiety, which is kind of pathetic to say, but it's the truth.

I feel I must be placing blame on myself for the more difficult times we now face - the article you posted (thank you) mentions the type of guilt over doing something hurtful. I suppose that's the kind of guilt I feel, even though I know it's irrational. I was laid off, not fired... It's weird trying to "irrationalize" what I feel is rational (even though deep down know it isn't). Strange cycle.

Thanks, 7cups.

Mapleton, I definitely feel that too, that sense of feeling like you're wasting your gifts. I feel like I have been given great gifts, but that my mental health is getting in the way. It's so defeating. It makes it twice as hard to get started and follow-through with anything.

[poptartscherry]

Thanks for posting the link about guilt. Wish I'd read it many, many years ago.

Originally Posted by Perna

From: 5 Tips for Dealing with Guilt | World of Psychology

It is not your fault things are more difficult, that you cannot find a job. You have "unhealthy"guilt about that. You are looking for a job which is what you believe would help you, what else could you possibly do?

Have you gone over the bills/money with your fiance, do you know what you all make/spend together or are you just vaguely aware of what comes in and goes out? Worrying does not help in any way and I get quite angry with myself when I worry; it's wondering about the future in ways that one cannot know. You have to accept your fiance's reassurance that it's okay that you are not working now and use all your energy in being smart about taking care of yourself (eating properly!), spending money smartly, and getting a job when you can.

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by Redsoft

I am gaining guilt more and more every day with the fact that I can't function as a normal adult. My fiance supports both of us, and it's not like he's making 3 figures or anything. We are in financial hardship now because I was laid off, and can't find a job that I can do though I keep searching and searching. He says he doesn't care, that he just wants me to feel better and if I never found a job he wouldn't hold it against me or anything of that sort... But things are just more difficult because of me. If I didn't have all of these problems and had a job again, could function like I used to and have a whole range of them open up as options, all of our financial worries would just fade away.

The guilt makes me sick to my stomach every day And, because of my anxiety, I worry that he is only just saying that he won't hold it against me, and then feel more stressed and worse. I've started eating less again. I feel constantly tired because I feel constantly under pressure.

Does anyone else deal with this? Guilt, guilt, guilt, all day long. How do you deal with that feeling...? "Get a job" is the simple answer for me, but obviously I'd have one by now again if it were that simple.

been there and done that, Redsoft, and know it's so hard. Still struggle, but it's better when I make whatever contribution I can, be something temporary (in the past tho), and a lot of stuff around the house, just trying to make things easier. And being as cheerful as I can, within myself, and for him. Course, easier said than done, but great when it works. I do wish you all the best! Please try not to be overwhelmed with guilt. Personally, I know that doesn't help you or your situation, tho again, easier said than done! Blessings!

[myjade_84]

When i was jobless, i was also guilty of not being able to contribute to our finances. I was always depressed and lonely. I never stopped looking for a job until i found one. But even if i have work now, i still have times when i feel so bad. Getting a job won't make everything okay. But i know right now, it's what you need to get rid of your guilt over your financial problems. Good luck in your job search Redsoft.