[duende]

I'm 10 weeks post-breakup from a stormy relationship. My ex-GF is desperately trying to get me to respond (texts, phone calls, emails, letters, a "gift" package, and physically coming to my secured apartment building - read stalking). She lied and did some really awful things to me emotionally. Ever find out that your partner has been webcamming behind your back? Yeah. That was one thing. Yet, I was expected to take care of her. Truth be told, I have my own emotional instability and abandonment issues to deal with. And I'm struggling with this alone. I can't take her back even if I really wanted to. That said....

I'm dealing with moments of, well...rage. I keep it internal, but it scares me. When it comes I feel like I'm seriously burning up from the inside. I'm staying clear of her and keeping NC. But...

Anyone successfully deal with redirecting internal rage towards an ex?

Thanks

[Thunder Bow]

Your Rage is affecting your thinking, and is keeping you from feelings. Step back, turn it down, and reconsider your actions.

[duende]

Payne1, thank you for that hug.

and Thunderbow, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. I fortunately have a good hold on outwardly expressing rage. Regrettably, I sometimes experience it inwardly and it takes a lot to get back into a calm place. Guess I really needed to write it out though. Anyway, thanks again.

I suppose this is where CBT or DBT will be helpful. Peace.

[Nla210787]

Perhaps you could go to the gym and take out the aggression on a punching bag or do some really intense cardio to release some of the adrenaline? Never had rage issues but I think it would have to be unhealthy to keep it bottled up.

[duende]

Nla, Thanks for reading and sharing your non-judgmental feedback. I know..I totally should be using my gym membership. I guess it's a matter of moving myself from "should" to "will". But yes, even if I'm usually not near my gym when the issue comes, I suspect it could still help with clearing out any residual stuff. Good thought.

[Thorn Bird]

Originally Posted by duende

Nla, Thanks for reading and sharing your non-judgmental feedback. I know..I totally should be using my gym membership. I guess it's a matter of moving myself from "should" to "will". But yes, even if I'm usually not near my gym when the issue comes, I suspect it could still help with clearing out any residual stuff. Good thought.

It really tests your patience being with a PD. I am usually on the receiving end of 'rages' and am left feeling angry unjustified and as if everything is all my fault so I guess rather than rage I take it inwards and to heart - his behaviour is so terrible at times I am at a loss to what to do and what to think. I believe anger is a healthy emotion towards someone who is forever dishing out emotional abuse and pushing you down my advice take your anger out in the gym or punch some pillows! - sounds like you have every reason to be angry

[kirby777]

What does she want??

I have been told by some T's to "not give that person your rage". Well, that is easier said than done, for me.

I get relief by throwing things...not to break them, just the physical acting of throwing helps me get it out. I used to scream & argue, but have stopped that.(that took a lot of effort)

If you like to walk or run or go to the gym...try that...let it out! Without harming yourself or anyone else.

I hope you feel a little better. Being betrayed as you have described is a bitter pill.

[duende]

Thornbird,
First off, I'm sorry that you've been on the receiving end of unjustifiable rages. No fun. I have experience with that too.

Wow. Thank you for affirming that my frustration has been justified. Seriously that meant a lot. Hah. Funny thing with me - for some reason, I've never felt like punching a punching bag would give me that piece of mind. Haha. For some reason, it's always got to be something solid. That said, I seriously will see how well this gym idea works. Thanks for your advice and encouragement.
duende

[duende]

Kirby777,

What does she want??

Thank you for asking this question. I'm sure it's been for different reasons - to check my "temperature" (how are you? do you miss me? etc.) or to see if she could have me to fall back on. No thanks. I mean, seriously what kind of sh**ty girlfriend does webcamming behind her boyfriend's back? And that was just one thing she did that was disloyal. I just so badly want my justice.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It's really validating to hear that yes, I have some reason to be angry, that I'm not just completely blowing things out of proportion.I have my own core stuff to deal with. And for the first time in my adult life I've been out of a relationship for over 2 months. It's really really really scary doing it alone, but a lot of this stuff came to a head with her. And fortunately for me, I feel like I have good self-awareness to conquer my issue...at least that's what keeps me going. Sorry if that's TMI. But yeah...strong stuff and I can't let it get the best of me. One day at a time.

duende

[IndieVisible]

I think you need to let the rage out some how with out hurting any one. Keeping it in is not going to work. You can try jogging, running, going to the gym, going to a park where no one is around and scream profanity, go to a junk yard and smash up a wrecked car, demolish some thing, chop a tree down, some thing, any thing. Therapists mean well but they don't always get it. IMHO it has to come out.

[duende]

Keeping it in is not going to work.

IndieVisible,
I totally agree. You know, running might be something for me to consider. I just get so self-conscious with sweating in front of people. And then there's that worry of bumping into someone. I suppose I could find a less densely-populated area and run full-force. Thanks for that IndieVisible.
duende

[avlady]

Maybe you can get on some meds to help you relax? I don't know if you have a diagnosis or not but they really helped me with anger issues, although i was hit by a van while crossing the street, and was in some other car accidents. I was angry all the time and the meds worked for my anger issues, i don't know if it was because of the accidents gave me anger or it was just in me, from abusive relationships too.

[duende]

Thank you for sharing, avlady.I'm glad to hear that you have found a good prescription. Yeah, I've been on a mood stabilizer in the past. Honestly, if I could avoid meds, I'd rather do so. But, at this point I need to talk again with my pdoc.

[duende]

Today is really a hard day for this
I'm just feeling ugly and worthless and completely invisible - either invisible or just unlikable and creepy. And I just don't get it. I don't think of myself as unattractive and none of my ex's did either. I'm just talking about being out in public and...arrghhhhhh! It's all gold diggers I guess. Hahahaha. Probably should just post a thread and get it off my chest.

[Skywoulf]

I am the last person you would ever want advice from, because I don't know what true rage is. I have been beaten down so many times that I don't bother getting up again. but I will tell you what I do "When things get me upset" it is very hard to do, and it is not for everyone but it helps me get through that horrible time.

I create. that's right you heard me correctly, I create. all that negitave energy is still energy, so I use it. I craft, I build, I make things instead of destroying them. after some small time I get into the groove of silent contemplation and guess what? I feel better.

food for thought, might not help but then again it just might.