My resentment is turning into hate.

I'm intolerant, people don't want me to be fake, but I am only doing that so I don't push my problems on others. I don't crack under any pressure to show my feelings to anyone. I get my *** kicked a lot and I just take it. I'll take a 100 beatings or more if I have to.

I'm going to cry and get mad about the pain, but I won't crack. People want me to spill my feelings, but they'll never get that. They should already know, I hate them. I seriously hate them, it's jealousy mixed with frustration of my lack of control of relationships. I don't talk to people, I guess my vibe of wanting love is overturned when I'm nice and I'm ignored, but when I'm genuinely upset I'm ignored and hated and feared from.

Man, it's this loneliness the lack of people showing their self being genuine with me when I show mine first then I go fake after they act all stupid. The feeling when I am at work being professional and people trying to crack me, it's like I don't know what to do.

I will self harm all I want abuse myself however just to get through my day by beating myself, and telling myself how worthless I am.

Being able to go to a therapist to vent isn't doing much, I'm angry, frustrated my life won't go the way I want, I am working ignoring and pushing everyone away who says they want to help, but put their crap in my mouth and tell me to eat it.

I feel like everyone thinks, I'm a defiant asshole, maybe if you perceive someone who made an effort to get to know you and you throw me away.

Do I have borderline? I don't know what's wrong. I'm constantly trying to figure it out. I'm told this and that and I don't have an answer.

An hour once a week with a therapist may just be inadequate for you. If there is any opportunity for you to get into a partial hospitalization program, that might be worth your while. It helped me a lot. Unfortunately, there just aren't enough of these programs. What I liked was the peer to peer support that developed. And I wasn't that good at connecting with peers, but I learned to.

You sound so deeply distressed. I hope you find some meaningful help. You're a human being and you deserve it. Sometimes a person just can't work things out alone.

Could you give an example of a situation/interaction? Who are the people you are referring to?

The self harm and telling yourself you are worthless is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you are going through that. I can relate, in that I have times where I fall so far into despare that I internally beat myself up the same, feeling so worthless and undeserving. I understand how that feels. It sucks.

So what is it about? For me, I think I have ADD and it is so hard for me to accomplish the simplest things, I feel like I'm inadequate and infantile, a let down. My world is full of clutter, which I hate, but I get so overwhelmed when I try to deal with it all - I feel like I'm trying to dig my way out from under a mountain. Making decisions is really hard. When I get flack from my husband about something small that I didn't take care of or do, I just fly to pieces with anger, frustration, and then self-hate for being so incompetent.

So, where does this come from for you?

Wishing you peace :-)

no I cannot. I wish, insurance will destroy me. I'm barely lucky to finally have my wisdom teeth removed with no charge, have physical therapy, see my therapist, and see my neurologist when I can.

If I do that, they'd probably say no easily like before and drown me in more debt.

I am only making 20,000 a year annually roughly maybe less more likely. I'm seriously stuck at my parents. I can't afford college in any way, I love music and extremely talented. I got signed, but hasn't fruit any money yet. Even though I got big hits, and signed a contract for checks. I haven't gotten one.

I feel cheated in life, I don't have a say. I can't afford to take care of myself and I now starve myself so my parents can enough for the week for work and that I have anorexia. I know it sounds stupid, to have worries about my looks when I need to eat when I don't have much to eat many times like most of my friends I'm with do, but I seriously do have it. I exercise a lot.

I want someone to accept and love me, but it's like my mom gives me the most attention because of my life, and my hell I'm still living through, but I know her health isn't doing so well. She says she'll be here and old and happy, but I highly doubt that.

By the time she would ever see me successful or have grandkids she'd be dead. I know when she dies. I don't want to live on this planet anymore, because after her being gone my dad will be impersonal all the time. He's cool and like a friend, but not a dad how it feels like. He's a great parent, but it doesn't feel like a parent. Not the least one bit.

I know, after my mom dies. I won't have anyone to cry to except myself and screaming hoping someone comes sees me from thin air to take it away, but I know it won't happen. 20 years of no one really any quality connection. I can't describe hell to you, but this is it in a developed nation.

It's from me being raped many times, got no justice out of it. I was told to suck it up. If I was a woman, and that happened to me. There'd be hell to pay. It's not like that everywhere, but here people don't take it seriously at the time when I was raped by another male.

I'm angered, and still angered the people who hurt me aren't in jail. The people who love me really were more selfish than I ever was. The friends, I got close to only care about things I'm always disinterested in. I'm trying to find my place. I don't like the groups I'm with, I know a lot of people and a lot of people have nice things to say about me.

I don't feel it. I don't feel a connection just words. Even my closest friends, they never understand why I like them around me male and female, because I am grateful, and they think I'm either too much and I am, because I'm not their type and we were never really friends in their heart and mine.

It's like I can't get upset, I'll get yelled at. Last night, I was wailing upset and not responding letting my shame of wanting to feel go down my face out my nose and trail all over my body. I felt useless and my mom was asking what's wrong and I'll never tell her in those moments, because she gets angry when I do and she gets angry when I don't. My friends are the same way.

How can you love me if you always treat me like I have to be expected to be what you want? I'm not the person who I am, I'm the person you only want to see. Even if it's a positive thing and I get angry, because they assume I'm ungrateful. I'm not, I'm tired of being treated like I'm not there I'm not a person.

I get ignored online 24/7 people talk to me in person saying, " I saw what you said, Didn't have time..." Ever single person. It's convinced me that people don't care and this ******** I'm sucked into people assume for me feeling upset about it, makes me a narcissist and the world revolves around me.

I don't care, what revolves around me everyone can go away for all I care. Just be honest with me and I'll stop. If someone really be's there and gives the attention I'm starving to have I'll stop. If I have that connection with someone. I'll stop completely. I would be inseparable with that individual and all of this will stop.

No one accepts me, it's plain and simple. I think I expect them too and they take it the wrong way. I fixed that problem, but sometimes I don't know. When I fix something on myself and committed to it. Everyone gets more negative towards me, but when I'm hurting myself and sad I get ignored.

I've had a whole town call me the worst things, family their kids and everyone when I was growing up a town with about 3000 people. Everyone knew each other. Somehow, until more people moved in from the city.