[waiting4]

So there was a guy who walked up to my desk, and he was friendly...I had to do a quick check for him....still friendly. Almost smarmy, but not creepy smarmy, just......it annoyed me. He wasn't very young ( so not suggesting the dreaded 'ma'am' affect, nor older...about my age) and he was not flirting. Just....niiiiice.

Seemed so phony but then I thought...really???? How can a 10 second dialog create any impression of fakery? But he was. I smiled and was friendly right back, but eye contact was NOT gonna happen.

And even tho I was nice back, I feel disappointed in myself because he was probably honestly nice...and I resented him for it. And don't even know why. (sigh)

Gonna be one of those days.

[penguinh]

I used to think that way but then I realized that it was more about me than that person. I guess it annoyed me that they would be so happy and friendly in such a dark miserable world when I myself could not be. But now I see that it's not like that. Once you improve your attitude and outlook on life, you'll realize that these people are genuinely nice. It shouldn't be so hard to believe that there truly are nice people in this world.

[Parley]

Absolutely~ especially if they keep calling me sweetie or some other pet name. They act as if their lies are a compliment.

I get that all the time at first because it comes as a shock to people. Personally I understand it because we're all used to being on defense basically, since people rub each other the wrong ways all the time. I agree with the most recent post about over use of pet names. Most times that's a sign of ingenuity. It's good to be nice, but when people are overly nice...well, we all know that can mean plenty of things.

Yeah, I tend to be naturally suspicious of nice people.

I've met so few genuinely nice people that I automatically assume anyone who is nice is up to something.

Safer that way though. I'm not going to let someone like my ex happen again. lol

[waiting4]

Thank you all for the input and I agree with all, on different levels...a lot like yours BeteNoire. I guess I'm just more on my guard now. But I get so angry with myself for being that way...example: Still feeling defensive I stopped at a fast food restaurant to get dinner as I have to be up early, and won't have time to cook.

Inside, there was a woman who was ordering ahead of me....and yes, she was 'that' woman...thousands of special requests, said very nicely, and calmly, and I'm just thinking...damnit I have to get home to let my dog out, and why is she so freaking calm...like coma induced. Eons later, I go up to order...something simple and non-confrontational, and I glance over to her.

No expression on her face. Totally devoid of emotion. I think, how is it to feel like that? Not drugged, just....nothing?

I got my two items in record time....she was receiving (and directing yet another special order) as I left. Did nothing for my mood.

Why do I find myself confronted with people who don't feel like they want to crawl out of their skin, or burst into tears, or go on a rampage?? All in the space of the time it takes to get two taco's???

Your feelings are not invalid. I wonder that all the time, too.

Yet sometimes I experience that somehow...sometimes I can be really apathetic. To me it's like, 'it can go either way'...

Your thoughts make complete sense. She probably didn't even think to have any great emotions about those few minutes. Maybe her mind was elsewhere. People like that are also used to getting things exactly as they want it, especially since you emphasized her being so specific. Maybe she had nothing in particular to rush to. All she was probably focused on was getting her order 'done right'. Maybe she learned, in her experience of being so particular, that being patient would get her more closer to ger goal of getting it 'right'...

[jerrycarrier13]

dear herpoorsoul just wanted to say im a very nice person so im allways nice to every one ivd allways been that way thanks jerry

Right now people who are really friendly make me feel like crap because, due to my depression, I feel I can't reciprocate the friendliness/cheerfulness without putting on a HUGE act, and that I refuse to do. Just don't have the energy for it. It's hard for me to understand how people can be so happy when I'm so miserable.

[JadeAmethyst]

The "too" nice is a big signal for me, when i have ignored the signal, it is sure to backfire on me....

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by waiting4

So there was a guy who walked up to my desk, and he was friendly...I had to do a quick check for him....still friendly. Almost smarmy, but not creepy smarmy, just......it annoyed me. He wasn't very young ( so not suggesting the dreaded 'ma'am' affect, nor older...about my age) and he was not flirting. Just....niiiiice.

Seemed so phony but then I thought...really???? How can a 10 second dialog create any impression of fakery? But he was. I smiled and was friendly right back, but eye contact was NOT gonna happen.

And even tho I was nice back, I feel disappointed in myself because he was probably honestly nice...and I resented him for it. And don't even know why. (sigh)

Gonna be one of those days.

i think that given what you went through with your ex, it's a natural knee jerk reaction that you probably will have for a while. it becomes hard to trust anyone after you have been through a bad relationship especially where the ex has manipulated you in any way. automatically the guard walls go up "why is this person being so friendly?" , "what are they after?" , "what is this person up to?" you start to take a cynical view of everyone and everything all because of the past, i subconsciously do that too at times, he probably was a really nice guy...but, maybe he wasn't hee hee. i used to give people the benefit of the doubt, everyone is ok until they prove otherwise...unfortunately i have found out that that can be a dangerous way of thinking..i have been burned several times by ex's so it's been a hard road, so after so much trauma it makes you that way, ya know...just my 2 cents hope this helps!

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by waiting4

Thank you all for the input and I agree with all, on different levels...a lot like yours BeteNoire. I guess I'm just more on my guard now. But I get so angry with myself for being that way...example: Still feeling defensive I stopped at a fast food restaurant to get dinner as I have to be up early, and won't have time to cook.

Inside, there was a woman who was ordering ahead of me....and yes, she was 'that' woman...thousands of special requests, said very nicely, and calmly, and I'm just thinking...damnit I have to get home to let my dog out, and why is she so freaking calm...like coma induced. Eons later, I go up to order...something simple and non-confrontational, and I glance over to her.

No expression on her face. Totally devoid of emotion. I think, how is it to feel like that? Not drugged, just....nothing?

I got my two items in record time....she was receiving (and directing yet another special order) as I left. Did nothing for my mood.

Why do I find myself confronted with people who don't feel like they want to crawl out of their skin, or burst into tears, or go on a rampage?? All in the space of the time it takes to get two taco's???

LOL! too funny i know you were like " dammit, why do you have to order that ***** now, in front of me, wtf .i new i shouldn't have stopped here!" and she's all calm, must be nice huh? i don't think i could ever be calm like that!!!

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

i think that given what you went through with your ex, it's a natural knee jerk reaction that you probably will have for a while. it becomes hard to trust anyone after you have been through a bad relationship especially where the ex has manipulated you in any way. automatically the guard walls go up "why is this person being so friendly?" , "what are they after?" , "what is this person up to?" you start to take a cynical view of everyone and everything all because of the past, i subconsciously do that too at times, he probably was a really nice guy...but, maybe he wasn't hee hee. i used to give people the benefit of the doubt, everyone is ok until they prove otherwise...unfortunately i have found out that that can be a dangerous way of thinking..i have been burned several times by ex's so it's been a hard road, so after so much trauma it makes you that way, ya know...just my 2 cents hope this helps!

Thanks for your thoughts, and I know you're right but it annoys me that I'm like this now...so guarded and cynical. Not that I was a push over in the past, and I'm aware of how to be careful....but when I get snarly (even if it's only inside, and never show it outside) I just feel like the most awful person, because I KNOW other people are NOT like that.

At least today (so far) it's an 'even' day--although going to work this morning, at a turn in the road a car darted out in front of me, then switched lanes again like he thought he was mario andretti and ...just for a moment...but I went back to my 'even' place and continued the thought I was pondering, and avoided 'swing time', for a change. pffft

Daily battles...and people wonder why I'm so tired. lol

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by waiting4

Thanks for your thoughts, and I know you're right but it annoys me that I'm like this now...so guarded and cynical. Not that I was a push over in the past, and I'm aware of how to be careful....but when I get snarly (even if it's only inside, and never show it outside) I just feel like the most awful person, because I KNOW other people are NOT like that.

At least today (so far) it's an 'even' day--although going to work this morning, at a turn in the road a car darted out in front of me, then switched lanes again like he thought he was mario andretti and ...just for a moment...but I went back to my 'even' place and continued the thought I was pondering, and avoided 'swing time', for a change. pffft

Daily battles...and people wonder why I'm so tired. lol

ah yes! it's nice to step off the roller coaster every once in a while...feels funny though! LOL!

Originally Posted by waiting4

Thanks for your thoughts, and I know you're right but it annoys me that I'm like this now...so guarded and cynical. Not that I was a push over in the past, and I'm aware of how to be careful....but when I get snarly (even if it's only inside, and never show it outside) I just feel like the most awful person, because I KNOW other people are NOT like that.

I go through the same thing. I'm generally a considerate person, so when something that seems trivial to most people upsets me I feel guilty. I have these thoughts like 'man...maybe I shouldn't be so annoyed because they probably ___, ___, ___' (insert possible excuses in the blanks lol)

I've also found that sometimes I play down my feelings or lash out in the wrong situations. Like when I'm apathetic I think of it later & I go 'wow...why didn't I ___?' because the next person would've reacted differently.

[tealBumblebee]

Well, on the other side of the spectrum, I'm actually the one that people consider too nice. I'm usually the one who walks around in her little bubble, seemingly without a care in the world, and it tends to turn people off. This actually annoys me so greatly because people are hesitant to befriend me or judge me and think that I'm phony - yet, if i'm a jerk (which I can be) they would talk about that too.

I treat people how I would like to be treated and sometimes the only smile someone gets in their day is from someone who is "too nice". At work, my patients tell me all the time that this is a good job for me (I work in the ER) because I bring a cheerful vibe to a seemingly dismal situation.

I never claim not to have any problems but most people think because I don't show my problem's - I have none or i'm being fake. Really, the case is - when i'm with someone else my focus is on them or what i'm doing and I don't choose to walk around wallowing in my pain. I cry at nights, I cut, I purge - whatever. But the joy I exude in the moment that you meet me is also a part of who I am. Making others happy, makes me happy. It's sad that it's not appreciated more really and that so many people are forced to succumb to way of the world instead of being allowed to be a light for those in the dark.

On the other hand, there are people who are even friendlier than me, and I've had that "she's weird" look about them as well so I totally get where everyone else is coming from. However, because of my own experiences, I tend to be aware of this thinking and usually try to force myself to look past that and converse with the person a little more to form a more solid decision (though I usually have to force myself to).

Sorry for the rant, i'll get off my soapbox now. Lol. Good post though; really got me to thinking.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

Well, on the other side of the spectrum, I'm actually the one that people consider too nice. I'm usually the one who walks around in her little bubble, seemingly without a care in the world, and it tends to turn people off. This actually annoys me so greatly because people are hesitant to befriend me or judge me and think that I'm phony - yet, if i'm a jerk (which I can be) they would talk about that too.

I treat people how I would like to be treated and sometimes the only smile someone gets in their day is from someone who is "too nice". At work, my patients tell me all the time that this is a good job for me (I work in the ER) because I bring a cheerful vibe to a seemingly dismal situation.

I never claim not to have any problems but most people think because I don't show my problem's - I have none or i'm being fake. Really, the case is - when i'm with someone else my focus is on them or what i'm doing and I don't choose to walk around wallowing in my pain. I cry at nights, I cut, I purge - whatever. But the joy I exude in the moment that you meet me is also a part of who I am. Making others happy, makes me happy. It's sad that it's not appreciated more really and that so many people are forced to succumb to way of the world instead of being allowed to be a light for those in the dark.

On the other hand, there are people who are even friendlier than me, and I've had that "she's weird" look about them as well so I totally get where everyone else is coming from. However, because of my own experiences, I tend to be aware of this thinking and usually try to force myself to look past that and converse with the person a little more to form a more solid decision (though I usually have to force myself to).

Sorry for the rant, i'll get off my soapbox now. Lol. Good post though; really got me to thinking.

I definately get what you're talking about, and thank you for the different perspective. I can be very nice, and upbeat...but that's closer to manic...people don't seem to notice (which is good because I also talk very fast lol)....and I can almost feel as cheeful as I act. But those times are rare, and mostly I just feel unbalanced although I smile, and laugh and am very congenial. Not because it makes me happy tho. Because it makes me look less crazy (in my opinion)

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

I never claim not to have any problems but most people think because I don't show my problem's - I have none or i'm being fake. Really, the case is - when i'm with someone else my focus is on them or what i'm doing and I don't choose to walk around wallowing in my pain. I cry at nights, I cut, I purge - whatever. But the joy I exude in the moment that you meet me is also a part of who I am. Making others happy, makes me happy. It's sad that it's not appreciated more really and that so many people are forced to succumb to way of the world instead of being allowed to be a light for those in the dark.

Thiiiisssss

Very true. Most of the time, I'm that one person not going around telling everyone her problems. Most people make that mistake of thinking just because they can't see something, it isn't there...

[CheryCross]

I've always been jealous of people who are- just happy. I don't understand how it comes so easily to them. I work in a care home and have been told my depression is visible by my manager (he brought it up in a caring way though). But he told me that the residents will pick up on the littlest things and can become very unmanageable. Also it's probably unpleasant to be around me. After he told me this I tried really hard to put on an act of happiness. This made my colleagues warm to me, which was a boost. Also I found that acting happy made me feel happy- instead of wallowing.

[CheryCross]

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

Well, on the other side of the spectrum, I'm actually the one that people consider too nice. I'm usually the one who walks around in her little bubble, seemingly without a care in the world, and it tends to turn people off. This actually annoys me so greatly because people are hesitant to befriend me or judge me and think that I'm phony - yet, if i'm a jerk (which I can be) they would talk about that too.

I treat people how I would like to be treated and sometimes the only smile someone gets in their day is from someone who is "too nice". At work, my patients tell me all the time that this is a good job for me (I work in the ER) because I bring a cheerful vibe to a seemingly dismal situation.

I never claim not to have any problems but most people think because I don't show my problem's - I have none or i'm being fake. Really, the case is - when i'm with someone else my focus is on them or what i'm doing and I don't choose to walk around wallowing in my pain. I cry at nights, I cut, I purge - whatever. But the joy I exude in the moment that you meet me is also a part of who I am. Making others happy, makes me happy. It's sad that it's not appreciated more really and that so many people are forced to succumb to way of the world instead of being allowed to be a light for those in the dark.

On the other hand, there are people who are even friendlier than me, and I've had that "she's weird" look about them as well so I totally get where everyone else is coming from. However, because of my own experiences, I tend to be aware of this thinking and usually try to force myself to look past that and converse with the person a little more to form a more solid decision (though I usually have to force myself to).

Sorry for the rant, i'll get off my soapbox now. Lol. Good post though; really got me to thinking.

I know it feels like you have to conceal your issues. You seem so compassionate and altruistic, you care for people greatly. Do you have anyone who cares back? Someone you can talk to about your issues.

[Calm]

There most definitely have been times where I've felt the need to withdraw from the situation due to the overly friendliness of perfect strangers. The ones who bother me the most are those who think they can pat me on the back or arm and it's okay. So far, I've managed not to kick somebody but I have told people that I don't care to be touched. I just don't like the fact that some people have no respect for other people's physical boundaries and think they can just pat and tap whenever they please.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by Calm

There most definitely have been times where I've felt the need to withdraw from the situation due to the overly friendliness of perfect strangers. The ones who bother me the most are those who think they can pat me on the back or arm and it's okay. So far, I've managed not to kick somebody but I have told people that I don't care to be touched. I just don't like the fact that some people have no respect for other people's physical boundaries and think they can just pat and tap whenever they please.

Omg...the touchy-feely people!!! I don't mind virtual hugs and when I'm with someone I love, hugging/touching is necessary and enjoyed...but strangers??? Really? What part of my body language said, "C'mer big fella and squeeze the crap out of me"???

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by waiting4

Thank you all for the input and I agree with all, on different levels...a lot like yours BeteNoire. I guess I'm just more on my guard now. But I get so angry with myself for being that way...example: Still feeling defensive I stopped at a fast food restaurant to get dinner as I have to be up early, and won't have time to cook.

Inside, there was a woman who was ordering ahead of me....and yes, she was 'that' woman...thousands of special requests, said very nicely, and calmly, and I'm just thinking...damnit I have to get home to let my dog out, and why is she so freaking calm...like coma induced. Eons later, I go up to order...something simple and non-confrontational, and I glance over to her.

No expression on her face. Totally devoid of emotion. I think, how is it to feel like that? Not drugged, just....nothing?

I got my two items in record time....she was receiving (and directing yet another special order) as I left. Did nothing for my mood.

Why do I find myself confronted with people who don't feel like they want to crawl out of their skin, or burst into tears, or go on a rampage?? All in the space of the time it takes to get two taco's???

I am at times, calm amidst storm. Not often on a xanax, more oft, taking zen approach. I don't do a ton of special ordering, don't worry on that, but with four orders, at times(me +3), methodical because a messed up order, leads to chaos/hades. I like what poster after wrote, explains why methodical, calm. Running order in mind, need to make sure, got it right.

Fakeness in over friendly, wish I could articulate how I perceive, sincerity v. Fake, has to do with tonality and body language. Not a fan of faked pleasantries.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Havoctoria]

Yes. I find they are often quick to jump to conclusions, and it's almost patronizing when they show concern for things that don't require concern. I find them intrusive and in my experience, they tend to feel entitled to your friendship/enthusiasm.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by CheryCross

I know it feels like you have to conceal your issues. You seem so compassionate and altruistic, you care for people greatly. Do you have anyone who cares back? Someone you can talk to about your issues.

Aww thanks. Well now that I have my T I do I'm a generally closed off person when it comes to myself; I have found that most people don't actually care about my problems .