Crisis

I am not coping well at all, It all started with the anniversary of my mothers death (1 year) It all brings back so many memories, I know that I am in meltdown it has taken me 5 days to write this post but things are getting worse for me and I feel like I can't cope with these feelings any more.

I phoned my nurse on Friday as she says to call her if I feel that I am in crisis she hasn't called me back yet and now I feel stupid, What is annoying though I never ask for help and when I do this happens.

I am crying a lot then it turns into anger then I self harm then I have suicidal thoughts, I am constantly looking at medication to take and thinking "JUST DO IT" I don't know what is stopping me.

Well, it is morning where you are, but late night where I live. I want you to know that I read what you wrote. I feel your frustration and pain. I been having a bad period like a thick layer of syrup when the wasps come out, so sympathize with your struggles. As I commiserate with your situation, I hope it helps to know that you are valued here at PC and other places.

I understand that feeling of FINALLY asking for help, putting yourself out there, only to have the person you trust to help you be unavailable. It's frustrating, and the build up is exhausting. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but for what it's worth, I think it took a lot of courage to reach out for help. I feel like you put your trust out there again when you shared what's going on with the community here. I'm pretty new, but from what I can tell, it seems like a whole lot of courage over one weekend. I've been experiencing similar feelings recently and my heart goes out to you.

(((Buttercup))) - I don't know how I missed this post and so sorry you're in crisis. Anniversaries of a loved ones passing are so tough. You did the right thing calling the nurse and don't think its stupid. Better to be safe than sorry. Keep sharing here and let us know how you're feeling. Do whatever you need to feel better and safe. I tried to find a link for your country:

Suicide Prevention | Directory | Patient.co.uk

(((( Buttercup ))))
I don't have words to make this all better but I'm glad you wrote a thread out here on PC. I'm glad you've tried to contact your cpn, even if that isn't working out exactly as out should. You're strong to do these things.
I hope your cpn gives you an explanation for why she hadn't contacted you back.

LynnP has done good things in her post, anniversaries are difficult especially if they were painful when the initial event happened our they stir strong emotions and the link she provided.

My friend I am sending good thoughts and many well thoughts for you And that you find what you need to help you through this all.
s

You can be your own Crisis Warrior! and Nurse! Be determined in your own healing and personal growth. Some how, I feel power and strength in you. Your mothers death was just your mind locking onto some thing depressing. Depression can be an old friend that is hard to say goodbye to. The mind will hang onto it.

(((((((((( Buttercup ))))))))))
I'm really sorry your nurse hasn't called back...... sigh.
even though you rarely ask for help

Anniversaries are so very hard... We care and understand
Lean on us here

Fuzzy.... Fellow u k er growl. Sigh)

(((((((((((Buttercup)))))))))))) ~ I know you miss your mom so much like me. Hang on friend. You are much loved

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. Just hang in there. take it a day at a time, hour by hour, minute by minute. I'm here if you ever wanna talk or vent.

Thank you all I really appreciate you all taking the time in replying and sending me hugs.

I tried to contact my CPN (nurse) again this morning but she is off until Wednesday.
I see my T tomorrow so I am going to be honest with her instead of saying I am "ok"

My mood and feelings are so up and down it's like being on a rollercoaster.

(((((((buttercup))))))) are there any other crisis line people you can call to help you hold on till then?
i'm sorry nobody has called you back yet and really glad you are going to let your T know what is going on tomorrow ... thinking of you

((Buttercup)) - just checking to see how you're doing and thanks for the update. That's unfortunate the nurse won't be in till Wednesday. Sorry your moods are all over the place. Make sure you eat extra healthy, go for some nice walks, maybe listen to some happy music on the walk. Its helps to give yourself extra TLC. Until then keep venting and sharing here. We don't mind listening.

Thank you TG and lynn.

I went to see my T today and I told her how I was feeling she was very concerned about me so she called through to the mental health team and asked would they come out and visit me this afternoon in which they did, I told them how I was feeling and they said if I feel I was going to act on the impulsive to OD is to go the hospital right away, They also spoke with my husband and gave him numbers to call in an emergency and they are going to contact my CPN to tell her to call me tomorrow and to arrange weekly visits.

I have my CPN visiting me this morning, Not sleeping well been awake all night again.
Still don't feel myself and having these thoughts.

((((Buttercup)))) I'm glad you told your T and she has organised the extra support ... I just hope they will step up things in terms of the care they give so you aren't left waiting so much again!

Take it moment by moment too, like Arethusa said minute by minute too, tell yourself you want to get release from the pain and pray if you do. I'll pray for you I hope you don't mind if I do but it really helps me when i'm in a situation like yours.

((((((((((((Buttercup)))))))))))) i wish i had the words to make it better, but please know we are all here for you

I don't mind at all avlady

My CPN visit didn't go quite like I was expecting but in saying that she was ever so worried.

I was honest as I could be I had a chat with her on my own first and then she said she would like a chat with hubby..She asked how I was doing I told her how I was feeling and that the suicidal feelings are constant she then said she will ask my Pdoc this afternoon and see if he will prescribe me diazepam but I did tell her that these made me feel worse the last time I took them she then went onto to say I do look unwell and she even noticed that I have lost weight, She mentioned me going into hospital if I don't improve by next week but then went onto to say they aren't the best places to be so this will be the last resort.

She then called me back this afternoon and said she spoken to my Pdoc and they decided not to prescribe me diazepam but to increase my citalopram to 40mg from 20 mg and also she said this morning that 2 mental health nurses will be visiting me on Saturday and Sunday, She also said that she was talking to my T yesterday and she was really worried about me my CPN said that my T wants to now take things really slowly in therapy as they seem to think this could be taking a big part in how I am feeling but I don't think it is.

Hubby also spoke to my CPN and she basically told him that if I don't improve in a week then hospital will be another option but come to think of it when she called back she said 2 weeks maybe give the new dose time to work, Hubby told her that he is worried how far I will go and tbh I am worried myself, I have had these thoughts before but not to this extreme.

The feelings your experienceing often accompanys a Growth Spurt in your personal healing. Ask your therapist about this.

Buttercup, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Since you can't always get help when you need it, have you tried journaling or self-talk? Just to help you release the pain as soon as you need to.