[Mefisto]

I am so weak for this life. Today i found out that i have two incurable health conditions. Doctor told me that my prostatitis became chronic and that i have two cysts in my testicles that can be removed only through operation. For now they are too small and operation is not necessary, but high chances are that they will grow with time and operation will be required. Im scared as hell. All my life i've been hoping that i wont ever be on operation table. And now im living in constant danger that i might need operation on most sensitive part of male body. Pain will be unbearable and long-term. I can end up living with pain all my life and become infertile. I probably wont be able to become a father, ever.
Now im living in constant anxiety. In addition i have prostatitis a lot of pain and a lot of discomfort feelings in that area. Im feeling that im falling into deep depression. This is very wrong time to do that, because of relationship with new girlfriend. I told her all about it and she said she would support me, but im not that guy, with whom she develop crush, anymore. Im just depressed, scared little boy, who can only think about his testicles. We didnt have sex yet and we wont anytime soon - with stress like that i cant even think about it.
My mothers been telling me that the cysts might not grow at all and i have nothing to worry about. But i cant just forget about it and distract myself. I think about those cysts every minute. If they will grow, they will cause permanent pain in that area and i'll have to do the operation, that also might leave me with chronic pain. Internet has dozens of stories on that matter - a lot of people were living with those cysts for 5-10-15 and, at some moment, they started to grow and they ended up on operation table. I've read it so much that i get the feeling that they always grow, no matter what. Damn, im so afraid. Nothing can distract me.
Really dislike my life right now. I cant normally function. Right now, im writing this post instead of sleeping, because i lost my sleep. Dont know how i'll be able to work today. The whole world seems like big fake of decorations. Healthy smug people walk everywhere and i'll have to pretend im one of them. HOW? I dont know. I dont want to live like that, at all. I wish i wasnt born into this. Life is full of bad things. You born and discover that the your body has ultimate mission to kill you. And before it finally does, you encounter hundreds of body small attempts to do that. Life itself is full of stress, society is survival of the fittest, that tests you everyday. And despite all the problems you have, that related to just making through the day, doctor tells you that your balls will probably have to be cutted open. What the hell? How should i live with this?

[avlady]

i'm sorry for your situation, i would get the operation before they grow bigger. pain isn't as bad as worrying about it all the time i would think. i wish you luck and good health

[Thunder Bow]

You may want to seek a Therapist to help you with your depression. Ask your doctor to refer you to a mental heath professional. You need support, and help with your depression.

[Mefisto]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

You may want to seek a Therapist to help you with your depression. Ask your doctor to refer you to a mental heath professional. You need support, and help with your depression.

All my money and much more (i got in debts) went on meds and doctor visits. So its not an option right now. I live in place when all good therapist are very expensive.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

It is way too easy to give yourself the eeby-jeebies by reading too much on the fount of balanced information, the internet?

What in the cold light of day are the actual risks - have your physicians given you advice and counselling on this?

Remember mother is generally right.

[Mefisto]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

It is way too easy to give yourself the eeby-jeebies by reading too much on the fount of balanced information, the internet?

What in the cold light of day are the actual risks - have your physicians given you advice and counselling on this?

Remember mother is generally right.

Yeah, it wasnt hard.
I spoke with two physicians. They told me that chances are 50/50, but both added, after a pause, that, most likely, they wont grow. I dont know how to accept this kind of information.

[Mefisto]

Today i also was diagnosed with ear infection that has high chances to become chronic disease as well as prostatitis. In worse case my hearing ability might be damaged and my ear will be always popped up like in airplane. I dont know whats happening in my life. It feels like dark line of unlucky events. If i was religious i would think that im being punished for something. I dont know how to live further. Really dislike my life right now. Stress level is unbearable.

[BLUEDOVE]

Is there some place where there are people worse off than you
that you may be able to help? Local hospital,shelter for homeless,
anything like that?
Blessings,
BLUEDOVE

[MoxieDoxie]

I had to have a total hysterectomy at age 42! I never had the chance to have children, I thought I would never be able to orgasm again and they had to cut me open because I was not a candidate for laporscopic surgery. Then there was the 3 month recovery along with fighting my eating disorder and the already distorted body image.

I made it through the surgery. My orgasms are different yet better, It really,took me a year for full recovery and my lower abdomen is scared and flabby. My body image still sucks.

Your balls will heal, you will have a scar. You will get through this.

[Crazy Hitch]

Mefisto

I'm really sorry to read that you have two incurable life conditions. Honestly, I battle to find the words to say how I feel for you and the situation that you are in.

All factors considered, I really do understand your anxiety, because I've faced minor adversities in life, by comparison to you. So I can not imagine what that feels like.

Please continue to post here. It does help to write it down.

And we're always here to listen.

You matter to us Always

[Mefisto]

Unfortunately i got some bad news. Doctor told me that there is possibility that i have tuberculosis of genital organs. In that case i might be castrated and become infertile for life because meds are very useless in that case. I cant live with this information, im in constant stress, all the thoughts are related to it.
Problem is - required analyses take very long time. I wont be sure that i dont have it for another 3 months. How to live meanwhile? How to handle permanent anxiety if you have significant reason for it? I was very anxious person all my life, but now this got out of hand. I cant enjoy live with knowledge that i might have this disease. I even dropped smoking weed after getting high everyday for few years because i cant have any positive experience until i know that i dont have it. I would go to therapy, but i cant afford it. People would probably say "whats the point of thinking about something you cant change?" This line never worked for me. I always have been thinking even more about things that i cant change. How to adjust my mind and distract the thoughts from possibility that i have this awful disease?

[Angelique67]

I just Googled this after reading your post. Can't you take antibiotics for this is it is tuberculosis? What the doctor said sounds completely extreme and unlikely.

[avlady]

could you concentrate on a hobbie of some type? i know a lot of men like to golf, if that's possible, you'd be in the fresh air and it would be good for your body and mind. if not antibiotics does sound like a good idea too.good luck

[Mefisto]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I just Googled this after reading your post. Can't you take antibiotics for this is it is tuberculosis? What the doctor said sounds completely extreme and unlikely.

I feel like i need to explain my current situation.
Im going through treatment of chronic prostatitis. My doctor tried to find bacteria that caused the disease, but he couldnt. He said that i might have non-bacterial form of disease or test couldnt find it because test itself had 65% chance of accuracy. He said, that there is small chance that my disease was triggered by tuberculosis. He told me to rule that out by making the tests and come back to him. I went to special tuberculosis hospital and run a bunch of test, all of them have showed that i dont have classic tuberculosis. But also, there is another possibility that i have very sneaky, almost invisible form of tuberculosis, that could be found only with help of tests that require 3 months of analyses. Nobody in that hospital could give me proper answer if i am sick or not. So i started to google information myself and totally creeped out. It seems that some of my symptoms match the symptoms of this tuberculosis of genital organs. I've read approximately 10 articles and every one of them told me that if i have this disease then there is high chance that i might need operation on my genital organs, that almost certainly would be leave me infertile.
So, in the end, im in very uncertain situation. There is small chance that im sick with this thing and if i am, than there is high chance that i would end up infertile and maybe even castrated. But because of this system, i wont know for sure for another whole 3 months. Like i wrote in the beginning, im very anxious person and i cant handle the stress of uncertainty for such long period of time.

[Angelique67]

You might be interested in ichoosetoheal.com it's a free ebook download on the power of the mind in healing. I recommend it. Good luck.

[CapedCrusader]

I don't know what to say. I just feel sorry for your situation. No matter what bro, don't forget to smile.

[divine1966]

I am sorry, life is so unfair. You have to stay strong. Close relative of mine just had testicular cancer second time around. It was tough. He is a young man in mid 30s. He is doing well now. Hang in there please. Modern medicine does wonders and avoid reading about it on the Internet. If o start reading I think I gave every disease on the planet

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk