[Fuzzybear]

I bought two pairs of trousers when I was 18, in London.

My father, who no longer lived with my mother (since they were divorced) told me that I was a terrible, selfish person.

A couple of years later, I bought a skirt. the stepmother told me I should be punished all my life

The stepmother, I found out later, squandered thousands of pounds earnt by Him Who Shall Not Be Named.

and yet, I'm the Villain in this Story, right?!

[Thunder Bow]

Seems you grew up in an crazy family. Your not the villain, you were the victim

[OliverRaw]

Try to get over it. It is true, that YOu are the victim, but is it so imoirtant for YOu, that You still spend time thinking about it? I don't think so. You are in charge of your live and free to do whatever YOu want!

[Fuzzybear]

Well yeah, I am working to "get over it" and all the other much worse stuff that will never be spoken of. This is the thing, sometimes speaking just a few words about the years of abuse can set someone free to "move on". Or to be in the process of "healing". .. I posted this in the wrong forum probably. Thanks for replying

I do agree that some people "dwell" far too much on things which "should be put in the past and forgotten" but sometimes it's not so easy, I wish it was. Sometimes we might think we have "forgotten" it but the mind hasn't.

Originally Posted by OliverRaw

Try to get over it. It is true, that YOu are the victim, but is it so imoirtant for YOu, that You still spend time thinking about it? I don't think so. You are in charge of your live and free to do whatever YOu want!

[Frankbtl]

Hi Fuzzy

NO, you absolutely aren't the villain in this story!!
And, doesn't matter what they thought, I am sorry you went through that from them , but I'd say their opinion is basically worthless.........I know it may hurt a lot...........but remember.........their opinions..........worthless!!
Still, I think you may be seeing it that way for yourself at times as well
So try to cherish the person you are...........you are not the person they tried to convince you you were, and you never were!!
And hey, when things are hurting, we're here for you

Alison

[Thunder Bow]

There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. Go out and buy yourself another gift, just to prove you deserve it. Healing takes time, disregard the other post by other member.

Sometimes we might think we have "forgotten" it but the mind hasn't.

So true! I call that "reprocessing". I can go over something in my mind and deal with the emotions that come with it and achieve a state of piece regarding it. I put it out of my mind and continue my life, then five years later, boom! it's back and needing to be considered again.

On another subject, I have always thought you were male, so I was confused by the skirt. Then I reminded myself that I only have to look around at the people in the eccentric small town where I live to know that there isn't necessarily any relationship between a person's gender and what items of clothing he/she wears.

I see the following men in skirts where I live: people who are overly invested in their Scottish heritage and wear kilts. Performance artists. Boys who like attention. The Men-in-Skirts religious group. And then there was that random guy I saw that time wearing a sort of solid color kilt with cargo pockets.

[emwell]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I bought two pairs of trousers when I was 18, in London.

My father, who no longer lived with my mother (since they were divorced) told me that I was a terrible, selfish person.

A couple of years later, I bought a skirt. the stepmother told me I should be punished all my life

The stepmother, I found out later, squandered thousands of pounds earnt by Him Who Shall Not Be Named.

and yet, I'm the Villain in this Story, right?!

Listen to ME! I am EM! haha
There is something wrong with your Father and stepmom. Has anyone ever said that to you? If not I will say it again. There is something wrong with your father and stepmom.
Now if you bought a new Mercedes while your kids starve, Yes you could be the villain.

OliverRaw
Try to get over it.

Are you serious? In my opinion that is one of the least helpful things I need to hear. Why don't you add "others have it worse than you" or "if you just try to be happy?" Please do not take this as a personal attack. It was not meant that way.

I once read in a book titled I want to Change but I Don't know how something about 'the body remembers what the mind forgets'. It is the only sentence I remember from reading this book 30 years ago.
Get out of your mind!!!!

Fuzzybear
This is the thing, sometimes speaking just a few words about the years of abuse can set someone free to "move on".

I love this. You have said it perfectly. A villain would not have been able to.

a state of piece

Yikes! I seem to be tending towards fonetik spelling lately.

[IceCreamKid]

Oh Fuzzy. I'm sorry you were mistreated. There is nothing wrong with buying two pairs of pants or a skirt.

If I could, I'd buy you a skirt, a pair of pants a lovely top and a pretty scarf and some darling dangly earrings. And then we would go to lunch. And get ice cream after …. cause, well you know I am the Ice Cream Kid!

You are welcome to share your thoughts with me.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm a "girl bear"

Originally Posted by jo_thorne

Yikes! I seem to be tending towards fonetik spelling lately.

[nervous puppy]

((((Fuzzy))))
you just never know when something from the past (abuse or otherwise) is going to come up. When it does, you need to process it.
For me, I can go stretches of time where I hardly think about it and then something, even a little thing can set it off. It's like a silent Jack-in-the-Box. It just pops up out of nowhere, and BAM!! There it is. Then you need to deal with it. One of the best things I've found is being able to share it here.

you were the victim, Fuzzy, in no way were you the bad one!

[H3rmit]

I was victimized too, and sometimes need to process the past, and sometimes repeatedly. That said, it's sometimes easy to identify as a victim, and if that sets in as a habit, it is another form of harm to oneself. I've fallen into it myself. Yes, your family is crazy, like mine. [hugs]

[PianogirlPlays]

I had a counselor some years ago that described her mother as JPN in other words just plain nuts! She was able to say that and dismisss some of the effect on her with the understanding that it was JPN. That it wasn't her it wasn't anything she did it was JPN. I think it would be reasonable to say that these statements that were made were just JPN. No one is to be condemned for just meeting a need with a purchase. Fuzzy take heart it is not you!

[Georgia Bridge]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. Go out and buy yourself another gift, just to prove you deserve it. Healing takes time, disregard the other post by other member.

DITTO!!!

[That What]

Originally Posted by jo_thorne

So true! I call that "reprocessing". I can go over something in my mind and deal with the emotions that come with it and achieve a state of piece regarding it. I put it out of my mind and continue my life, then five years later, boom! it's back and needing to be considered again.

On another subject, I have always thought you were male, so I was confused by the skirt. Then I reminded myself that I only have to look around at the people in the eccentric small town where I live to know that there isn't necessarily any relationship between a person's gender and what items of clothing he/she wears.

I see the following men in skirts where I live: people who are overly invested in their Scottish heritage and wear kilts. Performance artists. Boys who like attention. The Men-in-Skirts religious group. And then there was that random guy I saw that time wearing a sort of solid color kilt with cargo pockets.

Selfish was meant as a backwards compliment male/female pride got in the way. Literal by syllable. Sell Fish. Meaning not expecting others to catch fish and feed/support you. You catch more fish then you need to eat and sell remaining fish buying clothing,rent, etc.

I think people have every right in the world to dress however they want or do whatever they want so long as they aren't hurting anybody else or infringing on their freedoms.

Pants? Skirts? Who gives a damn. Wear what makes YOU happy not anybody else and certainly not your parents. You're the only person who owns your body, therefore, you're the only person who has a right to decide on what is done with it.

You aren't a bad person for not dressing how your parents want you nor are you a bad person for wanting to be happy. If anybody says otherwise, they either wish to control you or they are outright delusional.

[healingme4me]

It's ok to reprocess until the wound heals. Some wounds take longer than others, some scars only fade. Everyday as we grow, so does recovery from the wound.

It's more than the trousers and skirt, those were the defining moments of a culmination of abuse. Maybe you're coming to see it in a different light. Fighting back with more conviction, surely you are Not the villain!